if a friend has less money than u

[darkmoon]

obviously you pay for them when you hang out cuz they're friends, but eventually it feels one-sided because it is

 

i have one friend who bought a television as a spare one for her bedroom, she is also in a debt, large installments to find monthly, over rent. but she won't reduce the installment amount although she legally can

 

i am not seeing her due to my not having much money, she hasn't rung me since i told her i was broke

 

how do other ppl view this? do you pay for friends? alot?

Edited June 3, 2012 by darkmoon

[Exit]

I have not been in the position in a long while where I can offer to pay for other people, but I would for the most part. I truly like to try to have relationships to the point where I feel I can say to people "what's mine is yours". Obviously this involves having to be cautious and not taken advantage of. Case in point, a female friend of mine just got dumped and needed a place to stay for a while, and although she did not end up coming here because it was too far, I pretty much implied that my home was open to her. But then recently I noticed I am only getting offers to hang out with her when it involves her needing a ride somewhere and me tagging along, so I turned down her most recent offer to get dragged to some seminar somewhere because I sensed she needed my car more than me.

 

In your case, people like that are a tricky situation. They truly do have less money than you, but it's because they refuse to grow up and manage their own money. She would be able to afford paying her own tab when you hang out, but she'd rather have a new TV and massive bills to pay. I'm not sure about not hearing from her since saying you were broke, maybe saying "broke" went too far and made it sound like you were unable to even afford an evening out for yourself. It's hard to speak gently in these types of situations but maybe you should have said something more along the lines of needing to hang out somewhere cheap and that you only had enough for yourself. But regardless, not hearing from her since doesn't sound like a good thing and maybe she is just looking for people to mooch off of.

 

I've always been the type to have a few really close friends or none at all. Once you are past that line in my heart and I really accept you, I will pay for things and do what I can. But you do have to be cautious and not get taken advantage of.

 

I say you go about your life and see if she ever contacts you to hang out again. If not, then obviously she isn't too concerned about you.

[Coffee20]

I have only a few close friends and I don't accept as my friend just anyone.

If I know that my friend has less money than me and I want to do something which costs money then I usually pay. Sometimes I pay because she/he passed the exam, achieved some goal etc. I like to share with my close friends and I would like to share with my next bf too. But I am actually able to do activities that don't cost money at all. My friendships aren't based on money so if someone tells me I don't have money I have no problem with it. I was in the situation when I didn't have money either and if my close friends left me I wouldn't take them back later.

I paid a lot for my ex bf and it was a mistake....sometimes it really isn't worth and if you pay too often, some people will take advantage of you.

[carhill]

if a friend has less money than u

obviously you pay for them when you hang out cuz they're friends

Not necessarily. Most of my friends have far more monetary wealth than I do, but I still take them to lunch or dinner and buy them gifts I can afford. The hard part is getting them to agree to that. I actually had one take a 50 buck HD gift card I had given her for her 60th and stuff it back in my pocket a few weeks later and told me to 'buy something for your (my) house'. I did! I think she was mad at me for not using the key they gave me to their beach house. I wasn't sufficiently abusing their generosity!