chocolatecupcake Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Hi, Im new to this site, but Im going to do you all the favor and skip the introduction. So heres my situation: Ive come to know one of my coworkers fairly well, weve spent nights together as casual friends, hung out and weve decided to remain friends as we both decided that we really enjoy each others company. We both discussed how we should be keeping things professional at work, of course, and we did (after work is when he will normally text me and ask how im doing and make plans with me to hang out). Things were cool and normal for a period of time up until a couple of days ago, he sent me a text saying that he would like to have some personal space for himself, and that I didnt do anything, but he would only like to remain *quote on quote* "Friends at Work."(??) I know that hes been dealing with some personal stuff recently as I have (a recent break-up with his girlfriend, who also works at the same place), but it seems as though the day after i tell him that i havent been feeling well because ive been dealing with my depression and i also have feelings for someone who isnt feeling the same way about me, that hes pushing me away because he cant deal with my issues or something. for whatever reason. ...and im ALWAYS the one listening to him, giving him my straight-from-the-heart advice. Its like I was too much for him or something... I do have a feeling that it could be because he finally figured out in my text that i have feelings for him and that he became almost like OH MY GOSH i cant handle someone who likes me! (and hes told me about a week ago that hes attracted to me, but hes not ready for a relationship, obviously).. so maybe thats why im being pushed away? It just hurts my feelings because we havent texted or spoken a word to each other at work for about 4 days now, and even though I agreed that I would give him space to do some soul-searching or to figure his s*** out in the text from 4 days ago, that the connection that we had has just gone to a complete waste and yes, I do want it back. The hanging out, enjoying each others company... It literally feels like I dont know him anymore. He acted aggressively at work yesterday, and I didnt know how to act, I just literally and I mean literally said nothing to him, not even good morning. I have no clue what to do, at this point I feel as if Im being completely rejected by not only a crush, but someone who before, i could actually trust and feel as though i could be so natural and open around. I really want him back, im tired of this "personal space" stuff but Im afraid to say anything. Should I be patient, continue to give him the literal "space" he wants and wait it out? Should I confront him? Back off and move on? I just feel hurt and like someone who ever told you over and over while you hung out that he "valued your friendship" (he would tell me this over and over!) and then pushed you away like he did me doesnt even know what a friend is.. so im angry as well. Jeez, I dont even know, I just want your opinions on this on what should be done on my part. Much appreciation. Until I get some fresh insight on my situation, tomorrow is going to be the same as it was yesterday: im going to continue to ignore him as i really dont know what else to do.. this really sucks. I think about him all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 "tomorrow is going to be the same as it was yesterday" i think you are a little, just a little, bit in love with him; but tbh, there are other attractive men out there, you can't confront him i think people react badly to be berated, let him be for now, make some plans for a girl's night out, he's depressing you Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolatecupcake Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 he is depressing me and its not fair! i would go out if i had any friends who lived in this area. How can i stop myself from checking my phone and thinking about him? He really does have no right to do this to me, especially if hes not thinking about me at all. Which could be and also might not be the case. I know yesterday at work he was wearing the shirt i complemented him on about a week ago back when we were "friends", if that means anything. and while i was ignoring him, he did give me several glances and look up at me a few times..i saw it from the corner of his eye. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Hi, Im new to this site, but Im going to do you all the favor and skip the introduction. So heres my situation: Ive come to know one of my coworkers fairly well, weve spent nights together as casual friends, hung out and weve decided to remain friends as we both decided that we really enjoy each others company. We both discussed how we should be keeping things professional at work, of course, and we did (after work is when he will normally text me and ask how im doing and make plans with me to hang out). Things were cool and normal for a period of time up until a couple of days ago, he sent me a text saying that he would like to have some personal space for himself, and that I didnt do anything, but he would only like to remain *quote on quote* "Friends at Work."(??) I know that hes been dealing with some personal stuff recently as I have (a recent break-up with his girlfriend, who also works at the same place), but it seems as though the day after i tell him that i havent been feeling well because ive been dealing with my depression and i also have feelings for someone who isnt feeling the same way about me, that hes pushing me away because he cant deal with my issues or something. for whatever reason. ...and im ALWAYS the one listening to him, giving him my straight-from-the-heart advice. Its like I was too much for him or something... I do have a feeling that it could be because he finally figured out in my text that i have feelings for him and that he became almost like OH MY GOSH i cant handle someone who likes me! (and hes told me about a week ago that hes attracted to me, but hes not ready for a relationship, obviously).. so maybe thats why im being pushed away? It just hurts my feelings because we havent texted or spoken a word to each other at work for about 4 days now, and even though I agreed that I would give him space to do some soul-searching or to figure his s*** out in the text from 4 days ago, that the connection that we had has just gone to a complete waste and yes, I do want it back. The hanging out, enjoying