zilverenvlinder Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 So, my relationship of 2 years has just ended. But this isn't what this post is about. My ex's best friend, let's call him J, has been dating my friend for the last 2 years also, let's call her Y. I consider J to be a loser and I can't stand him. So, Y and I had a huge falling out about eight months ago. We haven't spoken since, and I am still livid at her and deem her to be a backstabber. However, we were friends for a very, very long time... about 9 years. So, my relationship HAS just ended within the last 48 hours, and feeling pretty lonely, I have been browsing the Yahoo Personals and match. And WHO!! should I stumble on, but J!!! "Active in the last 3 days". Now, I can't tell when he set up this account, because I don't know how to figure that out (if someone could tell me that would be helpful) but I can tell you what, I've done the same identical search on Yahoo Personals before and I've never!! seen his profile until now. And I think I would have noticed it because I know him. So, what should I do??? This is huge. I haven't talked to Y in sooo long and I really honestly don't want anyone to know I've been searching the Personals (it's embarrassing after being broken up for such a short period of time). Should I call her and tell her? Should I email her a link from an anonymous email address or would that be too obvious? I feel she deserves to know, no matter how much wrong she has done to me. Thank you !! love z Link to post Share on other sites
Author zilverenvlinder Posted December 14, 2008 Author Share Posted December 14, 2008 Ok, so I know the profile is not new because it says his age is 26 and he is now 29, but still..."active in the last 3 days"? Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandria2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 There is a chance that him being on there was pretty harmless and he was just curious, although it does seem slightly suspicious. If you're that concerned about your friend I think it would be best to just bite the bullet and tell her, despite the fact that you haven't talked in a while. Make sure you let her know you're genuinely worried about what her boyfriend might be up to behind her back. If you send an anonymous email the chances are she may just think it's someone playing a prank Link to post Share on other sites
lovingalways Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Ok. This might sound crazy, but I would go up to J and harmlessly say something like "So, I was browsing the net and looking at some Personals on Yahoo because my friend wanted me to check out this hot guy and guess what? I bumped into your profile on it" and then watch for his reaction. If his pupils dilate and he starts getting all defensive about it, there is DEFINITIVELY something to be worried about. BUT if he doesn't freak out and he acts calm and says something like "I was just curious... you know, haven't been on it for a while" then just leave it at that. I would never create a problem in a relationship unless I was 100% sure that something is NOT right. And the only way to find that out is to confront the person you're suspicious about. At least that's what I would do (and have done in the past). Link to post Share on other sites
lovingalways Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Also, don't forget that if you create a problem for them and let's say it wasn't really a problem, she might get really mad and then if you ever want to rekindle your relationship with her, it probably won't work (because "you tried to ruin my relationship"). Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 She won't thank you, especially if you've fallen out. Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 If you two aren't talking I don't see how you telling her would sound genuine. I don't think its any of your business and you should keep your mouth closed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Here is my 2 cents . You have not talked to her in awhile. Is it possible they are broken up ? I would NOT tell him that you know he has a profile. Should this prove to be beneficial to you and you need to monitor his profile activity ( because down the road she asks you to ) then if you shoot the beans and tell him you see him on there, all he has to do is put private mode. and it wont show his activity because he can make himself invisible. Now if you dont care at all about this girl then none of what you saw matters.... If you DO care about her genuinely then you have to take the risk of telling her and what it might mean. Link to post Share on other sites
steveraves Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 NO. You shouldn't tell her. You're not friends with her anymore. You said you're still livid with her and view her as a backstabber. At this point their relationship is none of your business. To me it comes across as gossip and that you're looking to interfere in their relationship. If he really is cheating eventually she'll find out on her own. For whatever reason you're not friends anymore and you need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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