Some friends think I'm tight (ie stingy)

[bob_333]

I have many friends in different groups, some very long term, I recently (last 4 years) got into several groups who go out regularly and party hard, which requires money ! I am no stranger to this, spending £100-£200 on a big night out, often lasting till the next day ... I have never been called tight or stingy before, and in fact another close friend in the group doesn't think I am.

They all seemed to like me and in fact I thought I made very close friends of one particular woman, going out just together - it was great fun.

In the last 2/3 years though I have had to tighten my belt financially due to work being very slack (I am self employed), I am literally just surviving to pay bills ... so this has resulted in me not paying for the odd cab or not buying the odd round when we've all gone out as a group, trying to keep my budget to around £60-£80.

About 12 months ago the invites to go out stopped coming ... which I thought was odd, but I have been busy elsewhere in my life ... so really didn't think about it too hard ... this Xmas we all met up, and apparently I did it again and didn't pay for a taxi (according to this woman, who seems to veto any requests to ask me out now) ... there was 6 of us aboard, and I was right at the back ... apparently this reinforced the reason for me to not be invited out.

Other reasons with the 2nd group are not buying enough drugs ! which are always around ... @ £50 a gram its an easy way for me to blow my budget ... I'm not really a great fan of coke anyway ... its not my drug of choice, and not really into taking them every time we go out anyway - I prefer a social to a headbanger.

 

I am not sure how I can patch this all up ... I don't like to admit publicly I'm totally broke and earn very little - I mean its not very becoming. Once this label sticks it seems difficult to undo - which is a shame - as I always had a good time.

I think in hindsight I should have just blown my budget with gay abandon and when it had gone just go home ... but when your a bit blasted thats easier said than done, they never seemed to complain I was around.

 

Can you patch up this sort of reputation/relationship ?

Edited February 3, 2013 by bob_333

[2sure]

There are a couple Of things you might be able to do. It's good to know that your company was enjoyed, but bad that they have you pegged as a free loader. Nothing wrong with not being able to afford rounds, cabs, etc. you just do without until you can. But that's not what you did...you partook and let everyone else pay. Not good. If you can only afford 50 a week, and the cost is 100 a week, then go every other week.

 

Since this was a repeated offense and you are no longer invited...when you can afford to, find out where and when they are going out and meet them there. Buy 2 rounds immediately. No explanations.

 

Or, if you have any room at all invite them over to begin a night with happy hour at your place then onto the next and you pay the cab.

[bob_333]

Umm, your right, but then I also dont want to feel I'm buying friendship.

 

I have been away and thought about this one woman, and during my friendship with her she has tended to be contrary at times - I know she suffers with depression, her other mate who I get on with fine isn't worried or thinks I'm stingy, and I dont think I am either.

 

2x rounds and a cab could be my £60 budget blown, but hey I'll do it - I have no problem with that, but then I will simply have to go home, sometimes I just like a social rather than all this mass consumption of booze and what ever ... all you ever get is fat head after it anyway.

 

I know she likes me and think misses me, but depressive sorts can sit and stew on trivial matters.

Through her mate I will try and explain matters, that things are just a bit 'tight' ... and you cant avoid that reality.

[Els]

If you're struggling to pay bills, why are you going out on huge splurgey nights out all the time in the first place? Just don't go. There's no shame in admitting that you're trying to save up and don't want to freeload on everyone else.

[bob_333]

I dont go out all the time, in fact its only been every few months.

And I would like to see my mates, you just have to do or you'll go nuts, you must agree ... and they wanted to see me ... but we would all get very loaded and I guess you lose your judgement.

I definitely want to make recompense, it'll be embarrassing admitting your skint (lots of the group are all very well paid and quite well off) ... and have been for several years now, but I'll just have to bite the bullet, go out less, but when I do take out more money ...

[bob_333]

LOL, yes - all very true, I have questioned such relationships, and I guess I class them as my 'party' mates ... but still you like to think there is a deeper connection.

Am I desperate - fortunately not, but most of my closer mates don't go out so much as they are all married and sprogged up, and I do like a mad night once in a while.

The Coke is prevalent in the other group, not the one she is in, which is good, as I don't think its such a good thing personally (and I should know), your spot on about the 5% bit, so glad I don't waste my money on it to be frank.

 

But no you are so right about being focused on the more important goals in my life, and I know that, hence I've not put too much weight behind this issue ...

There has been one particular goal for which I have been working for many years, this particular person has witnessed me go for that goal and I thikn is maybe a bit jealous ?? I dont know ...

Jealousy is such a negative emotion ... what good really comes of it, if she thinks I am stingy with my money, she should look at how stingy she is with her mind ... LOL, let go, everything will be ok !!

Edited February 4, 2013 by bob_333