Friend sabotages relationships for me before they even start...

[Country_Girl]

Okay, I have worked next door to this girl for about 1.5 years. We never really talked unless we bumped into eachother on a cigg break. Around 3.5 months ago we both became single & have been pretty much inseparable since then. Hang out 3-4 nights out of the week consistently.

 

My biggest problem is she sabatoges any plans I have for a guy before things even start! I was interested in a friend of my brother's a few months ago- she tanked it! She started texting him, telling him I liked him, giveing him all the details. Ok, I am 26 yrs old, I do NOT need a friend doing the work for me, the whole "so & so likes you" just puts me beside myself, I feel like I am in middle school. And we are talking, she literally just met the guy the week before- it's not like they were friends & tell eachother everything. If it wasn't for me, she never would have met him. The other thing that bugs me, she wouldn't tell me what they were texting about. She would just announce that they were talking about me, but not even tell me what was discussed!

 

So, I was a little bummed about that...she forced the issue, when my plan is to let things happen, see where they go.

 

So, lets fast foreward to this past weekend. I was going down to Florida to visit my friends & family. I told her she could come if she wanted. We get down there, and I meet a guy I am interested in. I tell said friend this, afterall, she seemed to be chummy with his friend. As soon as she hears this, she goes & gets his number & she's texting him all night. She never told me, but come on, anyone can put 2 & 2 together if both their phones are going off at the bar. I don't know what they were saying, but I found the whole experiance retarded- seeing as we were all in the same bar, why can't you say what u need to say in person? But whatever, I didn't even question her about it, figure she'll tell me later.

 

I would also like to mention that after we left this bar we all went to a kareoki place (me, my brother, said friend, guy that I was into, + 3 of my bro's friends). It's the kind where you rent a room out (your own private party). Me & the guy hit it off pretty well, we were sitting next to eachother, must have sang like 10 songs together, laughing just haveing a good time together. So, it's not like there was no interest.

 

Well she waits for 2 days to pass (when we are leaveing) to say that her & this guy have been texting back and forth about me. Once again, NOT telling me anything more than that. Mind you, she was drunk, I have a feeling had she not been drinking, she wouldn't have even told me. She was being real secrative about, doing the whole "obviouse" change of subject & wouldn't tell me. I don't get it, if he's not interested then fine (but I know thats not the case). All she offered was that he was asking her questions about me- & the fact that she won't reveal anything else makes me think she is talking crap about me. She has told me in the past she is jealous of me because all the guys we encounter always ask about me & not her.

 

So we get back to town, she asks me if I tried to look up the guy on myspace. I said "no way, I don't know his last name, I am not going to filter through all the guys named **** in Florida". And if you wonder why I am considering this guy an option, it's because I am moveing there in 3 months.

 

Anyway, later that night I get to the bar & she is beyond hammered. She then tells me that she called the guy. Once again being all secrative, not saying what it was about. After she gets a few more drinks washed down I ask again & she's like "Oh so I could get his last name & add him to my myspace". Ummm, this is exactley the information I didn't have on him & she knew it. Not only that, it's not like she was doing it as a favor for me, it was for herself. I think I have every right to beleive that had she not been drinking both of these nights, she never would have even told me.

 

I think the iceing on the cake was when (same night at bar), she triend to get guy #1 in the story, to come home & sleep with her...ummm, yeah & she must have offered close to 20 times. So, not only did she tank my plans for guy #1, but now she's interested...and guy #2 I am assumeing she tanked since I haven't heard from him, and I am guessing she is interested.

 

This chick is 3 yrs younger than me, and you know what, her age is REALLY starting to show.

 

I'd also like to state than when she told me she was texting guy #2 I made a point of being pissed at her & said "I don't get what the big secret is?". She's like "there is no secret he was just asking me about you"

 

What would u do in a situation like this? Right now I could care less if I ever saw her again, I feel like she's being: manipulative, vindictive, & secrative.

[Phateless]

This girl sounds like more trouble than she's worth.

 

Idea - next time just tell her you like the OTHER one and let her go after that guy while you hang out with the one you really want. Problem solved.

[Trialbyfire]

I had a g/f similar to yours and presently, she's still a very good friend.

 

She's since settled down and matured greatly, so it hasn't been an issue for over ten years. Previous to that, after being initially annoyed, I found her tactics the perfect natural filter for the useless man. Any guy who would sleep with her, wasn't worth my time, since he always ended up to be a dine and dash guy. The ones that weren't tempted, I ended up considering worthwhile for dating material.

[Phateless]

I had a g/f similar to yours and presently, she's still a very good friend.

 

She's since settled down and matured greatly, so it hasn't been an issue for over ten years. Previous to that, after being initially annoyed, I found her tactics the perfect natural filter for the useless man. Any guy who would sleep with her, wasn't worth my time, since he always ended up to be a dine and dash guy. The ones that weren't tempted, I ended up considering worthwhile for dating material.

 

lol wow, that's a good perspective!

[underpants]

Lordy,

 

This girl is not a friend.

 

She sounds like someone who would have no problem making moves on your boyfriend.

 

She may just be motivated to compete with you for some bizarre reason.

 

You may have to work with her. However, you don't have to interact with her socially.

 

Just start to detach from her more and more. If she asks you straight up why you two are spending less time together then just tell her. It makes me uncomfortable that you pursue men that you know I am interested in.

 

I would not trust someone who displayed that type of behaviour, repeatedly.

[Trialbyfire]

lol wow, that's a good perspective!

Hey, everyone has different friends for different reasons. Beyond this strangeness, she was a good friend, always there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on.

[Country_Girl]

Trialbyfire-

Never really thought about it that way, it is a good strategy, but at the same time it's like I am doomed to be single until she finds someone & settles down! I can't wait that long, no to sound mean but this girl is "center of attention, everyone look at me, drama queen" - most the guys she meets don't last more than two weeks.

 

Phateless- I think you are right, you are the 5th person to name her & "trouble" in the same sentance.

 

underpants- I wouldn't put her past "trying" to take a man from me. Whole time I was pursueing guy #1 she would be all over him, freak danceing him at the bar.

 

I've started trying to distance myself, that's why I'm home on a Friday night. I don't know if I can get out of hanging out tomm, I don't want it to be too obviouse, but I think she might be starting to realize something is up.

[underpants]

You could meet up with her and only stay for under an hour.

 

Tell her you have to go because you have a date.

 

It might be fun to see her try to hook up with a ghost.

 

You sound like you have lost some respect for her and I can't really blame you. Instead of close friends you could reel it back to acquaintaces. Just be busy.

[EYECANDY000]

any one who is doing this to you, you shouldnt even consider them as a friend. Basically you shouldnt trust this girl as far as you can throw her, as the saying goes!

 

I had a situation pretty similar to this. But it was my best friend, friend. Everytime we would all go out and I say I am interested in someone she walks right up to them and gets their number. A couple of times I have exchanged numbers with guys and when I went to the bathroom, she did as well. When I would speak to the guys they would say , hey you know that girl who you was with, she put her number in my phone, is that your friend? I asked my friend , what kind of slutty friend do you hang out with? Her response was , she does that to me too.. huh? Im like well I dont like it when she steps on my toes!

Anyways to make a long story short, you need to just keep it as ciggarette buddies and thats it. This girl has no respect for you and is only looking out for herself.