lonelysoulja Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 I think I just experienced it. A few months ago, I started dating a really sweet girl, or so it seemed. It was just casual dating and eventually it got to the point where she openly asked me, if I wanted more or what? Like a punk, I said yes (even though on the inside, I knew she wasn't the "one" for me, barely found her attractive, and that I could only see her as a friend.) But then, less than a hour into the date she changed her mind and said "you know what let's just be friends, are you okay with that?" and at the same time, reaches out and grabs me by the arm......and we walk in a embrace, it was crazy. after that i said, ok i'll try to be a really good friend to you. later she texts me, "you're the kindest, hottest guy i've met". Now, a confident, self-assured man would have said no to this offer of friendship, but since I am very lonely and crave friendship, I said yes under one condition, that I couldn't be a casual friend. I wanted a real friendship, a friendship where we did things together, hung out a lot, etc. Anyways, to make a long story short .... It started out cool, we hung out as friends, but eventually I think I became too "needy" of a friend. She happened to live downtown and I was interested in moving down there, and one day completely by accident I ran into her...she happened to be living in the building across from the one I was checking out And she invited me to her place, and we just hung out. It was a lot of fun. The next day she writes on my fb wall: "I had a lot fun blah blah. Move Downtown" So anyway, my hunt for downtown accomadation continues, so every now and then when I was in town looking for an apartment, I let her know with hopes that we could hang out...and maybe I called her once a week or less... Then finally I rented a place downtown, about a block from where she lives, just for a week though, to try out, to see how my commute would be from there (I work in the burbs, and I am very, very careful person!). I really wanted to hang out with her then, but she didn't have any time... Oh well, I tried to take that in stride but of course, my feelings got hurt a bit...I called her twice during the week, but never saw her, and that was that I thought...no big deal! Anyway, this week rolls around....and she has her birthday party that she invited me to more than a month ago. at first, i said i was a maybe because i was supposed to go away for work, but my scheduled changed....and i was now available... so guess what happens? She calls me up the night before , and is like I'm not comfortable with our friendship. She asked me if I had "feelings" for her and I said yes, as in just a crush...but that I respected that we couldn't be more than that. Honestly, all I wanted was friendship. Says I was becoming obsessive and ends the conversation with "Please don't come to my birthday party. I'm sorry" My heart sank to my stomach. This was just after I bought her a really nice bday present. So I'm feeling like a total dumbass. The weird thing about this whole disaster is, that I really didn't want anything more than a really good friendship. That's what I crave! The girls that I really like or am dating, I never pay that much attention...but if I make a cool friend, I want to hang out with them all of the time... Now I'm just sad and @#%$ off at myself for being such a doorknob. Oh well, another lesson learned for the social retard. Live and learn: don't friend those that you date, especially the flaky ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Konfuzion Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Ummm really it sounds like she has serious issues, I don't think you sounded needy at all to me. However it does sound like you need to learn to love yourself more and be ok with being alone with you, you cant love others until you love yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Flowerpower7 Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Now, a confident, self-assured man would have said no to this offer of friendship Could you explain to me why a confident, self-assured guy couldn't be friends with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelysoulja Posted September 28, 2008 Author Share Posted September 28, 2008 Um, that's not what I said or meant. I said "a confident, self-assured man would have said no to this offer of friendship" Meaning if I was more confident, self-assured and less the type of guy who likes to please everyone and be mr. nice guy all of the time, I would have said no and kept it moving... She was playing games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelysoulja Posted October 4, 2008 Author Share Posted October 4, 2008 Or maybe she wasn't...I can't figure this out, and just want things reconciled...is there any hope? especially after writing a goodbye email that includes: you knew the moment you initiated the friendship with me that i had a crush on you, since i told you as much. those feelings just don't go away in a heartbeat, but it was NEVER my intention to go further than friendship with you AFTER you did that whole let's be together, no let's just be friends thing in less than an hour. .... It really sucks to know that i made you feel uncomfortable. in retrospect, i can understand why and i've learned my lesson from that..i am sorry for being a doofus and too needy of a friend. that's on me, i have a lot more growing to do. that said, i respect your decision to not be friends with me anymore, and i sincerely wish you all of the best in life. you won't hear from me again. goodbye ... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 Your right in that if you want more than she was willing to offer then you need to say thanks but you are looking for more than a just friends relationship. Never be afraid of what you want. It will mean rejection but in the end you will end up with someone who wants the same things and that is a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Share Posted October 6, 2008 support was positively correlated with prosocial behavior, Take the initiative, overcome the fear of rejection, your friendship could develop into something more. You will never know until you ask. Friendshipfriendship conflict was positively correlated with overt aggression and peer rejection. _________________________________________________________________ Capture One Auto Transport Link to post Share on other sites
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