Is she playing with him??

[ZeoStar]

First let me say to prepare yourself. I'm not really sure which forum this message belongs in and it's probably going to be a long one, so please bare with me as I explain the situation and hope I have the right forum...

 

My friend is 16 (since March) and the girl he is dating for the second time just turned 16 about 2 or 3 weeks ago. About a month or two ago, he expressed interest in her and she expressed interest in him. They started seeing each other, or "dating" if you want to call it that, and she was his first girlfriend. For about a week, all was fine and he claimed to be in love with her. Two weeks after that, she, her best friend, myself, my friend and his friend all went to an anime convention in Orlando as we all wanted to go. Well, during this time, the girl that my friend was seeing could NOT keep her hands off this one guy that was dressed as another guy (they call it "cosplaying") from a well known video game as well as the other guys at the convention. Obviously, this annoyed my friend and his friend as well. They argued about it for some time and she broke up with him saying that she was apparently not read to have a boyfriend and go steady. For the next two weeks or so, he was very hurt by the break up and his friend told me that he even cried over her a couple times.

 

A few weeks ago, the girl he was dating said to me that she wants to go back out with him. Wait. Let me back up for a moment. During the first time they were seeing each other, many many people that know her came to me saying that she is known to date a guy for a few weeks and then dump him when she is "bored" of him. I don't normally pay attention to that type of talk, but I kept it in mind. Anyway, she said that she would go back out with him if he asked her. His friend and I both agreed that he should not even attempt to see her based on what happened in the few weeks that they were seeing each other (notice the time period here is WEEKS and not MONTHS). He eventually asked her out again and now they are seeing each other again.

 

Here's where things get interesting and makes me worry for him...

 

Since this is his first girlfriend and first exposure to how the whole relationship thing works, he is obviously not versed in a lot of things, but she is. She tried to french kiss him the first time they were seeing each other, but he pulled away not knowing what to do and he told her this. She came to me asking ME to teach him how to french kiss. Wait, it gets better... I refuse to do it as it is HER job to go through this with him. Granted, I am gay, but I refuse to be involved with this in any way, shape, or form. She absolutely refuses to french kiss him until he does it with another guy. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. First question to myself is, "what kind of a female refuses to kiss her boyfriend until he kisses another guy?" The fact that she is publicly stating this really bothers me. He doesn't want to do that either, but he is actually considering it if it means that she will kiss him.

 

In addition to all of this, she toys with him (at least, that's what it seems to me). Some days she's absolutely fine being with him and other days she avoids him, calls him names such as stupid, dumb @$$, etc. He had a lot of hair and had it straightened as his hair is somewhat curly. Everyone else liked it, but she didn't. So he put it back to its normal state just for her. She still refuses to kiss him. He got his hair cut shorter for her and everyone else hates it including him, but she still refuses to kiss him. He wants to visit her at her house and she will not let him. Her excuse? "I'm afraid that he will see my house and break up with me." Let it be known that this kid has publicly expressed how much he "loves" her and she knows that it would virtually take an act of God for him to even THINK about breaking up with her. He wants to spend time with her outside of the arcade where they normally meet and up until recently, she would go places with her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend and not take him with them. Just today he said she finally invited him to go to the beach with her on Wednesday.

 

HOWEVER, this only happened AFTER she found out that my friends and his friends are telling him that something is wrong in this "relationship" and that he needs to talk to her about this. He, in fact, did talk to her and she said that they "will eventually french kiss." May I also add that she flat out refuses to have sex with anyone until she turns 17. At least, that what she says. He says that he wants her and that's all. She claims to me that she won't kiss him because "he's too innocent." Then later, after he finally took our advice to to talk to her, she said that it's not that he's too innocent, that it's just that she's on base 3 and he's on base 1 and he's not quite there yet. I'm not entirely sure what she meant by that, but if I'm thinking it means what I think it means, then base 3, meaning 3rd base, is sexual acts and what not then 1st base is kissing correct?

 

I'm at a stopping point. I don't know what else to tell him because this is not an area I'm at all familiar with. He thinks that we are all overreacting and that everything will be fine in time. Any feedback from you all at all? What can/should I tell him? I'm quite concerned about his behavior toward all of this...

[Reckless]

From what I read your friend is 16 and so is his girlfriend. He is inexperienced and naive, she is inexperienced and cruel. Looks like she will probably break his heart somewhere down the line and get used and probably get her own heart broken even further down that same line. They're young, that's how you learn, there is absolutely nothing you can or should do but be there if/when she dumps him and be a shoulder for him to cry on.

 

As for the kissing (or more), it's her choice. If she wants a more experienced kisser (which I suspect she's already had somewhere - sorry for her if I'm misjudging her..) then she'll eventually move on and find one. Don't worry about you're friend, he won't die of frustration (although he may be walking funny for a while). Seriously, it's hard if the first time you give your heart away it's to someone that through lack of experience or cruelty doesn't treat it with respect, she's heady with the power of being desired for the first time and proving to be a bit of a crazy thing because of it - maybe she'll learn better judgement later maybe not but life is for learning so butt out and leave your friend to learn what qualities he does NOT want in his next girlfriend, he'll survive;

 

Let things take their natural course, since he won't listen to you anyway, don't speak unless spoken to. I'm slightly disturbed about the amount of details you seem to know about this relationship but given your friends age and inexpreriece it seems he's confided in you a lot. That's okay, listen don't judge oh.. and you'r damn right, don't kiss him!

 

R.

 

Ps. You can advise him not to seek sexual experience just to please her crazy whims and to use protection if things do progress with her - that you're allowed to say.

 

Oh and his hair will grow back, we've all done stupid things for love a bad cut is not the worst believe me!

[ZeoStar]

Sounds to me like you're absolutely right. I'll have to sit back and watch this one. He does confide in me a lot and asks me various things. I just wish I had the knowledge/experience to help him out on this, but I can't. But, since he does need to live and learn, this is probably best for him. I'll have to walk the same path some day.

[Jamie31]

This whole story seems kind of silly to me. I mean they are both still so young and at that age, people rarely know what they want out of any relationship. It's crazy to even ammsume that this relationship could last. Kids that age fall in and out of puppy love all the time. I wouldn't worry so much about your friend's relationship. Eventually it will end. I mean it's hardly ever that a couple that young stays together.