My boyfriend's girl friend

[girl-next-door]

I have been with my boyfriend for three years this month and since before our our relationship he's and a friend who happens to a girl, who just does not like me not matter what he/ I tell her. When he and I were first becoming close she had just moved out of town to a nearby city so should be closer to her work and she wasn't being as good a friend as she used to be to my boyfriend. It is largely believed that this was due to the fact that she became very involved in her industry and the people she would meet through it. Back when my bf and I were just friends, I remember him telling me how every time he'd talk to her, she'd tell him about some new guy she's seeing or is trying to date. So, of course, he and I both got the impression from her that she "getting around" a bit more than she ought to. Some of the things he relaid to me about her made it seem that she doing a lot more for her clients than she should be doing. She claims to this day that it wasn't that bad but I don't know if I'll ever believe her. Anyway!

She apparently was told by my bf that I didn't like her because of her job title, which was not the truth. I didn't like how she was all about her job and not about being a decent friend anymore, i.e., she never calls save for once in a blue moon when she needs something, she never has time to spend with my bf and when she does make plans with him, she forgets, breaks them or makes up a lame excuse for why she can't stay long.

ALSO, when asked why she doesn't make more of an effort to not be so negligent toward him, she uses me as an excuse, saying that I'm clingy, crazy or a control freak. (Because one time, my boyfriend vented to her about some mental health issues I was having at the time, that are no longer such a problem.) I have never said that I don't want him spending time with her, only that I don't trust her....not to under mind me or try something reprehensible with him. On several occasions, she has asked him to spend the night with her either at her place or in another state. If they're just platonic friends, why do they need a sleep over? And when she has done this, she did not even ask how I would feel or say my damn name, as if he doesn't have a girlfriend. In another instance, she was talking about breaking up with her current boyfriend and asked mine if he would live with her, when he was already living with me. It's as if he has to remind her that I ****ing exist.

To top the whole lovely little cake off, any time my bf/ or I try to talk to her about me about the misconceptions she has about me, she just does not listen. It's like she's got a hole in her hand. New information just does not stick. She continues to believe that I don't like her for her job, even though I do the same thing, and that I'm some psycho, which is a complete over-exaggeration. No one ever called her crazy when she was having a depressive episode. In the most recent email correspondence between her and my bf she said, "I don't even think I want to like your girlfriend."..."I respect your decision to date her but I would hate to see your tied down by her for the rest of your life." I have tried to reason with her and offer her every opportunity to see that I am not what she thinks I am and vice versa but this girl will not give me an inch. I am so stressed and distraught over this. I have given all I could and still receive nothing but hurt and rejection from someone who doesn't even know me for me. Someone who doesn't even make a half-assed attempt to.

What am I and my boyfriend to do?

[freestyle]

Does your bf understand how much this is hurting you? It sounds to me like he needs to re-evaluate his friendship with her.

 

I can`t speak for everyone, but personally, if one of my friends was disrespectful to my bf, I would view that as an insult to me, as well.

 

I`m concerned that he discusses you with her when you`re not present, as it`s not fair to you. I would ask him to stop, because essentially he`s

giving her ammunition to use against you.

 

She has trespassed on a lot of boundaries by inviting him to spend the night, I hope he has not accepted these invitations.As long as he`s prioritizing you, and standing up for you,(which it sounds like he has), I don`t think you have to worry about him being unfaithful.

[girl-next-door]

No, he hasn't met any of her requests to spend the night. A year before we were dating he did and nothing sexual happened but it is still inappropriate to sleep another woman's house when you're in a relationship.

I'm not worried about my bf being faithful as much as I am worried about how I am ever going to get along with his friend if she keeps disrespecting me like she has.

[greengoddess]

You have been dating him for three years now. If he really cared about you he would put you before the friend. She is toxic. She is not a friend. Tell him her or you. If he chooses her then it was time for you to move on anyway.

[girl-next-door]

He's starting to see that she's not a good friend and she's not good for this relationship unless she makes a change. We're both on the same page that this situation will no longer be tolerated as it is.

[freestyle]

It`s good that you guys are on the same page about this. I`ve been in an nearly identical situation, and it`s not comfortable at all.

 

I think I`m going to create a new acronym here:

 

JFS= Jealous Friend Syndrome

 

That`s what seems to be at the heart of the matter here.It`s fairly common. Jealous friends will often sabotage, or subtly undermine their friend`s R, simply becuase they`re feeling usurped.

[girl-next-door]

Okay, so my boyfriend has written to her that I am not what she thinks I am and that I would like to know the real her. He also told her that if she didn't get her act straight and treat us both better, that their friendship will be over. High-five for him! Fortunately, she wrote back in a timely fashion and, although still doubtful, seems to be beginning to think in an optimistic direction. If they do spend time together soon, I'm not about to jump in the middle but simply ask that my boyfriend not speak negatively about me behind my back anymore because that is part of the reason we all had problems in the first place.

[2sure]

She is optional, as she should be. She treats him like crap and undermines your relationship. Why is she a part of his life?

[girl-next-door]

That's I've been saying for the past two years. Lol.

I don't know. He says that things are looking up now but I still haven't received an email from her that has anything constructive to say. I'm hesitant to believe as confidently as he does that she's going to make a turn around, but we'll see.