LauraNorth Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Hey guys, I just wanted to get this off my chest. I have a 'friend' for over 10 years now, but she is freaking me out. When I still used to cycle to school with her, all she talked about was her sport athletics, and when I wanted to say something I liked doing, she interrupted me and started talking about athletics again. This girl is super smart and she gets really pissed off when I was happy I had a better mark than her. Also, maybe it is because she is so smart, she doesn't make any friends. The only friends she has, are because other people introduces themselves to her, or she gets introduced to new people by someone she already knew. And recently, this has very emotionally impacted me, every time I tell her something I did, or I'm happy about, all she says is: You know, I really don't care. While I have been listening to her dreadful stories all these years! And when I ask her why she does that, because its very rude to do so, all she says is: That's my opinion and I'm just gonna say what I think, no matter if it hurts others. I know you guys are wondering why I still hang on to her, and I don't even know, because she is a plague: unable to get rid of. What should I do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 She has some social problems by the sounds of things.. It is not polite to tell someone that you do not care about what they have to say. Something is off with her. Perhaps it is her fixation on sports/herself/ and the fact she does not have enough people around her to TELL her she is making such mistakes? I think that you could help her by telling her the truth. No one else has told her obviously. She won't go on to make any great friends if she does not change. You sound like a nice girl. I am nice also, and while it is not OUR problem to help bad friends figure out their problems, I would say something like this (in person or I would write her a letter or facebook message) " dear ____ I can't be around you anymore unless you listen to what I am about to say. Whenever I tell you something, your response is that you do not care. I feel that you need to hear this for your own good okay: it is RUDE and NO ONE is going to put up with you if you tell people that you do not care whenever they open their mouths to say something" " I want the best for you which is why I am telling you this and being this honest with you. I am not saying this to cause an argument. I am saying this because I can no longer hang around you if you continue this way, and I fear that no one else will either" " Please, I urge you to have a think about things. If you care about me and like me as a friend, I hope you would listen to my advice that is aimed at helping you" " Please take care of yourself if you no longer wish to talk to me, I wish you well in life and I sincerely hope that you figure out that telling people that you do not care about what they have to say, is socially deviant and will prevent you from ever really making good friends with others" " kind regards, _____" Link to post Share on other sites
Author LauraNorth Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 It could be difficult doing it in person, as she may butt in and interrupt before you can articulately make a point. I would write a facebook message or letter. She can't yell at you or bring you down that way. You can block her on social media or block her Hotmail/email too. I really hope people like her learn though, it really saddens me to think about them going through life, unable to make true friends. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BruinFan95 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Hey guys, I just wanted to get this off my chest. I have a 'friend' for over 10 years now, but she is freaking me out. When I still used to cycle to school with her, all she talked about was her sport athletics, and when I wanted to say something I liked doing, she interrupted me and started talking about athletics again. This girl is super smart and she gets really pissed off when I was happy I had a better mark than her. Also, maybe it is because she is so smart, she doesn't make any friends. The only friends she has, are because other people introduces themselves to her, or she gets introduced to new people by someone she already knew. And recently, this has very emotionally impacted me, every time I tell her something I did, or I'm happy about, all she says is: You know, I really don't care. While I have been listening to her dreadful stories all these years! And when I ask her why she does that, because its very rude to do so, all she says is: That's my opinion and I'm just gonna say what I think, no matter if it hurts others. I know you guys are wondering why I still hang on to her, and I don't even know, because she is a plague: unable to get rid of. What should I do?? The bolded part seem pretty normal among competitive women. I have a friend thats constantly bitter but loyal as heck. Which is the only reason I keep him around, deep down I know he's just miserable but is still a good guy. Your friend seems very similar; stubborn as a mule. Tell her that it's her opinion but that doesn't make it right. For a smart girl she asks childish and stupid. The only way to get to her is to be as direct as she is. Coddling her won't change a thing. If she chooses to ignore your advice, tell her she's gonna be alone and she's pushing you away. Its her PRIDE vs your FRIENDSHIP. Simple as that, if she chooses her pride then you don't need to feel guilty and move on with your life. "Never let anyone steal your joy. Life is too precious to waste on negative people." But I disagree with the above poster, facebook messages are for cowards, sorry. She deserves to be told to her face in a manner as direct as she is to others. Good luck with it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BklynGuy Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 These types of friendships are tricky. I've only recently realized a person I've known forever is just like your friend. He's there when I can help him or when I can assist him, but when it comes to my needs, he just backs off & runs away literally. It's been a lifelong issue which I recently am coming to realize. I told him about it & he fled. I'm now realizing that I've been way too good of a friend putting myself on the back-burner to his needs without realizing it. He has stepped away, I actually told him not to talk to me anymore. This has allowed me to realize I need to concentrate on myself & not worry about pleasing others. That's what I've been socialized to do & I finally realize it's not the right thing. My friend won't totally let go either....I don't want him to, I just wish he were a better friend. People are who they are, you just have to accept them or let them alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarlyMarie Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Im sorry youre dealing with this. I went through an incredibly similar situation about a week ago, actually. Like you, I was friends with this girl for over 10 years. We grew up together, she became like my sister. But the older she got, she changed. She became a typical teenage brat, very rude, very bitchy. And our friendship was incredibly 1 sided. It got to a point where we didnt talk for a year, then I let her back into my life. I figured she would have changed, but she didnt. I waited YEARS for her to hopefully grow out of it, but nothing. It got to the point where I was so tired of it, so tired of being screwed over, I just told her that we cant be friends. This was almost a week ago, so its very recent. I told her I love her, if she needs anything im always here, but until she gets her **** together, I can't keep getting screwed over like that. It sucks, but at the end of the day you need to do whats best for you. You know what youre boiling point is, and if shes reached that for you, you need to get out of there or itll just be a really bad situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) There's only one way to end a friendship. Awkwardly. Seriously, I don't think I've ever encountered a situation where clearing the air with somebody and telling them what bugs you about them achieved anything more than speeding up the end of a friendship. Even people who claim to value honesty don't tend to harbour grudges about stuff like that. In fact, they're often the worst. She's not going to change any more than a leopard gets rid of her spots, and since you don't have to have her in your life I would tend to deal with it by seeing a lot less of her and focusing on other people/activities to lessen the stress on you that the friendship creates. If you're going to address it/keep her in your life, probably the best shot is try to gently acquaint her with some of her more obnoxious behaviour in an affectionately jokey way. And sparingly. That's easier said than done though. I know it's not easy to let somebody know in a joking tone what seriously offends you about them. Plus once you start telling a person what pisses you off about them, it can too easily end up coming out in a torrent of friendship ending/enemy creating resentments and recriminations. However.... ...when I ask her why she does that, because its very rude to do so, all she says is: That's my opinion and I'm just gonna say what I think, no matter if it hurts others. I know you guys are wondering why I still hang on to her, and I don't even know, because she is a plague: unable to get rid of. Given her apparent fondness for blunt truth regardless of the emotional impact on others, a big part of me is rooting for you giving her a hefty dose of her own medicine. I can picture you putting on your glasses, staring at her intensely and then - when she asks what the problem is - responding "I'm just trying to figure out what strain of plague you are, and what would be the swiftest, most effective way to get rid of you." She will surely appreciate that logical, blunt and efficient approach. Edited June 3, 2013 by Taramere 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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