Should i speak up?

[Mandapanda]

This is going to be a confusing one, so try to bear with me.

 

My best friend (for almost ten years) has been talking to this guy over the Internet for FIVE years. And I am a firm believer in LD relationships that is how me and my husband met.

 

However, this one is different. They started talking five years ago in which she gave me his MSN name to talk to him also. So I could give her my thoughts on him. His story was at the time he was 17 and he was graduating early to get to college where he was going to become a dentist.

 

He had no picture of him at the time. After about 6 months he did put up a picture in the icon next to your chat name on MSN (i hope everybody understood that)

 

Sooo, anyways. I am not stupid, nor blind and I could tell by taking one look at that picture (which he also sent us a big version of) that it had took professoinally. And it was also clear that he was on an airplane. When I brought this up to him he insisted that it was not professional and instead he was in his friends trailor. I fought with him about this for 2 weeks and then finally gave up.

 

Two years later after still only having that one picture he decides to send courtney another picture. And then tells her that he lied, that was took by a professional and he was in an airplane telling her that he is indeed a model. So he sends her more model pictures.

 

Then after three years of her begging him for his phone number he tells her that his friend has lended him his phone so he will be able to text her. So courtney ends up racking her bill to 600+ every month because he lives in Canada (which is a VERY importain fact that I left out, sorry)

 

So for a whole year they texted, and she would say 'why don't you call me?' or 'i'll call you' but this was his 'friends' phone. I don't know about you people... but i would not lend my phone to a friend for over a week, let alone a year.

 

This whole time I have never believed he is who he says he is. So we got drunk one night, and I stole her phone and called him. Of course, no awnser. So then I called him from my number. No awnser. At this point, courtney was drunk enough to really be intersted in why he's not awnsering. So then I call him blocked (ALOT like 30 times) and some Mexican Woman awnsers. You could tell she was mexican, from her voice and accent.

 

So about ten minutes later Brad (idk if i've said his name before, but that is his name) texts courtney saying 'hey sorry i wasn't texting you back, i was helping my cousin study. apparently someone kept calling and my aunt awnsered' He is suppose to be italian, not mexican.

 

Over the past three years he has sent her tons of pictures in which, all of them are professionally tooken except for a handfull of them. And those, where sent from his cell to her cell. And yet, you can clearly tell that they where taken on a computer (you can see the glare, and the 'mouse arrow' in some of them)

 

And also thorugh out this whole time he has not seen a picture of courtney. She's a pretty girl... well, she's decent. She's got a nice body... not so much for the face though. But, it's not HORRIBLE. He claims he cannot seen pictures on his computer due to a program he downloaded for his homework.

 

BUT one night I had a body shot of me up as my msn icon, and he liked it.. (i mean, of course he is perfect or so it seems, so he would never hit on me but he did say i had killer abs) but i thought he couldn't see pictures? because when courtney puts hers up, he swears he can't see them.

 

Ugh, this is just all to much for me. And I have tried to be a good friend, really I have. but after the first three years i started telling her 'ya know... maybe it's not as perfect as you think' and other things, hinting to the fact that he's not who he says he is. And she gets mad at me!!!

 

She stopped talking to me for a whole week over one of those conversations so i just sit and listen, I never say anything back.

 

Also apparently last summer he was modeling in Greek and said maybe he could stop by Chicago to see her did he? No. instead he bailed out saying his MOTHER told him not to. his mother, who apparently lets him go to Greek with four of his guy friends, was not going to let him stop to see the sears tower, at 21 she says no.

 

I'm at a breaking point. I don't know what to do. Every one of her friends INCLUDING her mother are on board with this guy. Telling her he's real, and that she has found the perfect guy. She's even thinking about going to see him this summer and I'm worried. And I don't want to tell her he's not real because I don't want to risk our friendship again. I've almost lost her several times due to hiim.

 

Also another thing that i can't seem to understand is apparently these last five years he hasn't so much as kissed a girl. however, one of the non professional pictures he sent to her he had a hicky on his neck, so she asked him and he said

"Oh, I got drunk and passed out at a party and woke up with it there"

 

They tell eachother they love eachother, every day all day.

