Did I do the Right Thing? And Healing After a Broken Friendship...

[DallasGirl25]

Hi there, I’m new on this forum so I hope I’m posting in the right place. I wasn’t really sure where to post so I hope this is okay, but I’ve asked advice on another forum, but this forum seems to be ten times better and emotionally better then with the other forum I’ve posted at. But any way lately I had to break up I guess you can say an online friendship of five years. She was my first online friendship and the longest I’ve had. We mainly had the one common interest of The X-Files. And we pretty much had grown on our friendship for that. Well after a while we shared the same friends. But I drifted apart from them, one copied my web design work and lied about it. The other one only cared about herself more than any one else so I had to just cut her out mainly she stopped talking to me after I mentioned that to her. And the other one just had too many emotional problems at the time and other things going on and made some threats towards me. I’m not getting into the complete details with that one. But any way we always had different interests and when she started her senior year in college I realized she was into more school activities and was into drama and things which is great she really needs that. But when she got into college she started talking down to me, she thought I was too harsh with the advice I gave her … I think in the long run she gave me advice she thought I wanted to hear when I told her to give me the honest truth about things all the time and she never could I don’t think. But she wanted me to say things to her that she wanted to hear. And I thought even though you need to do it emotionally right to not hurt the other one’s feelings … a real friend will tell you things you might not like to hear all the time. Any way I noticed the age difference when she came down to see me once a year or so ago she’s a couple of years younger than I am, but has a lot of growing up to do. She likes to shout in movie theaters to rattle people, she says things allowed about other people that I don’t because I’m afraid to hurt their feelings. That sort of stuff. Even though she is a really good listener I always felt that I put 100% into the friendship and I realized that with my other best friend to. And what I’m really craving a lot is for someone to do the same with me like I would with them. Lately the biggest thing that’s bugged me is that she started to copy me. She took on the same interests I did, she was always thinking of herself too much, she started to talk down to me a lot and I would be honest with her because I don’t tolerate that kind of thing. I try to be patient as I can with people BUT … she changed her degree to the same thing I did right after I said I was going to change my degree to English in college, even though she was also still in theater. It was like she was trying to be me. Which is weird because she had more friends then I do. I don’t know if she did that because she looked up to me, or even realized she was doing it. But I talked to her about it more than once and I couldn’t get passed it. It was also sort of big little things she would copy as well or it seemed to wild. I slipped and fell really hard, she slipped and fell. I had a difficult time with my mom so would she with her parents I had a bad day she would have a bad day…she‘s never done this before and did a complete 180* turn. And Monday I had made the hardest decision and to break off our friendship. So to be not like another friend we had together who just totally ignored her and removed her from her life I wanted to be a better person (hopefully) and give some of my reasons in the nicest way possible to say I can’t be friends with her any more. Or rather is I left if both of us from a long time ago wanted to get back in touch or be friends together we would both have to agree and maybe be friends again. She was totally understanding, but still didn’t see herself trying to be me. Maybe it’s in my head, but from where I am at I don’t think so it‘s just something I couldn‘t handle because I‘ve never been in the situation before and she wasn‘t or doesn‘t seem into our friendship or being honest with me too much … as much any more plus many other things. I’ve always had people dump me so-to-speak because we’ve had a fight and they never wanted to work it out and I realize now of course how petty the fights were. Or I would move away and lose friends. I mainly have one good online friend now. And I don’t have any other friends besides that. She also just had a baby so she’s busy with her little one. I’m trying hard to make friends, I know it takes a while but it’s hard for me. I was teased really bad when I was little - I don’t even know why. But I do trust people, it’s not that it’s just I’m afraid they don’t like me or I feel stupid with what I say a lot of the times and many people here are in cliques and it‘s hard to fit in. I‘m not even looking for a lot of friends I‘d be happy with one really good friend or a few friends I think that‘s more important than having many friends. The first night it was really hard I almost cried because I missed her. I think I made the right decision because we are going in a lot of different directions she has a lot of growing up to do and I’m looking for more opportunities and for more close friends (mainly off line). The only thing that’s hard is that I’m still letting her post at my journal (My mom said that’ll take time before she’ll stop as well posting at my journals). I told her she could but it’s hard to get over her when she still does and she’s still active at my forum. Again I can’t be rude and tell her not to post that’s unfair. But it’s just hard. I know I did the right thing I guess I’m asking if any one else thinks I did. Two: how do you heal and move on from a friendship for a long time and maybe get passed old friendships? And Three how do you go about making new friends? I know it helps to not be shy and hang out at places to where people might have more in common with…but it’s easier said than done. And hopefully this all makes sense. Sorry for the long post btw.

[hurtingandconfused]

Break it down into paragraphs please.

[TazmaGurl]

Your asking a question thats really tuff to answer, how do you get over a friend.

 

I'll tell you how I got over mine, but it won't help since I didn't do it the "right" way.

 

I wrote my girlfriend a note, telling her what happened to make me decide I don't want to be around her anymore, I gave her the note and asked her if there was anything about me she had to get off her chest before we go our seperate ways. She said no, that I was right. We changed and we're completely different people. She didn't mention the real reason she didn't want to be around me anymore... I was too depressed and not "fun" anymore. (Keep in mind I was 16 and in highschool at the time I had my last "friend")

 

So I resented her, for everything that had happened. I spoke bad of her as if she wasn't good enough for me. (She acted better then me! as if I wasn't worth her time) And after the loss of so many highschool buds and my best friend too, I was alone. I moved out of my parents house and started to play around with street drugs to keep me happy. Meanwhile, my hatred for her grew and grew. I just pushed her out of my life/mind, when I thought of her it was only how much I hated her.

 

You know what... I don't think I have gotten over her... So I may be wasting my time with this post... hah!

 

I haven't seen her in 6 years. I moved across the country now I won't ever have to see any of them again.

 

Tazmagurl