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My friend


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 5th March 2002, 2:44 PM   #1
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My friend

I have this friend that I've known since we were about 4 or 5 years old (we are both 20 now). Not my best friend, but my oldest for sure. His whole life he's made some silly decisions regarding girls (not that I'm an expert in that field or anything). When he meets a new girl, she becomes his life. Anyways though, last summer, he met this girl that I work with. He spent all his time with her, forgetting about the rest of us, his other friends. I have talked to the aformentioned girl about it, and she is not romantically, or sexually attracted to him at all. Anyways, he would stay at her house until 4 in the morning, sometimes later, even if he had to work at 7 AM the next day. She is a few years older than us, and she also lived with her parents. Needless to say, his parents became quite concerned (they thought he was having sex with this girl - - - they have never even so much as made out). So fall time rolls around, and we're back in school (we both attended the local college). I had him in one of my classes last semester. He began skipping class left and right just to be with her. On the weekends, he would be driving her home from the bar (she drinks quite a bit). Anyways, he ended up failing every single class last semester (he never told me this, I found out from his mother). His parents had had enough. They decided to kick him out. So he and this girl, they got an apartment together. Now because of this, he can't even afford to go to college anymore. Has she ever given a care about any of this? If she really cared about him, she wouldn't have let him mess himself up like this.

My friends and I have given up on our friend, we feel that he has gone beyond the point of no return. Why is he spending so much time and money and basically ruining his life over a girl whom he can never have?
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Old 5th March 2002, 3:39 PM   #2
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Re: My friend

YOU ASK: "Why is he spending so much time and money and basically ruining his life over a girl whom he can never have?"

She's a challenge. He's very sick and needy. He has very serious emotional problems that need to be dealt with on an emergency basis.

Whenever a person's pathology has this great an impact on his life (failing all classes, getting kicked out of the house...all for a girl who doesn't care), there is present a set of critical psychological problems that must be dealt with.

There are a lot of these sick people who never get any help and get to a point where they eventually have to live on freight cars, in parks, at the Salvation Army, under bridges near soup kitchens, etc. It's a very sad thing to see a human destroy his life but there's nothing whatsoever you can do about it.

If you think he's nuts now, wait until this gal gives him the boot...which she will when he is no longer able to let her live rent free...or when he gets evicted from where they live.
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Old 5th March 2002, 6:28 PM   #3
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Re: My friend

He doesnt care about himself. You cant change that in a person. I know this from expierence. You have to leave him be, and pray for him to grow up.

How this girl has such control over him with out an imtimate r/s is beyond me. That makes no sense, that he would risk his college education, personal/family life over an older drunk women that he cant even kiss!

Somethings missing from this!

But to answer your question on how to help:

You can try and talk him into seeing what you see and have him agree.

Or you can leave him alone, becuase hes going to what he wants to do.
Quote:
I have this friend that I've known since we were about 4 or 5 years old (we are both 20 now). Not my best friend, but my oldest for sure. His whole life he's made some silly decisions regarding girls (not that I'm an expert in that field or anything). When he meets a new girl, she becomes his life. Anyways though, last summer, he met this girl that I work with. He spent all his time with her, forgetting about the rest of us, his other friends. I have talked to the aformentioned girl about it, and she is not romantically, or sexually attracted to him at all. Anyways, he would stay at her house until 4 in the morning, sometimes later, even if he had to work at 7 AM the next day. She is a few years older than us, and she also lived with her parents. Needless to say, his parents became quite concerned (they thought he was having sex with this girl - - - they have never even so much as made out). So fall time rolls around, and we're back in school (we both attended the local college). I had him in one of my classes last semester. He began skipping class left and right just to be with her. On the weekends, he would be driving her home from the bar (she drinks quite a bit). Anyways, he ended up failing every single class last semester (he never told me this, I found out from his mother). His parents had had enough. They decided to kick him out. So he and this girl, they got an apartment together. Now because of this, he can't even afford to go to college anymore. Has she ever given a care about any of this? If she really cared about him, she wouldn't have let him mess himself up like this. My friends and I have given up on our friend, we feel that he has gone beyond the point of no return. Why is he spending so much time and money and basically ruining his life over a girl whom he can never have?
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