im in love with my friend buuuuut...we're both girls

[clearsunset]

My friend and I are both 19 year old females. We have been close friends for a little over a year after meeting in our first year of college. We did everything together. There was rarely ever a time where someone would see me and not see her or vice versa. I also don't open up to people very easy and definitely not that fast. I developed some feelings for her.

 

We would always send each other cute and loving messages, call each other cute names, and tell each other how beautiful and cute one another is. After a couple of months of feeling like this I decided to tell her how I feel because at this point I just wanted to get it off my chest. I told her I had feelings for her and it bothered my so I wanted to tell her as a step of me getting over these feelings.

 

She said told me that she knew it was hard for me to admit and that she's just not interested in women. She actually took it better than I thought...at first. So I told her "hopefully we can move foward and not make it that big of a deal". She agreed with me and said she wouldn't make it into a big deal. However, she also told me it might feel a little awkward at first but "it is what it is".

 

Ever since October, I've been the one to initiate contact because she never texts me first anymore. But, when i do text her she responds and from what i get from responses i think she still cares. Whenever I see her tho she acts like Im suppose to forget how much of a b#$%^ she is being...like everything is ok. But when i contact her to hangout she is always busy or doing something. I just dont see how it could be awkward for her when I was the one that was turned down. I dont really feel an awkwardness because I understand that it will never be and im willing to move past that because i really just want my FRIEND back. I even asked her was I making myself look like a fool for still trying to keep in contact with her and she said no.

 

One night I asked her to hangout and she said she had something to do. I told her to let it go and some other things were said. She told me I was over analyzing things and that she knows how it is to have feelings for someone and that you just dont bounce back from them like that. She then told me she was gonna give me space and she would see me like she sees anyone else.

 

I told her I didnt want things to be like this permanently and she said "honestly i dont know". We still text but nothing more at the moment.

 

I just dont know what to do anymore. All of this has taken place from october until now. I really dont want to lose her as a friend. I wish she could get over this and everything go back to normal. I havent gave up yet, but should I? Are my efforts worth it at this point?

[coffeebean201]

Sounds like she is uncomfortable but also a really nice person.

 

When you start dating someone else, she might warm up again.

[clearsunset]

I didn't want her to feel that way but i guess i cant blame her for that. Its hard for me to put myself in her shoes sometimes because i hurt so much over this and maybe that last thing you suggested will work but its also hard for me to even want to start new relationships of any sort with people right now.

[coffeebean201]

Sorry you are going through this.

 

 

Sounds like you were really good friends.

[clearsunset]

Yes we were/are? Your response provided some emotional relief for me. Thank you for taking the time to respond

[MyAngel]

It sounds like she is uncomfortable with your confession. I'm sorry that she can't seem to get past it.

 

I fell in love with my ex-friend this year. And she did with me. Hence ex-friends now..... When we were in love it was beautiful but she ended our relationship and consequently our friendship. Be careful with friendships is all I can say. Now I don't have her as a friend anymore