In love with my best friend, not requited...how do I move on?

[gellywelly]

I am so confused right now and don't know what to do. I have been best friends with a guy for 5 years (he is 26, I am 29). When we first met, he had a girlfriend and I was single and we became very close. I was never interested in him in the beginning, though I think he had a small thing for me.

We became very very close and he and his girlfriend eventually broke up (he had cheated on her several times and it was just a bad relationship). I moved to another state for a job but we still remained very close friends. We talked on the phone every night, he visited me and we went on a European vacation together. Just as friends! We have never made out or done anything.

After our European vacation, I realized I had some feelings for him. I sent him an email telling him I liked him and asked how he felt. (I thought he felt the same way as he had been staring at me a lot on the trip, and we had shared some close moments). He emailed me back saying I was his best friend and he would never want to risk our friendship. (You should know that I am also his only real friend and the only one he tells anything personal to). He also has a bad track record with relationships and in the past he hooked up with a friend and it ruined the friendship.

I felt rejected but tried to move on. Our friendship for the next few months was slightly tense and awkward. I felt like he was sending me mixed signals and I didn't really understand. He told me he was going to try and move to my state (get a new job) so we could be closer together, he then said he would love me to move to his state, he told me that I had all the qualities he is looking for in a girl, he would get quiet/jealous when I talked about other guys, many girls he really wanted looked like me, etc.,

I just didn't understand why he didn't want me and I grew very jealous/obsessive. We ended up arguing and we stopped speaking for 2 weeks. I was heartbroken, crying everyday and scared I had lost him as a friend.

We started talking again and things are great.He told me that during the time that we weren't talking that he realized he needed to be a better and nicer friend to me and show me that he values and appreciates me. We already had plans to visit each other in December (me one week, him the next) and we are excited about the trips and making plans. However, once again I feel like he is playing with my feelings. He told me that he thinks it would be great if I got a boyfriend in his state and he got a girlfriend in my state so that we could visit each other often. I said how would that work because I would be visiting my bf and he would be visiting his gf, not each other. And then he said that we could all just double date.

But most troublesome for me is that he is on match.com and meeting a bunch of women. One especially that he is really really excited about. He says he feels like she is a ray of sunshine that has been put in his life and how he thinks they have so much in common and he is soo excited and hopes to be in a relationship with her. (I was soo hurt because basically I felt like he told me he didn't wanna date me because he just wanted fun).

I am getting soo upset and jealous but keeping it to myself but I don't know how do deal with this and remain friends with him. I am scared he will drop me as his best friend if he gets into a relationship with this girl (he is going on his first date with her tonight).

He has told me that I am his best friend in the world and he would never and could never drop me but obviously he would not have as much time for me. I just don't know what to do. I thought I was doing well, trying to move on and realizing and accepting that he didn't love me like I love him but it is just so hard. Is there a way for me to remain best friends and still get over him? (I feel guilty because I am his only good friend that he tells stuff to as well, so if I am not there, he has no-one).

[green_tea]

I think it would be in your best interests to have a break from this guy. Don't feel guilty about not being there for him as a friend - you have to think about yourself first. The feelings of jealousy that you have are not good for you at all. You need a break from him to get over him, and get out and meet other guys and move on with your life.

 

You also say he cheated on his last gf - ask yourself do you really want to be with someone like that? How could you ever trust him? And please don't think that he would change for you. I was involved with a guy who cheated on his gf with me, he eventually broke up with her, was involved with me for a short while, then got a new gf, and still tried it again with me.

 

These days I don't let myself get down if a guy I like doesn't like me back - I don't see the point in getting depressed about something you can't change. If he doesn't feel the same way, I move on and get on with my life, otherwise you are just wasting time.

[DreamerGirl27]

yeah, you'll get over him. You may not like anyone else for awhile, but you'll get over him. Even if you remain friends.

[linda101]

I feel that you should move on in your life. Don't let such events pull you down. Have a new goal.

Do you have a dream and vision for yourself?

You need to have them. Focus on your dreams and goals and move forward!

 

But if you need help on relationship issues, check out this site!

http://tinyurl.com/relationship-miracle

 

Cheers!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

What you should have done long ago was put the moves on him while each of you were single.

 

Guys have zero interest in 'only' remaining "friends" with women they are not otherwise caused to be around for reasons of work/family/spouse-partner 'friends'/etc.

 

Instead of pining away in private while too timid to make direct overtures, you should have kissed him or the like.

 

He never would have considered it a "risk" had the door not been open to romance with you at some point. A "risk" is where you have to go and spend a dollar on a lottery ticket. Had the front door of the store been closed nobody could have ventured the dollar to buy anything there, let alone a lottery ticket.

 

You have the p*ssy, so you have the power in the so-called 'friendship'.

[DreamerGirl27]

What you should have done long ago was put the moves on him while each of you were single.

 

Guys have zero interest in 'only' remaining "friends" with women they are not otherwise caused to be around for reasons of work/family/spouse-partner 'friends'/etc.

 

Instead of pining away in private while too timid to make direct overtures, you should have kissed him or the like.

 

He never would have considered it a "risk" had the door not been open to romance with you at some point. A "risk" is where you have to go and spend a dollar on a lottery ticket. Had the front door of the store been closed nobody could have ventured the dollar to buy anything there, let alone a lottery ticket.

 

You have the p*ssy, so you have the power in the so-called 'friendship'.

 

wow, that's a REALLY sexist way of looking at life

[Vince1980]

hey,

i think its best if u distant urself from this guy...its hard i know. your very emotionally connected it seems where as hes isnt. hes now putting into this new gf. I knows its hurtfull and it clearly stands that u are in love with him. You should do wat hes doing. go out and meet someone. u might meet some one whos 10 times better that this current guy, ur hurt and upset. hes happy and not upset.

 

Leave him, go out and meet new friends. if he has personal issues well then he has baggage.......and who wants to be with someone who has baggage

Good luck in what ever u do my friend:)