My friendship is at a crossroads.

[lamenter]

I have an opposite-sex best friend (Let’s call him K) and we have been friends for almost 5 years. When K and I first met, we dated for 6 weeks - 3 weeks of which I was out of the country. Within the first week of dating, it was obvious that things won’t work out cos we both had trust issues when it came to relationships. So it did end. In my past, when I stopped dating someone, I am civil with them never maintain a friendship. K however, wanted to remain friends…I was against this at first because part of me was a bit disappointed that another dating attempt failed, and I wanted the chance to get over that. And lucky for me, 2 weeks after things ended, my niece was born- and miraculously there was no disappointment. My heart had room only for this new human being … I mean I was IN LOVE with my niece and she became my “everything”. So based on this, I decided to give a friendship with K a try. And it was great because I had no expectations anymore and I was able to be myself and gradually trust grew between us and we became a great support system in each other lives. I decide to change careers and turn my life upside down and he was there to help always. He was going through some health issues and I was always there to help. We both dated other people but nothing ever stuck and with every failed attempt at dating we were still in each other lives. As time went by, my friends and family kept making comments about- “you guys are too close why don’t you just date?” This will always upset me because I just wanted the chance to enjoy my friendship and not feel like I have to do things according to everyone’s wishes. These instances kept happening over and over and over…. It will always be an issue when he dated a new girl (most of them hated me and how close we were). And with the people I dated, it never progressed to the point where the guys I dated even cared about his existence with the exception of the last person I dated for about 4 months (let’s call him J). J did not like my BFF or how close we were and it was always causing issues between us. So my relationship with J didn’t work out but not because of my friendship with K- J just disappeared. Last fall, I decided to move to a new city to find better opportunities for jobs, and K seemed OK with the move at first, and helped me get ready and even planned a send-off party for me. But at the night of the party, he got so drunk and became very rude and mean towards me. He kept saying how I was wasting my time with people who did not appreciate me, and how I don’t ever show that I appreciated him. I was so hurt by everything, but he apologized and said it was because he just dealing with me leaving. So I let it go… The same night I moved to this new city, J texted me (he had no idea that I was moving) and said he wanted to try dating again. I was very upset at him at first, but decided to give it a shot if he was going to be serious. We tried to work things out long distance, but he would constantly bring up me and K’s friendship as an issue (even now that we lived in different cities). K knew about me trying to work things out with J and he was supportive at first but then he kept referring to the fact that what if J disappears again like he did before. I understood his concerns, but the next time I visited my home city, I met up with J and decided to give dating another shot. I told K and he seemed shocked but said nothing. The next day, K asked me when we were out with other friends whether I would consider us dating. I was so shocked and angry, and I told him that he was only saying that because I decided to date J again. I told him I never wanted to hear him talk about us dating ever again, and he agreed. This happened in December 2012… needless to say, my relationship with J did not work out (as suspected, he disappeared again). Over the past few months, my friendship with K was good and we are still close. But my mom keeps bringing up the fact that I shouldn’t call it a friendship anymore because the dynamics have changed since he asked about dating in December. She wants me to not waste my time on the friendship and what not (my mom can be very opinionated). Because of all the external pressure from my friends and family and his family, I’ve been thinking about this whole dating him as an option. He is in town visiting and I’ve been spending time with him (which my mom doesn’t agree with), and K has sensed that am not being myself around him. Part of it is because my mom is getting too involved in our friendship and that is making me feel bad, and part of me also wanted to reopen the topic of more between us. Anyway, he kept asking me to tell him what I wanted not what others think I should want. So I took a chance and told him that I wanted us to consider dating as an option. And since I did, he hasn’t acknowledged anything or even brought it up! I feel horrible and I want to take it all back! I feel so vulnerable and lost, and I don’t know what to do or how to act around him anymore. I am thinking of ending our friendship but not sure what to do. How do I go from here?