Lexa Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 (edited) Hi all, I have a complicated relationship with my best friend, he's a guy and I'm a girl. We haven't seen each other physically in years but have remained as close as ever. I was never okay with the friendship because I feel "too" comfortable, like he brings out the worst in me. But then again, I have no one else that even compares to how well we relate to each other. We always say our relationship defies definition, that we are basically "soulmates." I'm not attracted to him, though I drunkenly hooked up with him one time (third base). I don't think he's unattractive per se, and it would be perfect if I were attracted to him, but I don't think it will ever happen if it never did. Maybe my desire to end the friendship, or even the fact that I'm not attracted to him, denotes a lack of self-acceptance on my part, I don't know. He doesn't outright say he is in love with me, but he thinks about me all the time and once dated someone for 9 months to try to forget me. His latest girlfriend was extremely jealous of the 'concept' of me even without me being there. She found our facebook messages and considered it as "cheating," he complained about her to me a lot. He always alluded to wishing she were more like me. I always think it would be best if we went our separate ways, and I've tried to end the friendship but always end up craving the support, the laughter, the understanding. I don't know what to do with the situation.. the best case scenario would be to remain friends but keep it at a distance, but time and time again I've seen that neither of us can do that. It's such an intense, joyful friendship that we spend hours on the phone together... I feel like this interferes with my other relationships and my life in general. And obviously his, in a much more drastic and direct way. I feel like my only option is to completely cut him off with no explanation. We've gone through this before, and he either talks me out of it or gets really upset. Yet I'm the one who usually re-initiates contact for one reason or another after a few months. What should I do? Edited December 22, 2012 by Lexa Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 Hi all, I have a complicated relationship with my best friend, he's a guy and I'm a girl. We haven't seen each other physically in years but have remained as close as ever. I was never okay with the friendship because I feel "too" comfortable, like he brings out the worst in me. But then again, I have no one else that even compares to how well we relate to each other. We always say our relationship defies definition, that we are basically "soulmates." I'm not attracted to him, though I drunkenly hooked up with him one time (third base). I don't think he's unattractive per se, and it would be perfect if I were attracted to him, but I don't think it will ever happen if it never did. Maybe my desire to end the friendship, or even the fact that I'm not attracted to him, denotes a lack of self-acceptance on my part, I don't know. He doesn't outright say he is in love with me, but he thinks about me all the time and once dated someone for 9 months to try to forget me. His latest girlfriend was extremely jealous of the 'concept' of me even without me being there. She found our facebook messages and considered it as "cheating," he complained about her to me a lot. He always alluded to wishing she were more like me. I always think it would be best if we went our separate ways, and I've tried to end the friendship but always end up craving the support, the laughter, the understanding. I don't know what to do with the situation.. the best case scenario would be to remain friends but keep it at a distance, but time and time again I've seen that neither of us can do that. It's such an intense, joyful friendship that we spend hours on the phone together... I feel like this interferes with my other relationships and my life in general. And obviously his, in a much more drastic and direct way. I feel like my only option is to completely cut him off with no explanation. We've gone through this before, and he either talks me out of it or gets really upset. Yet I'm the one who usually re-initiates contact for one reason or another after a few months. What should I do? I have two exes that are pretty close friends.One of them annoys the crap out of me .But he has no one else in his life.No family and no real friends other than me and my family.He has a had a rough life, I have empathy and sympathy fro him which is killer to any desire for m e.when I feel sorry for someone I am not attracted to them , I am there to help them. The other ex he lives interstate we had a combustible relationship.strong feelings on my side, strong desire and used to be mutual sexual attraction,I broke contact with him for nearly six months when we split.He reconnected with me.We are friends now it has been a balancing act. We have kids together three girls.That contact is hard to avoid.What i can avoid is physical contact if I were to form another relationship I would be open and honest about him and our past relationship.Maintaining friendship with someone who has feelings for you is hard, its also hard for the person with feelings.I am a reserved and restrained person anyway so I am able to maintain a friendship even if it means not showing how i really feel......such as now.I have fallen for a guy and i try to maintain a friendship. Ultimately I am going to have to move on, his did reject me, the feelings I have wont go away however, which does not surprise me, if i continue to see him they will just become more obvious. GROAN I am pretty sure my eyes light up as it is.Distance and no pyhsical contact or visual is the way I deal with situations I know can't continue.I think when you get to that point where its heartache all the time.Its time to go.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
HighFlight12 Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I think your best bet is to cut it off completely and don't look back. He's probably hurt that you don't want him. No matter what, as long as you are in his life, he will try and change your heart. Speaking from personal experience, I am a guy, I fell for a best friend of mine, it was mutual, and I fell hard. Now i'm at a point to where I have cut all contact with her, because I don't want to hurt myself over her. So with that being said, you have to draw the line if he isn't strong enough to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lexa Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 even if he claims that's not what he's trying to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lexa Posted December 25, 2012 Author Share Posted December 25, 2012 Anyone else? He wrote a song that was inspired by our friendship, sent me the lyrics and is going to send me a demo of it.. Also we live almost 200 miles from each other but he keeps saying we should see each other. Does this sound unhealthy? I was thinking that if it sounds like the right thing to do, I'm just going to cut him off New Year's without telling him. Link to post Share on other sites
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