k934 Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone. my situation is a bit complicated. Basically I met this girl a while a go now and really liked her a lot. What I didnt know and what she didnt mention until almost 6 months later was that she had a boyfreind. I know i should have figured this out and she isnt the type of girl to cruelly lead someone on. I'd been messaging her now and again and shed rarely reply and on new years eve 2008 i sent her an email asking her if she'd changed her number (really @!#! stupid i know). Her reply was that she had a boyfriend who didnt appreciate the lunch 'date' offers and that she knew it was just as friends but she didnt have time. She then told me not be offended but i was devastated so sent her back a fairly emotional response. i got no reply. I saw her at uni sometimes and for about 6 months shed ignore me. Then one day she happened to walk up to a cafe counter which i was lined up at and she stared at me smiling but i was so spiteful i pretended to not see her (!## stupid again, I know). Its just i was really hurt. I am more than happy to be just friends and know I could be just friends with her without really any jealousy anymore. So a couple of weeks later i saw her in the library and went to say hi but she was fairly cold in how she spoke to me. Over the next semester at uni we spoke briefly passing each other now and again. I didnt want to come on too strong because I wanted to try and be good friends with her. I think now though she might think im a creep and i get the impression her friends make jokes about me. She is still reasonably pleasant to me when we occasionally speak. Is there anything i can do to just be friends with her???? Its just ive been upset about this for a really long time. Edited January 1, 2010 by k934 Link to post Share on other sites
Author k934 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Can anyone help? Link to post Share on other sites
KittenBelongs Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Ok well, hunni this sounds like maybe you should explain to her why you'r emotional about it tell her why you feel the way you feel and appologise even if you fell you dont need to that might help.... and hopefully she will see that your a nice personn hope it helps =] .Kitten. Link to post Share on other sites
Author k934 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 thanks for the reply. it definitely does help. The thing is while we speak occasionally, i havent emailed her or msg'd her for around a year. I dont think shed like me to explain myself to her at her work so i dont know when i could say it to her face. Would it be weird or creepy to msg or email her now after all this time to apologise? Link to post Share on other sites
KittenBelongs Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Yeah i get ya... glad it helped maybe get friends to hang out with you asnd you could asked her to come along as well with some of her friends and do some thing like a group activity or whatever and get her on her own and chat to her maybe ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author k934 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Hi one more thing. She currently has a boyfriend. Do you think it might annoy her if I apologise to her about the past because she has a boyfriend? WIth this in mind, would I be better off messaging or emailing her instead of inviting her and her friends out? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Sorry but I've got a different take: There is NOTHING in your post that suggests she wants to be friends now, or that she had any desire to be friends with you when you met, either. She didn't give you ANY signs of wanting to get to know you in any way, even before your "emotional response". As well, she has a boyfriend and, on top of that, she chose to respect his wishes that she not go for platonic/friendly lunches with guys she doesn't know. As well, rarely replied to your messages even before she got this b/f. (I'd guess that she told you about him once he came into her life...months after you'd first met.) Basically, she's treating you like a fellow-student she doesn't know and in whom she has zero interest, platonic or otherwise. It's been over a year. If she wanted you to become part of her group of friends, she would have found a way to make that happen. Instead, she's been cold and unresponsive. It sucks but it just sounds like a case of "unrequited love" / feelings and desires on your side that are not reciprocated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author k934 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 i should have added that we were friends at the start. Its not easy to communicate everything in posts. We got a long great for a while. And she had been seeing this guy from the start. I just didnt know and thought he was a male best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 It was still a long time ago, though. It doesn't matter that you didn't know the true relationship between her and her b/f. Your important piece of current info is that she hasn't shown ANY RECENT interest in wanting to be friends NOW, not in over a year. Whatever there was or your thought there was between you, is over. That is your CURRENT reality. I have no doubt that it hurts, and I'm sorry for that. Link to post Share on other sites
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