When did everyone become a flake?

[Exit]

I seriously have zero real, true friends. Every single person I know is a flake. Nobody keeps plans, or hardly try to make plans in the first place. Nobody calls when they say they're going to. It's a constant cycle of "yeah keep in touch", "we'll figure something out", etc etc etc.

 

And a couple weeks back I tried to start over with a clean slate for everyone. I know by holding grudges and not calling people who I'm mad at, I only perpetuate the situation. So I showed up at one of my friend's performances, even though it bothered me that they only time I ever hear from him is when he wants me to see one of his shows. But I went, tried to re-establish contact, but of course after that night I didn't see him until the NEXT show they played, where I was enough of a sucker to show up again. After going to two shows, and trying to pull him aside and say I wanted to hang out more, I feel like giving up again.

 

I helped my friend move out of her apartment. Borrowed a relatives car large enough to move matresses and everything. I felt really good helping her. I told her not to worry about paying me back, but she kept insisting, I said we'd talk about it the next day when we were supposed to hang out. Didn't hear from her until late that night when she said she was sore from moving, and that we'd reschedule for the next day. Didn't hear from her then either.

 

WTF?

 

I hate getting fed up to the point that I just want to isolate myself, that clearly won't help the situation, but I'm not gunna be a doormat for these people either.

 

And I don't know where to meet friends. I don't go to bars, I'm not currently going to school, thinking about going back but it seems so much cheaper to take classes online so I wouldn't meet new people anyway.

 

Do people just not want to be my friend? Is it me? Or is this a symptom of our Myspace/Facebook society where you can manage to keep in touch with hundreds of people, yet not treat any of them especially good?

 

I've always wanted one or two really close friends instead of 300 people that I talk to through my computer.

 

[kizik]

Hi there,

 

I feel exactly the same way, even when it comes to LoveShack. I have posted a bunch of responses today and am already feeling like, "Shoot, I am annoying and no one wants to hear what I have to say."

 

Anyway - I understand that that is not what you are talking about. You're talking about flaky friends in real life.

 

All I can tell you is what I see. I've read your posts and I see an articulate, passionate, sensitive, social human being. You want to be around friends and have fun. But it sounds like you feel as if you're putting forth all the effort in these friendships.

 

The truth of it? You probably are. I do not think the problem is you, per se. You are giving and generous with your friends. When they do not reciprocate, this understandably upsets you. Your friends are not necessarily bad/lazy/inconsiderate people, but what happens when we're lonely (and I know you are) is that we tend to exaggerate people's actions and take them personally.

 

All of this is to say that I think you need to relax a bit, and more importantly, be less giving. Sounds weird, right? A little selfishness will do you good.

 

Make yourself scarce. Be less available to people. You'll be surprised at how curious they get about you. "Where's Exit?"

 

Fight your urges to call people and hang out. Do the opposite. Next time you feel that desire to call and socialize - read a book.

 

I hope this helps.