 

Maybe I just don't want to believe it. But, if he's not who he says he is she's missing out on her life. She hasn't kissed a boy in two years (they stopped talking two years back, so she went out with a guy) I mean she is pretty enough to date TONS of guys here, and she doesn't.

 

Am I wrong? Should I say something to her?

[Mandapanda]

he does still have his 'friends' phone. For almost three years he has had his 'friends' phone. Sorry, I just don't believe that.

[Athena]

Also apparently last summer he was modeling in Greek and said maybe he could stop by Chicago to see her did he? No. instead he bailed out saying his MOTHER told him not to. his mother, who apparently lets him go to Greek with four of his guy friends, was not going to let him stop to see the sears tower, at 21 she says no.

 

Should I say something to her?

 

Firstly, what do you mean he was modeling in Greek? (a language...) or do you mean Greece?

 

Ok, lets have a look-see... I do see some Red Flags with his lying... those lies you picked up on about the photo not being professional, only to admit 2 yrs later that it was, the friend's cell phone for 3 yrs (unless he has since taken the # over?), not seeing her MSN profile but can see Yours, the hickey during a time period where he doesn't apparently see other girls, and maybe even a lie as to his ethnicity (he claims he is Italian, but may be Mexican -- even though its possible he is Italian and he does have a Mexican Aunt married to his Italian Uncle....).

So, yes, he has lied. Not commendable, not clever, not so good. However he was a 17 yr old boy when this all started, and the 'relationship' developed sort of 'anonymously' via the Internet the two of them living a country apart... so perhaps he fudged the truth a little in order to 'look better' than he thought he looked in her eyes, or whatever. Anyway, most of those lies are 'forgivable'... don't know so much about the hickey one though!!! Seems like he is misleading your friend there about being 'faithful' to each other...

 

Okay, tell me -- You say you are concerned about Who He Really Is? Well, WHO do YOU think he really is?

And -- what would the 'worst case scenario' be? That he is a 400 lbs man in jail for murder? That he is getting these photos of a guy model and over the years passing them off as him?

 

So -- after five long years she is finally going to meet up with him! Where? How will she keep herself 'safe' when she meets him? Hope she is not going somewhere in Canada on her own? She could send him the airticket and he can come visit her in the summer, right? Or her dear Mother can go with her to meet him in Canada... for safety's sake. And, btw, for the exact same reasons I DO see his own mother objecting to his going to Chicago to meet some supposed 'girl' he 'met' over the Internet... moms are cautious...

 

Another minor point... you are married, so you are completely unavailable to him even though you say: <<BUT one night I had a body shot of me up as my msn icon, and he liked it.. (i mean, of course he is perfect or so it seems, so he would never hit on me>> hmmm, is there a little bit of jealousy on your part? That YOU are the more attractive one, but this perfect male model is interested in your friend, despite you knowing him for the past five years as well?

If so, its silly... you are married and you care if some good looking guy is more interested in your not-as-pretty-as-you friend?! Petty.

 

How old is your friend? Was she also 17 at the time this guy was supposedly 17?

[Mandapanda]

Yes, I meant greece lol.

 

Well, we thought of that but it is his blood aunt.

 

My biggest thing, is he isn't even who he says he is (isn't even his age) i'm worried that he's an older man, whose toying with her head.

 

As far as jealousy, no what i meant by that is i said 'he liked it' I wanted to clear up that he did not hit on me. his family, from what he has told us is RICH i mean, rich rich. She should not have to buy him a ticket. And that's another thing, she wants to go by herself i've told her to atleast bring a friend for safty reasons. i just..

 

Over the past five years he hasn't even let her talk to him on the phone? that is a little weird, and yet... he's in love with her?

[Mandapanda]

She was 16.

 

And he wants her to meet him, he won't come here. He wants her to come there... alone. Which is what worries me.

 

And another thing, my husband is just as good looking if not better looking than him. And he's a real person, so the thought of me being jealous... is really funny. He wanted me before he wanted her to be completely honest. But I was seeing someone at the time, and wasn't going to give up the real thing for someone who was in canada (thank god I didn't go for him, I would be in her shoes) although I am a lot smarter than her, and would have seen through him a long time ago.

