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Caught out creeping!


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 12th November 2012, 9:12 PM   #1
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Red face Caught out creeping!

So I had this friend growing up, let's call her M.

We used to play dolls together, went thru everything together, great friends...then she met the guy she eventually married.

I thought he was cool and we got along great. We all ended up double-dating when I got married. When my marriage ended, M's husband P took it really personally. I got the impression he thought that because my relationship ended, it would somehow inspire M to break up with him. They must have been going through a rocky patch for him to be so insecure, but that's neither here nor there.

I was miserable when I was going through my divorce. Absolutely devastated. And M wasn't there for me because P made it clear he didn't want her talking to me. I was so messed up I couldn't even see how controlling he was being, and I somehow internalized it...it made me feel even worse about myself. Kinda like being kicked while I was down.

Anyway, the last time I talked to her, and it's been a few years, she was crying because P had basically 'put his foot down' and told her she was to have nothing to do with me. She essentially said goodbye.

I, oddly, didn't take this all that personally and just kind of went on with my life. A few months later I emailed her saying something like, hope you have a nice life, guess we won't be talking again, pity but that's life kind of thing.

She responded with something that just crushed me. A letter that basically said I was a piece of garbage with all of these insane accusations that were so far out of left field that I knew she was struggling to justify 'dumping' me as a friend, in her mind. I also knew it was pretty much coming straight from P.

The stuff she said was just nonsense. It included:

- a guy friend of mine really liked a certain brand of clothes and had mentioned that he liked this one particular piece of clothing. So I bought it for him for Christmas. I was really happy because it ended up being like 60% off. It was the exact thing he wanted and he liked it a lot. According to M, I don't care about my friends because I didn't pay full price for a gift for this guy. ??? Does that make sense to anyone?

- one of the last times we talked, she had invited me out to a movie with a group of P's friends, a fantasy movie. I HATE fantasy, detest it really, and knew I couldn't sit through it. But I really wanted to hang with her so I said I'd meet up with them after. This wasn't good enough so I said, ok, well then how about I see another movie that ends at the same time in the same theatre? Not good enough. P told her to tell me I wasn't welcome if I wasn't going to sit through the fantasy crap. I was like...oohhhh-kayyyy...well, I'm certainly not watching it now. Anyway, according to the letter I'm really selfish because I don't always want to do stuff she wants to do, and she cited the fact that I wouldn't watch that movie. Pure nonsense because I'm really really flexible in general but just couldn't sit through a three-hour (yes, three) movie I had no interest in.

Anyway. Fast-forward to now. We have some mutual fb friends. And yes, every now and then I do look at her profile. I miss her even though she essentially treated me like crap at the end...I know it's because she's in an emotionally controlling/borderline abusive relationship, and while that doesn't make it ok, I sort of understand and basically forgive her while just kind of thinking she's a bit of an idiot for all that.

So she had posted a new profile pic. I clicked on it while looking through fb on my cellphone. She looked nice, I felt glad. I'm emotionally detached but still kind of think about her and want things to go well for her.

Anyway, I went to go back but somehow scrolled down and click click click, ended up opening up her SISTER's profile and sending her a friend request. Total accident! I didn't even mean to click on the sister's profile! Haha. Oops. This happened a couple times before where my phone has a lag or something...I don't know. A couple times I sent random friend requests to people I didn't even mean to click on, but it didn't matter, I was just like, oops, haha. One even added me back, which I thought was funny (I ended up just deleting her, haha).

Anyway, I was like, oh crap, I added her sister! I raced to my laptop to cancel the friend request (no way I was going to try to do it on my cell -- I'd probably end up adding her whole family, haha). Cancelled request, done.

Well, I guess the damage was already done, lol, because when I went back the next day to check if the request was in fact gone, she had blocked all her friends and her sister's profile was totally blocked from me, lol. Don't know why she didn't just block me...guess she likes to check up on me, too.

So this is mildly embarrassing until I say 'oh yeah, I forgot -- I don't care!' And laugh about it.

Haha. Just felt like sharing that with someone. Oh, and to add a wee bit more embarrassment, M and P have recently re-befriended my ex-H, so I hear, so I bet they're all having a wee laugh at my expense.

I know it probably sounds like I'm bothered by this and I'm really not, but I'm definitely in a state of, 'Wow, I can't believe I did that!' And then I laugh.

Anyway, thanks for reading my novel! If you made it this far, feel free to share any internet/facebook-related gaffs you may have had.
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Old 12th November 2012, 11:33 PM   #2
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Wow! I've pretty much had the exact same thing happen to me. Only this girl we grew up together had known each other since we were 4 and it seemed like every relationship she was in, I wasnt "allowed" to be around or vice versa. Instead of her telling me straight up though she just ignored me. When we were alone she would tell me one thing and then run back to him and tell him another. Haha there's a lot more to this story than what Im willing to share and the fact that it would take you day and night to read the whole thing lol but needless to say he pretty much "brainwashed" her if you will into thinking that I was messing with their relationship. When in reality I had nothing but an opinion and was completely entitled to it when she asked me for advice. Never suggested or pushed her to make any decisions. She recently got ahold of me and things have been "okay" I guess you could say but going from BFF to pretty much like an acquaintance that kind of hurt. Then to realize you've been replaced as a friend. Bummer, I tell ya. Oh well though thats life if our friendship is meant to last it will an our paths will cross again if not then hopefully I can find someone better in a sense. Glad to know Im not the only one that has been through that.
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