Confusion. Need guidance.

[Ajones92]

Hey,

 

I just thought I'd give this a whirl.

 

I am a college freshman, and I met a girl here during the first week of the semester in August. She's very sweet, driven, and she's definitely not bad on the eyes either. We would hang out occasionally to have meals or do other things together. I didn't start to see her as more than a friend until December. I kept in touch with her during out winter break, talking to her every night online about random stuff, and I felt good talking to her. When we returned for the next semester, we continued to talk and hang out and all that.

 

This seems like an ideal scenario, but the main issue that always plagued me was that I was not the only guy that would get this treatment; she has at least a half-dozen other guy friends that she would hang out with solo, usually for longer periods than she would with me, and even more guy friends in group settings. Sometimes I would feel discouraged, because while sometimes I could have a good conversation with her, other times she would do nothing to carry on a conversation. I convinced myself that whenever she did this, she was busy, but it left me uneasy sometimes.

 

Toward the end of Feburary, I made the decision to meet with her and tell her that I had a thing for her. However, I needed time to prepare myself spiritually, so on that Monday I told her I needed to talk to her on Thursday night, she agreed. I was talking to her on Tuesday, and she told me that she was dreading a conversation with another guy. I asked why, she said that one guy wanted a relationship with her, and she was really stressed out trying to figure out what to say to her. It was also a busy week for her, so I decided against telling her what was in my heart; I knew it wasn't the right time. I told her that the thing I needed to talk to her on Thursday resolved itself, and I thought about trying to show her how I feel for her rather than just bluntly telling her, so I thought it would work out for me.

 

Spring break came along, and I didn't talk to her much (I think she was busy and I was sick, so neither of us did much). We came back to school. However, things started to feel different. Whenever I tried to talk to her, she would never even try to continue the conversation anymore. Whenever I asked her to hang out or if she was available to do anything, she'd always say that she had other plans/was busy with school, and she'd get back to me. She would never get back to me. I felt like she was actively trying to avoid me for some reason, because I know that she had been hanging out with her friends and she would always make time for them when they asked her to do something. However, when I asked, she was always busy. I didn't understand why. This lasted a couple weeks, and I got frustrated so I just stopped trying. I decided it wasn't worth it to try fighting a lost cause.

 

This past weekend, she went to the beach. When she got back, I learned that she had started dating someone. My heart sank. I already had a really bad weekend, and then I learned about this. I put up a semi-upset status over facebook. For the first time all month, she started talking to me, and asked me if everything was alright. Alas, obviously everything wasn't alright, but I couldn't tell her why. It wasn't the time. She told me that if I ever needed to talk, she'd be there for me anytime since I was always there for her (we had had some deeper conversations in the past, just not recently) It's been almost a week, and it's still hurting me. Despite the fact that I feel like she was trying to avoid me for whatever reason, whenever I think about her I still see the good in her, and I feel that she's the kind of girl that would really be right for me. However, I've waited too long now. She's dating someone now, and I feel like I can't do anything but suffer.

 

As far as I know, she has no idea that I like her. She told me that I could talk to her if I needed to, and I feel like the only way I can set myself free is to tell her what's going on with me. However, at the same time, I don't feel like this is an option (it wouldn't be fair to her to stress her out like this, especially when she's happy with someone else). I've tried talking to my other friends about this, and they've fallen short in being able to guide me. Thus, I turn to you guys. What do I have to do to help me get past this jealousy?