best friend that does not initiate things

[youaretheone]

I have this best friend for 5 years. A month ago, I texted her to meet in person, I said I missed her and I wanted to do something together but she did not respond. Then two days later when we come across, she tells me she was in a very depressed mood and did not want to talk to anyone else. I took it as granted and moved on. She promised me a meal where we could talk for hours and tell us what we have done when we were apart. She sounded enthusiastic.

 

One week passes and no response. At a phone call, I ask her again to hang out but she says she is busy with courses and she has a project to finish. In the meantime, I became aware that she has been hanging out with other friends of her or with our group of friends, but not with me in private. I stayed calm and said to myself "She thinks you are special so she is preserving a special time for you." Does that sound too much naive?

 

Then at one weekend, I ask her to hang out again, and tell her I got a surprise for her. She tells me she has a friend visiting from a foreign country and she had plans for her for the whole weekend. Then on saturday, she texts me saying that the plans have changed, they are having a group gathering in the evening and she wants me at her side. I say OK and we hang out with our group of friends in the evening, together with her foreign friend. That night, I tell her to reserve 1 hour for me next Saturday so that I will take her to a place she likes (as my surprise). She accepts willingly.

 

This Thursday, I call her to set the time and she responds "I was going to call you. My mum is going aboard and my father is alone so I will have to spend time with him. Could we postpone it to next Saturday?". I am the cool guy again and I say "OK." Then today, I learn from Facebook that she and a few mutual friends of ours are having a brunch and I am, guess what, uninvited.

 

I am paranoid, upset and cannot act cool about this anymore. I don't know whether her mother returned or not but the fact that I am always the one asking her to hang out and her seeming enthusiastic about it but not doing anything about it, leaving it all to me is getting my nerves up. I even started interrogating our friendship.

 

She always tells me I am special to her but her actions show the opposite. I am planning on waiting for her to call next week to ask about the postponed meeting but I don't know if I can be that patient to keep this annoyance inside me. What would you advise me to do? Talk to her immediately or act cool?

[freestyle]

Is this the same friend you were talking about in the "Friend's and Lover's forum here?

 

The one who has a boyfriend, but has been really flirty with you when he's not around?

[youaretheone]

Is this the same friend you were talking about in the "Friend's and Lover's forum here?

 

The one who has a boyfriend, but has been really flirty with you when he's not around?

 

Yep, this is exactly the same friend.

[daineval]

Personally, I will take what someone is doing over what someone is saying any time.

 

She may be saying that she is your friend, but if she is not actually initiating to spend time with you and making excuses, it might be time to cut your losses and not dwell on her too long.

 

Perhaps don't chase her for a while and if she still wants to be your friend, she'll ask after you instead

[youaretheone]

I confronted her about this after she postponed our meeting one more time. She said she is busy and has lots of things to do. Then I ask her to tell me the real and the logical reason behind this since she is very comfortable making time for other friends. I told her I won't pressure her to spend time with me but she has been betraying all my efforts on this friendship. I told her I at least have the privilege to be happy after all I have done for her unconditionally. She just said "I appreciate it. I just can't see ahead and it's not about you. I have lots to do and this 1 hour you promise will take more than 1 hour.". I was really upset with that because all the time, I was always there for her, whenever she wants me next to her out or call and tell me about her bf problems but she could not even spend 1 hour for me? She can't even bear more than one hour with a person who is willing to spend all he has to make her happy?

 

Then I said, whatever and decided to move on. Next day in college, only word spoken was a "hello". I wanted to make sure that she has to talk to me about the truth first. She didn't. I realized that she has been whispering to her bf "What should I do?" after she saw me ignoring her like that.

 

Then when I am leaving, she hugs me and whispers in my ear "I love you. Nothing can change that.". I tell her "If you have something to talk about, you know what to do..." and leave.

 

Am I doing the right thing? What would you advise me to do next? I am planning on treating her as an ordinary friend unless she talks to me about this issue. I want to show her that if I am missing in her life, she has a lot to lose. I also believe that she is already aware of it.

Edited March 6, 2010 by youaretheone