jawboxer Posted April 27, 2004 Posted April 27, 2004 I'll try & make it short... I had a buddy for about 5/6 years. We met thru the local music scene here in Austin. He was a songwriter, I was a guitar player. I joined his band, I learned his songs, we put a record out, we toured around etc etc. He was cool, funny, nice guy, he was a christian, but very opinionated, but we got along pretty good. We didn't always see eye to eye on a lot of things but I was such a shy guy by nature, very passive, that i would just go along with whatever. Years went by, some guys got sick of his "dictator-like" actions in the band, so they left seeking something else. I liked the music so I stuck by him, supported him, supported the music etc. He was sort of a talker. WOuld sometimes repeat a lot of the same stories of WHO he knew in the business, or WHAT he had done and I feel he had sort of an ego. I never really appreciated the way he handled letting some of the guys go, or how he talked about them being losers for leaving his good band, but as I said, I was such a mouse, I never had the guts to confront him on stuff. LAst year I did. The band had finally dissolved, I hadn't seen him or talked to him in about 3 months, And was actually ready to move on and do my own thing, musically after being his side guy for so long.( he had always thought of me that way too, his Partner, But never felt that way, since he never shared in writing songs or gave credit where credit was due, etc.) I called him to see what was up... asked if he wanted to get together, do some lo-fi gigs around town, coffee shop things, he said Sure. I called him a few days later and he had planned all these things on our "new band revival". I told him, "Oh i'm sorry, I just thought something small would be cool" not a huge deal, just something fun, small, intimate, spontaneous, go to the local starbucks, set-up and play... Long story short, we he accused me of back peddling, raising his hopes and then chickening out of it, allowing him to dream, blah blah blah He went on to say that He was "Too good" to play at a cheesy coffee shop, To much of a professional musician to do open mike crap, as he put it.... So I Let Him HAVE IT....I told him everything bad I ever thought about him, about his ego, about how he talked way to much about himself, called him out on a lot of stuff i thought he did that wasn't too nice, told him how i found it funny that so many band member had left over the years, because of him and that he had some issues to look at, etc etc........ we hung up, he sent me an email a few days later with excuses and answers for everything I called him out on and pretty much just made me look like i was an a**h***. I replied, told him i was sorry, but it was just the way I felt....he replied with: "WHATEVER". It's been a year since, I've grown a lot, not shy anymore, i like helping people, i don't have an ego, i'm always nice to people, good to my girlfriend, good to my family, strangers, Yet this one thing always bugs me. I always feel like I should call him and bury the hatchet, but I don't really care to be his friend. I don't know if it's the fact that I don't want anyone hating me or what, somedays I could care less, some days, it still bugs me.... Should I contact him???
miz_barby Posted April 27, 2004 Posted April 27, 2004 Sounds like he was a jerk! If he knew all these people and did a whole lot of things that he was too good to play for fun with you then why didn't he make it big....bad mouthing the others for seeing through him makes him seem like the looser...I'm sure you feel bad but you apologized already and he probably said "whatever" because he knew what you said was true! Anyway I say move on and be around people who respect you and know how to hold a conversation about something other than himself!
midori Posted April 27, 2004 Posted April 27, 2004 Originally posted by jawboxer Should I contact him??? You could... but I wouldn't. It sounds like you're viewing things with pretty clear eyes, so it's unlikely you were deluded about him, that he really isn't egotistical, etc. So then you have to ask yourself, what would be required for a reconciliation? Would you have to eat your words? Why do that to yourself -- I don't think you'd feel very good about yourself or the relationship that way. People who genuinely care about other people and what other people think about them don't like to know that there's someone out there who dislikes them or is angry with them. That's natural, and I think in general peace-making instincts are good. But you also have to trust your own instincts and perceptions about people. Do you think you were wrong? If not ( and it doesn't sound like you do) why would you sell yourself out just to have the relief of knowing that this guy isn't peeved with you anymore? What discomfort would you be exchaning your current one for? This way at least you're being true to yourself. Forget about him. It sounds like you have a rich life, a fulfilling life. Why would you want to intiate contact with him -- because you think he'll acknowledge that he was wrong, and apologize? Don't kid yourself. Just let this one go. Don't harbor a grudge, but don't beat yourself up with guilt. 1
Author jawboxer Posted April 27, 2004 Author Posted April 27, 2004 I once suggested a fun dinner outting with the bandmates and our girls, and when i brought it up to him, He said he didn't think it was such a good idea because, his wife is a psychologist, so "What would she and your girls really have in common to talk about?'' "It might be an uncomfortable dinner" he said. That bugged me for years, i was too stupid to say anything back then. Thanks a lot guys....I really really appreciate your responses BIGTIME! I'll just forget about it. I apologized and I don't owe him anything. I did plenty of nice things for the guy over the years. I can't count 4 other guys who feel the same way I do about the guy: Opinionated/Control freak. You're right , I did it in hopes that he would see his flaws and change a bit. If anything, the only thing that bugs me is that I let it build up inside of me and couldn't be honest and up front sooner...because in his eyes, it probably came out of left field...like I had his back the whole time, but was now backing out. I feel like a coward and like I could have handled it better, But he at the time, was such an overbearing personality that my passive personality couldn't handle or stand up to.
Recommended Posts