no no no, I'm YOUR harbor

[EarthGirl]

hi..first time I've posted in the friendship section. So if you are extra interested in my question/problem..you can click on my profile and find a post called "best friend and blow jobs" under General relationship (which someone else started but I had a similar situation so I kinda went off on a tangent)...don't want to tell the whole story again, sorry.

 

So anyway the other day I was trying to make peace with her and I sent her an old fashioned dedication on the radio on her fave radio station during her lunch break cause she told me she often listens then...And I also put the same song up on my myspace, dedicated to her...But I did not actually use her name, I hinted on my myspace (in other places like my blog) who it was meant for and although I suggested her being sure to listen to the station on her lunchbreak that day (sent her an email but since she was angry with me I'm not sure she opened it), I heard from another friend who works with her that there was an unexpected meeting and lunch started 45 minutes later than usual.

 

But apparently she DID check my myspace cause then I get an email from her freaking out that I'm trying to get with her guy ...and I was trying to tell her, no , I thought I explained this at all before, I am completely uninterested in him in that way, I'm not even tempted, and even if I was it is not something I would ever do to YOU, to betray you that way.

 

I did not know why she was so upset again all of the sudden when we had appeared to be making progress. Then I heard from a mutual friend that apparently the problem was that she took the hints I left as to mean that the song I dedicated on my myspace that it was meant for her boyfriend and not HER.

 

The song, by the way is called "harbor" by Vienna Teng. It is a really beautiful song of friendship and telling someone you will always be there for them. It is not particularly romantic but I guess if you looked at it a certain way it could be. Anyway, I did pick this particular song for a few reasons...one was that my friend also sings and plays the piano and is quite talented herself and she admires artists like Tori Amos, Fiona Apple, (which I also do..we have very similar taste in music) etc.. I don't know if she has heard of Vienna, probably cause she is much more plugged in and aware of the music scene than me...So and the second reason was because the guy that hit on me that I don't have any feelings for (her boyfriend) use to be a fishermen...well now he is a successful lawyer, left the family business behind. So it was kind of a reference to that..him, being her storm, but really that was just a small part of it ..it was a general reference to if she is ever having a hard time about ANYthing she can come to me. And (if you look at the lyrics) ..ALL I want is to be there for her , I don't nor will I ever have any designs on her boyfriend wether they are together or not.

 

So stupid me, I don't think ahead or how things could be misunderstood..I think it was pretty stupid because now I can see how easily she could have misunderstood that ...it's perfectly understandable...however now I am worried that she is not opening my emails cause she is hurt ..not realizing that if she would open them, there is absolutely nothing threatening to see.

 

Does anybody have any ideas of how to get through to somebody who won't listen as a self defense but not realizing that they have nothing to be defensive or protecting themselves about? I don't want to call her because I think she may hang up, and just hearing that would be hurtful for me and maybe for her too.

 

When I explained earlier that her boyfriend (the part time actor/former fisherman/now lawyer) was just not even a crush for me but a "talent crush" and I've had thousands of them and it was just a natural thing to be a sort of "groupy' for a month or so..but when I actually met him instead of being more and more star struck I was just as the minutes went on more and more unimpressed...but not like I don't admire and respect him (although he has not always treated her the best-which I can very much relate to and I am kind of protective of her-and although I want her to know I don't like him "in that way"..I don't want her to think I hate him either) and like him as a person or artist anymore...It's just that I don't have those you know..."warm fuzzies" for him.

 

So I had previously talked to her about all this..and I posed the question to her isn't there anyone that she as a kid/pre-teen/teen had a little "talent crush" on...and I joked with her that I always had a thing for "cha -chi" on happy days (NOT scott baio himself...just the character cha chi specifically..don't ask) and get this Tigger on winnie the pooh ...I know that's a little weird...a cartoon...that is not usually my kind of thing, lol..but anyway..there's been thousands of them, most of them mean absolutely nothing at all. That made her laugh and she told me a few of hers..and she seemed to understand.

 

But then when she reacted so strongly to the song misunderstanding...I started to wonder if some friend in the past has betrayed her in this way with either this guy or a previous love interest. ..Because it just didn't make sense to me that she would be so worried about this when I explained it all to her. So I am starting to think there is some underlying wound there that may have nothing to do with me ...I don't want to push it and ask her too soon if she is not ready to open up...I just wish she would understand that it is not something she ever has to worry about with ME.

Edited November 23, 2009 by EarthGirl