Friend with benefits

[wing81]

This is a long story but I will try to keep it short. A girl had moved to my location and we quickly became friends. After about 6 months it proceded futher and we became intimate friends. We never moved on to the relationshp status because that is not what either of us wanted at that point. At one point she hung her head and apologized saying she didn't want a relationship. We continued to hang out but she drifted away and began to ignore me even though I was trying to continue the friendship that we orginally had. She had it stuck in her head that I was only after more even thought I reassured her time and time again that that wasn't the case. After numerous attempts of trying to get her to be honest with me she started to ignore me. I have to admit that pissed me off more than anything. She was never truthful with me but always said just enough. Now she has been in a "relationship" for 6 months or so now and continues to ignore me. I would like to be friends again and forget about our past but she refuses. I am beginning some of that is a result of her telling lies in order to get people on to her side about the situation. Just hate the fact that I am being ignoring after the time that we spent together even outside of the benefits stage. I know I should probably let her go but enjoyed our friendship too much to let it go. If anyone has some advice I would appreciate it.

[whichwayisup]

You two can't be 'just' friends because of the FWB. She's moved on and associates you as an ex because of the sex. (wow that kind of rhymes..)

 

Also, she may feel uncomfortable because she's with someone else and doesn't feel it's right to spend time with you anymore, out of respect for the person she's with now, and also not to lead you on.

 

She's handled it badly by ignoring you, playing it this way.. But, now you have no choice - Gotta let go and give her time and space. maybe one day she'll come around again, but in the meantime, try to heal and focus on other things in your life, keep busy with other friends..

[wing81]

Makes sense but why I should I be respectful when she hasn't been? Why not expose her for the person she really is?

[whichwayisup]

Be the bigger person here. I'm sure if she's like this with you, she's done this to others..Time will show her true colours!

 

Plus, if you intend on getting her back at some point as your friend, going for revenge or exposing her isn't going to win her back!

[wing81]

Very true, but as much as I want her to be a friend if she hasn't done it by now she won't try to make amends. However, if I expose her for her true self I can keep others from falling into her trip

[whichwayisup]

She isn't worth it. Let go and move on, forget about her then.

 

To go bash her or 'warn' others of her, is just going to make you look petty and jealous..

 

She likes drama! I mean why else would she tell others about you and her? Tell lies?

 

People will 'see her' for who she is eventually..

[wing81]

But I have nothing to lose, unforunately I am at that point. I would almost enjoy bringing her down. It is kind of sad I know, I care about her very much but disappointed on how she decided to treat me. Guess I need to figure out if I want to be the bigger man.

[whichwayisup]

Yeah you have "you" to lose. To enjoy bringing someone down and (not care what others think) isn't a good thing. Revenge is better when you're able to go on with your life and let go - And be happy.

 

If you want to stand up for yourself, CONFRONT HER. Don't go bashing her to everyone else.

 

You got hurt, you let her in, got close and she sh>it on you..

 

Stay away from her, and close yourself off, detach and tell yourself you do not care until you actually start to feel it.

 

Think of consquences.. Do you wanna be 'that guy' who is the bad mouther after a break up? Just because SHE didn't have respect for you, doesn't mean you have to lower yourself to her level.

 

Anyway, the choice is yours.. Take time to think it through, you're upset, emotional and it's not good to just go do something on a whim because you're mad and wanting to react.

 

BUT - If you CHOOSE to do this, you have to own the consquences and face the fallout.

[Not the love ace]

I really, really don't want to repeat what most people have already stated but yes, move on already. You were both friends with benefits and it is what it is. Don't try to expose her, be the bigger person. If she wants to be immature and ignore you, then just move on. She obviously did. Don't waste your time being an option to her bud.

[Jordanjames]

I would like the OP to listen to his words. You say you keep on trying to reach out to this woman but it is clear she has made up her mind. I hope you can see that by "trying" to reach her she is actually pulling away. It doesn't matter whether or not you and this woman have established a romantic relatioonship. The point is you two had sex and that's clearly crossing the boundaries of a "friendship." The minute you and this woman had "sex" was the minute the platonic relationship ended. You and this woman are ex lovers and that's how she sees you.

 

I think the woman realizes that you really don't want to be "just" her friend. You need to be honest with yourself. Can you be happy watching this lady make out with another guy while you are in the room? Can you be happy when she introduces you to her new man? It is ultimately up to you but you do have power you have a choice. I know this will be very hard but you must try to stay away from this woman. You must move on with your life it will be hard but it is the only way. Also, there are a million women in this world besides this one lady there is always someone else out there for you. Think about it that way. You will meet someone else when you give yourself the opportunity to.