 

I have no idea who he might be, but I'm almost sure he's not who he says he is. Oh, and another thing i forgot to mention he wanted her to wait another six years(a total of eleven) before they could be together, because she was talking about him comming to chicago since they have one of the best dentistery schools, also it is alot easier for him to come to the US than for her to go to Canada.

 

I'm just worried because I know for a fact like i said, he's not who he says he is. And she is going to get hurt, weather it be due to the fact that they meet in canada, and he is someone that could be a threat to her OR she finds out he's lying which will emotionally hurt her... some way or another she's going to get hurt. And she will not even beleive me she thinks that he is this wonderful guy that she's going to spend the rest of her life with...

[Athena]

Okay, I hear your concerns.

 

Has your friend ever seen the series on NBC called "To Catch a Predator"?!!! Is her mother crazy for letting her beloved daughter go somewhere to meet some stranger?

 

All this waiting for years and years, and all the while professing his love,... something is off.

 

Something is not right. A young man would be dying to meet a young lady and hold her body next to his, much more so a young man emotionally in love with her too... its crazy... are you the ONLY one to have these doubts?! If so, why?

[Not the love ace]

Usually I am sure most people would tell you to mind your business and let your friend see for herself and then give advice when asked for it.

 

However its a good thing your showing concern because this just seems really creepy and way off on his part. I'm not a paranoid person by any means but there creepy people out there who do and would prey on young naive girls, it has happened way too many times and its good you are showing concern.

 

If she or her family aren't showing any concern, I think the only thing you can do is lay-off it and let them make their own mistake. Or if you really feel like something is wrong (and if she's a minor) then you can try and get the authorities involved I guess.

[sarah63]

It does sound suspicious everything about this guy. I think that the only way she will get over him is going there and finding out who he really is but she should definitely not go there alone for her own safety and also, if something happens she will need a friend.

[Mandapanda]

Okay, I hear your concerns.

 

Has your friend ever seen the series on NBC called "To Catch a Predator"?!!! Is her mother crazy for letting her beloved daughter go somewhere to meet some stranger?

 

All this waiting for years and years, and all the while professing his love,... something is off.

 

Something is not right. A young man would be dying to meet a young lady and hold her body next to his, much more so a young man emotionally in love with her too... its crazy... are you the ONLY one to have these doubts?! If so, why?

 

 

i have seen that show, and i actually thought about him when I was watching it, it is extremely creepy!!!

 

And i have actually argued with her mother over this, telling her that she should be more concerned. And yes, unfortunately I am the only one doubting this, which is why she gets mad at me because she thinks i'm not 'on her side' or 'not a good friend'.

 

I have no idea why her friends would go along with this, and encourage her. All of them have face to face relationships and the one that does have a LD relationship they see each other all the time.

 

If some things where different, I myself would not be so paranoid like...

 

If they ever talked on the phone

If he would take a picture (as lame as this sounds) and have proof, like a 'sign' that says something, proving that it is him.

 

And another thing, she gave him her addy (very stupid) he told her he was going to send her a V-day gift, (which he didn't...) when she asked him for his, so she could send him something he would NOT give it to her.

 

So now he has her addy... which makes me even more nervous than before. It's getting more 'serious' I guess is what I'm trying to say

[Mandapanda]

Or if you really feel like something is wrong (and if she's a minor) then you can try and get the authorities involved I guess.

 

 

If she was a minor, than she would have some kind of 'excuse' for being so naive but... she's a 22 year old woman. She's been doing 'msn' and 'texting' this guy for almost six years. She hasn't had a boyfriend in over a year

(they broke off their 'LD' thing for a while, so she dated some guy)

 

She's losing her 'fun years' just sitting around waiting on a text, or him to get on MSN

[mental_traveller]

She won't listen to you, whatever you say. She's dumb. Let her find out the hard way, then say "I told you so!", that's all you can do really.

[Starring_Emma]

what is an LD relationship?

[Mandapanda]

what is an LD relationship?

 

Long Distance

[Athena]

I have no idea why her friends would go along with this, and encourage her.

 

Because they are dumb...

 

what excuse does SHE give to you for why he doesn't give his address out in return??

[Mandapanda]

Because they are dumb...

 

what excuse does SHE give to you for why he doesn't give his address out in return??

 

that he didnt want her to get him anything

personally...

 

if im gonna give someone my addy, im gonna want theirs....