each others company... It literally feels like I dont know him anymore. He acted aggressively at work yesterday, and I didnt know how to act, I just literally and I mean literally said nothing to him, not even good morning. I have no clue what to do, at this point I feel as if Im being completely rejected by not only a crush, but someone who before, i could actually trust and feel as though i could be so natural and open around. I really want him back, im tired of this "personal space" stuff but Im afraid to say anything. Should I be patient, continue to give him the literal "space" he wants and wait it out? Should I confront him? Back off and move on? I just feel hurt and like someone who ever told you over and over while you hung out that he "valued your friendship" (he would tell me this over and over!) and then pushed you away like he did me doesnt even know what a friend is.. so im angry as well. Jeez, I dont even know, I just want your opinions on this on what should be done on my part. Much appreciation. Until I get some fresh insight on my situation, tomorrow is going to be the same as it was yesterday: im going to continue to ignore him as i really dont know what else to do.. this really sucks. I think about him all the time. I am in a similar situation but not as advanced as your situation is........ill explain......I am stuck not knowing what to do.....i told a guy first i had feelings for him we hadnt really "hung out that much" I don know where these feelings came from a spark i perceived.....something struck me and it hit pretty hard.doesnt happen to me normally so I started to look forward to seeing him...disappointed when i didnt..i started to notice things about him his smile....his eyes...his attitude.....the way he talked everything.......the fact he argued with me...lol...and it didnt piss me off.....well it wasn't arguments per say more difference of opinions so i told him i had feelings.......his feelings were for another...he was a true gentleman about it.....i didnt expect less...... now if i were to pursue this i would always consider myself second best....which makes me sad.....because i really do care for the guy...but i cant be that girl anymore......the more i hear his name the more i think about him the deeper i fall.....i hope he has the best life and love have to offer him i only want that for him...i think my heart wont give up on me though having what i love ......i am doing what i can to make myself feel good...not interested in dating anyone because now i have these feelings i need to deal with.So .....I wait....I wait fro what ever I am supposed to do and be and be with...i have so much love to give....but if i am not first ...it wont be given......didnt think i ever wanted to give my heart away again......and at the moment i cant because he took it.....lol....i have hope that whatever is meant to happen for me will happen......i have refused medication any kind.......that would take away all what i feel it would be so easy to zombie myself out of feeling anything....done it for years...until i found my church again....so now i pray i walk it seems like forever but nothing will turn me back.....i move forward to wherever i am supposed to be and I pray ...not to have him.....not anymore....i pray for happiness......to stay with me always....to be able to get through the rough days as well as the good days and i have both...sometimes in the one day....lol....I know that if I can not take seeing him anymore i will go nc........we dont have a real hang out situation which is probably for the best ......i dont feel i tin my heart to do that for now....so ill keep on doing what i always do when things are not known to me....finding the beauty in all i can find.......and loving the people who love me back.....helping people otu when i can and accepting my feelings love sadness disappointment, insecure thoughts...i accept them all.....at least i can feel them..accept who you are chocky cupcake you gave a wonderful post to a person asking for help, you will be ok....no matter what happens....god loves you i can guarantee that..he believes in you when it seems no one else does.....i believe that...you are wonderful...kick depressions ass and boot it to never never land...best wishes ....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolatecupcake Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 good for you DIB for not allowing someone to take the responsibility for your own happiness anymore. Thank you for your kind words, you will be fine as well, you are on the right path, and as long as you keep walking down the path of freedom and (for now) singledom, will you gain an even better insight on yourself from self discovery and patience, and yes, holding value to the beauty around you and the love from others is a wonderful thing. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 good for you DIB for not allowing someone to take the responsibility for your own happiness anymore. Thank you for your kind words, you will be fine as well, you are on the right path, and as long as you keep walking down the path of freedom and (for now) singledom, will you gain an even better insight on yourself from self discovery and patience, and yes, holding value to the beauty around you and the love from others is a wonderful thing. <3 Thanks choc, i am going to I have really always been one to find my own happiness, haven't had it given to me...i find it.....confusion is nothing new to me.....when i do get confused i use distance to sort myself out and that is what i am going to do now.....i have just ordered this complete workout thingie.....going to go boot camp style now.......ill keep praying ill never stop.......lol....for the strength and my body to keep going boot camp style....strengthen everything i have and get out there when i have perspective and my perception is not held in limbo .....this distance thing is goign to take me away from a place i have grown to love......ill just relocate that one its possible.......ill get as strong as i need to be heart mind and body...god has led me true so far.....i have always found what i have needed to have ..he guides me..i dont doubt that i will this time..even though i feel liek crap at the moment thinking about it........I will eventually find what i need to move forward.......thanks for your kind reply much appreciated........good wishes and hope to you and yours from me...deb Link to post Share on other sites
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