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Friend pissed me off


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

 
 
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Old 18th February 2002, 8:39 PM   #16
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Re: Dang it Joe, didnt you read my post

It's been a couple of days, go ahead and call her. She's had time to think about her hang up. Don't expect any apologies,consider the last couple of days to be that the heat of the moment has settled for her. Now she should be able to talk calmly.

Seven years is a long time to be a part of each others lives. Cherish what you have with her. Let her know that you want her to be happy even if you dont approve of her choice with this other guy.

You cant come btw them and you have no more advice to give to her about her r/s. If she asks. Dont comment. The only thing you can do is be her best friend.

If you cannot handle being a friend anymore, due to her r/s than take a nice long break from her. And when the air has cleared for you, you can reflect on the now and come up with your own decision.
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I did read your post and with all due respect Velvet, I'm not about to call her up a few days later apologzing for crossing the line or offending her. I'm not saying that out of anger. What am I to apologize for. "I'm sorry for being a friend and caring about you not wanting you to make the mistake over again by going back to him and getting hurt again". Seriously, that could be the only apology I could give her. What if the few days to let her stew over it is to late for me to at least attempt to save her from getting back with the same guy who's hurt her over and over? I am in a situation where I don't know what to do, not attempting to talk to her and letting it go for a few days to me seems to be the wrong thing to do for the fact you're allowing her ample time to get back with that guy which will then only piss her off more when we do finally talk because then i wouldn't be talking about an ex of her, but her active boyfriend again. Seriously, I appreciate your advice and perhaps it's the advice I'm not looking for. And trust me, it's not going in one ear out the other, I've taken what you said into consideration before a bunch of "what if's" came into my mind. The last thing I need to do with her is to come out looking like an a**hole or do something that'll only piss her off. I guess that's the real reason I am posting. Yes, I am indeed upset and hurt, and even scared of losing her as a friend.

I love her so much as a friend, I care so much. Here's my thing, she already said to me that I don't care about her and have no faith in her. What if she takes me not calling to talk to her the wrong way and thinks it's just because I don't care? What if she thinks I didn't attempt to work things about because I have no faith in her? I hate those what if's and I feel by not calling you can send out the wrong messages. I remember a saying that was told to me... "Never go to sleep with an unsettled argument with someone because who's to say you or that person will wake in the morning to finish it?". Why should this be any different between two friends? So again I pose my question.. is it a good idea to let it set for days? There's so much that can happen in those few days that could cause damage.

Whenever someone and I get into an argument and they don't attempt to make contact to try and work it out, I always feel as if they don't give a crap about our friendship. To me it would seem a person who tried to work it out right away cared rather than someone who lets it slip by day by day not attempting to work it out. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't even know why I should bother to be quite honest. I'm so hurt by what she said that I cannot believe I would even wanna call her.
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Old 19th February 2002, 8:05 AM   #17
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Then what are you looking to hear?

Joe,

You have gotten a wide range of opinions since your first post. Some have told you to go ahead and call...and you got mad. Some have advised you not to call...and you got mad. So what is it your looking for? A place to vent your frustrations the same way your "friend" and/or co-dependent vents on you? Do you have any friends who know the two of you a little bit better that you can confide in concerning this issue? Perhaps their insite might be of more use to you.

Look, you don't need anyone's *approval* to handle this situation any way that you see fit. But when you ask for people's input, than you've put yourself out there and should be secure enough to handle what you ask for, or at least process it in a rational way.

No one is making you out to be "the bad guy." I think, subconsciously, those are feelings you are harboring about yourself and they are now beginning to surface. Everyone here has told you, time and time again, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

You are on your own with this one...you always have been. Do whatever it is you feel you need to do to get through this so you can focus on the more important things in YOUR OWN life. As of now, you've gotten too caught up in someone else's soap opera.

I, for one, wish you the best of luck and hope that things turn out the way you want them to...no matter what you decide. It's your life...SO GO LIVE IT!

Quote:
First of all, I'm not trying to win her love and loyality. She's a great friend and I'm tired of seeing her damn friends encourage her to go back to this guy when all that will happen is her getting hurt again. If she's gonna come crying to be, she had better be able to accept my opinions and thought. I cannot believe you even saying that, what am I to do? Either she stops making it my problem by coming to me each time or she accepts my honesty. I will repeat, she's my best friend.. or at least she is my best friend and that's all. Spoon fed her poison? the only thing she's been fed is a load of bull**** to stay with this guy who continuously hurts her and makes her cry.

The only thing I'm feeding her is what she needs to hear and my honesty. She should be able to accept my honesty, after all honesty is a good thing.. right? Quite honestly, I do not know why I feel as if you're trying to make me out to be the bad guy. How many guys can you say offers this much care for their friends? I care for each of my friend, whether it was a guy or girl they'd be given the same advice.
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Old 19th February 2002, 8:14 AM   #18
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Re: Friend pissed me off part 3

Wel she calls me up last night, we talk as normal then she brings it up. She said that she didn't appreciate what I said and I told her she may not have appreciated it, however it was my opinion and I was being honest.

What proves my point about her thriving off the attention and sorrow poured over her is she says "What I needed was you to be there for me to support me, you didn't have to tell me that".

So basically she got mad because I wasn't at her feet slaving her because she got treated like #####.
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Old 19th February 2002, 8:25 AM   #19
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Re: Friend pissed me off part 3

well, so what happens now?? is everything "back to normal" . . . well, until the NEXT time, that is??

if you can deal with this attitude, then it's fine. otherwise, you seriously need to have a talk with her about this.

the problem is, you never know how long it can really take to get to know someone and to see ALL of his or her sides, and that will more than likely happen at some point. you may feel surprised, upset, angry, or not care at all . . . but, hey . . . this is LIFE, and we're all just PEOPLE here!
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Wel she calls me up last night, we talk as normal then she brings it up. She said that she didn't appreciate what I said and I told her she may not have appreciated it, however it was my opinion and I was being honest. What proves my point about her thriving off the attention and sorrow poured over her is she says "What I needed was you to be there for me to support me, you didn't have to tell me that".

So basically she got mad because I wasn't at her feet slaving her because she got treated like #####.
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Old 19th February 2002, 12:38 PM   #20
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Re: Friend pissed me off part 3

tell your "friend" to get a life, and to stop bothering you. She sounds like an emotional vampire, only needing you when she's got problems, but not really giving a rat's ass about you otherwise. Why continue contact with someone like that?
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Old 19th February 2002, 7:25 PM   #21
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Re: Friend pissed me off part 3

Tell her that you will support her decision to keep trying at her r/s because you want her to be happy, but yet you cant continue to give her advice. She will have to learn at her own time if her r/s will work or not. No one can tell her what to do. She can get as mad as she wants towards you for your input of the whole thing but its not going to change how you feel about him.

And thats all you can do or say. You cant make her mind up for her. As you have already exhausted yourself trying to tell her she's better off with out him. Just try to celebrate your f/s with her.

If she has any respect for your f/s than she should leave her r/s out of your f/s with her as much as possible. You have made it clear to her that you dont wont to bothered by it anymore.
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tell your "friend" to get a life, and to stop bothering you. She sounds like an emotional vampire, only needing you when she's got problems, but not really giving a rat's ass about you otherwise. Why continue contact with someone like that?
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