ON MY OWN Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I have a friend who always texts about how she is suspicious of her boyfriend whos job requires a lot of travel. She then says shes better and they are so in love and its just her being paranoid from her last bf who cheated. But then it cycles every week like this. I am not a mean person but would like some clever ways of dealing with this and being a true friend. I really dont think she is ready for the truth if it is that he is a cheater. I am having some trouble understanding why people in their 30's and 40's would even waste thier time on someone they apparently dont trust. Many times when she texts after the storm blows over in her mind, she texts me she knows how in love they are and he wont leave her, etc..etc. Til the next few days pass. If she is having a hard time with it she wants to not eat or get out of bed! I told her she should be with someone to compliment her life not DEFINE it. Any suggestions that are nice ones on how to deal with this...I am to the point I stopped saying too much because I think she has her mind made up. Its so sad I think she has zero self esteem. I will be a shoulder but dont feel like any imput actually sinks in to her mind. Thanks for any insight/suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) she's in love so won't ever listen, it did cross my mind, forgive me if am wrong, but is she addicted to the drama, i knew somebody who was just like her, i wish i'd asked her stop phoning me it could be eleven at night eight in the morning a whole year exhausted by her tbh only to find out she was asking everybody else all the time and ignoring them too, and i thought was that one vital "shoulder" Edited April 26, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 she's in love so won't ever listen, it did cross my mind, forgive me if am wrong, but is she addicted to the drama, i knew somebody who was just like her, i wish i'd asked her stop phoning me it could be eleven at night eight in the morning a whole year exhausted by her tbh only to find out she was asking everybody else all the time and ignoring them too, and i thought was that one vital "shoulder" I used to have a friend JUST like that. Constant drama, drama, drama. Would tell me she had only told just me about this or that. Never listening to a damn thing I said. Then I would find out she was telling everyone who would listen!! She was doing it because she wanted someone to tell her what she wanted to hear even if it wasn't true. Eventually I told her I did not want to listen to her talk about that subject anymore. And she stopped!! If I were you I would tell your friend to just stop talking to you about it. She's not listening to you anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 amazed to find out that SpiralOut had the same thing happen, i was dreading looking because at the time you feel mean but i wish i had told her 'i feel sorry for you but there's nothing i can do/all you are doing is draining me' i did once say i was all too hard to handle and she yelled at me Link to post Share on other sites
Author ON MY OWN Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Thank you darkmoon and SpiralOut....I really appreciate your honest answers because it is starting to drain me too. Dont they know how they sound? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ON MY OWN Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 (edited) I have basically given up....if she asks me again (I am sure she will) I will just tell her she needs other interests also. She drew 40 pictures in one night that say he loves her, she loves him and etc....you get the point Iam sure. She also makes a big deal out of every month anniversary as if its a yearly one....they have been together around 4 months. She tells me she thinks hes cheating then I see shes all "in love" again the next day. I am beginning to think she is obsessive maybe? We are talking about a 30 year old woman here. She does talk about other stuff, but it appears she is dependant upon him to validate her self worth. She doesnt want to get a job because he gives her money....I would help, but there is no talking her out of it. I have tried. Still being her friend.....just pulling back as far as advice to her when she asks....dont want to be mixed with it because I really dont understand it. When she worries about him cheating on her she says she dont want to get out of bed or eat. When she pulls herself out of it she says .... I see what I was doing and we are really in love. This cycles. Yikes...... Edited May 4, 2012 by ON MY OWN Link to post Share on other sites
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