Co-dependency

[robaday]

2 things have happened to two close friends which while Ive gone through them myself, i need strength to get them through and not fall into co-dependency.

 

My best mate just lost his dad. Hes not the strongest guy emotionally (depressive, sabotageur), hes got me into trouble over the years, but he has also always been there for me when Ive been in trouble.

 

The other is suicidal. Shes been diagnoses with borderlinepersonality disorder, major depressive episode, and has been in a mental health hospital for past week.

 

Years back I also was suicidal, also checked myself into mental health hospital. Ive recovered and devoted my life to charity and helping people like me get through this stuff. But truth is, it scares me because I can relate to much, I want to help but Im also scared of helping too much and hurting myself.

 

I want to be strong for these people in my life. How can I do this without getting too emotionally involved?

[freestyle]

2 things have happened to two close friends which while Ive gone through them myself, i need strength to get them through and not fall into co-dependency.

 

My best mate just lost his dad. Hes not the strongest guy emotionally (depressive, sabotageur), hes got me into trouble over the years, but he has also always been there for me when Ive been in trouble.

 

The other is suicidal. Shes been diagnoses with borderlinepersonality disorder, major depressive episode, and has been in a mental health hospital for past week.

 

Years back I also was suicidal, also checked myself into mental health hospital. Ive recovered and devoted my life to charity and helping people like me get through this stuff. But truth is, it scares me because I can relate to much, I want to help but Im also scared of helping too much and hurting myself.

 

I want to be strong for these people in my life. How can I do this without getting too emotionally involved?

 

Care from a safe distance.....Don't be on 24/7 standby. Be very mindful of your own boundaries.

 

Make sure your needs are being met first--(you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself, first, before you can help anyone else...)

 

You can be supportive without falling into the role of a parent/pseudo-therapist.....It creates a lopsided relationship, that ends up in resentment on both sides of the equation.

 

Point them in the direction of good reading material, online resources, etc.

Shine a light on the path, and realize they each have to find their own footing.

 

Be careful not to fall into the "Rescuer" role---it can get flipped into you being painted as "The Villain".....(been there, done that, myself)

 

If you're not already familiar with Karpman's Drama Triangle, I'd strongly suggest reading up on it.....

 

If your friend with BPD has not done enough self-work--it's very likely that she'll pull you into the Drama Triangle Cycle....please be careful, & mindful.

Borderlines are known for turning on those who get closest to them, if they haven't had enough treatment.

[robaday]

Thank you so much for your advice! best advice ive had

 

Your right, I gotta create boundaries. With the girl its complex as well because she has propositioned me in the past, but I declined because she had a LTR with a good friend - it was nothing personal to her simply it was too much drama and didnt want to ruin my friendship with either.....if there are feelings on her side I could cause more damage than good....but she is incredibly vulnerable right now and doesnt have much support, shes just got out of a mental health facility.

 

The other guy whos lost his dad, is similar to me, he reminds me of me, he thinks too much, I know this is going to affect him for a long long time.

 

What do you do when someone mentions being suicidal? I have done a little training in suicide prevention, but havent actually been in the situation before and dont know at what stage I should let others know (family, friends, authorities)