Buddy becoming annoying and calling too often - how to handle?

[johnnyj]

Hi everyone. I am a married male in my 30s. I have a buddy I met a couple of years ago, who at first seemed like a super nice guy and I became friends with. He is married. Problem with this guy is, he likes to talk a lot on the phone and calls me often. Most of his calls go anywhere from 2-3+ hours. At first it didn't bug me so much because I thought it was only once in a while it would happen. But as he started to call more often, I started to avoid his calls. It's got to a point where I am sick of seeing this guy's number on my caller id now. I have not returned many of his calls, and basically explained that it is difficult to get hold of me as I am very busy. But this guy is so dense, he just doesn't get a clue. My wife makes jokes about maybe the guy is gay.

 

Anyway, for months I was just ignoring his calls and returning his call very late or only after he kept calling multiple times over a few days. But during the last few times I spoke/emailed with him, he started to do something which really surprised and bothered me. Sometimes on the phone he would say things like "I love you man", but trying to make it sound like brotherly sort of comment. It sounded really weird hearing that from a buddy. Also in several of his emails, he would mention something like that near the end. Like "your loving friend" or something similar. Kind of gave me the creeps. After this happened, I felt more and more compelled to just ditch the guy and never contact him again. I mean, I usually always cringed at the thought of calling him because I knew I would be on the phone for at least a couple of hours or more. But now that he has mentioned this "i love you man" sort of comments, and mentioned it in some emails, I totally do not want to contact him or even have a friendship with him anymore. It's been almost a couple months now that I haven't spoke to him, but he keeps calling me every week or every other week, to say hi or to see how I am doing. Every time I would talk to this guy, the ending of the conversation would always have to be about when are we going to talk next, or "let's try to talk in a week or so" blah blah. On one hand, this fellow was super nice, but on the other hand, his behavior makes me wonder if he is gay. I am not against gays nor do I dislike this guy because I suspect he could be gay. The main reason I don't like him anymore is because he talks way too ****ing much, and he calls me way too much. His "your loving friend" email comments were just the final straw that made me realize I don't want to associate with him anymore.

 

Anyway, I am feeling bad because I didn't call this guy for so long and he is always calling me, STILL.

 

Has anyone ever had a friend like this? It's really bizarre. The guy is married and he has kids as well. I often wondered to myself what his wife thinks about his excessive telephone conversations. I imagine he must have other male friends who complain of the same issue with him. Also, the guy seems a little unstable in that he likes to vent excessively about all the bad things that happen to him (bad as in, the normal stuff we all have to deal with).

 

So as it stands right now, he's left me recent messages wishing me merry Christmas, happy new year, etc etc. Every time he ends any message he almost begs me to call him. He never sounds like he is upset that I never called him back, he is just always so "pleasant". In at least a couple of his latest messages/emails, he also had to mention how he really misses me! Is that normal for a guy to be talking like this? I now find him and his phone calls to be totally annoying and it's got to the point I am considering changing my phone number. I know if I ever do speak with him on the phone, the first thing I will have to explain is why I haven't called in so long, then I will have to sit on the phone for 2 or more hours hearing him give me an update of every little thing he did in the past 3 months. Then, when the conversation finally ends he will have to set up a general time frame when we should talk next. That's too much!! I have a wife to spend time with, and I just can't give all this sort of time to any one person.

 

Any comments/jokes or advice is welcome:)

 

John

Edited January 2, 2008 by johnnyj

[KenzieAbsolutely]

yes, i had a friend like this. she would refer to me as her best friend when talking to people, and it bothered me because that label started maybe a week after we met.

 

i stayed friends with her for a while. she was so clingy though, that after some time, i ended up being annoyed, angry, and then finally hating her.

 

she did not understand the concept of time, patience, and space. i did try to talk to her about it several times, because she wouldn't even give me a chance to call her back before she would call me back again, and again, and again. not to mention, she wasn't a good friend, she only cared about herself, only talked about herself, and i just grew tired of her constantly trying to hang on me.

 

we're no longer friends. i have a thread somewhere here about, maybe a couple of them actually, if you feel like looking them up.

[johnnyj]

she did not understand the concept of time, patience, and space. i did try to talk to her about it several times, because she wouldn't even give me a chance to call her back before she would call me back again, and again, and again.

 

ARGH!! This is exactly what this dude does with me!

 

I will try looking up your past thread. Thanks for your input.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

ARGH!! This is exactly what this dude does with me!

 

I will try looking up your past thread. Thanks for your input.

 

not a problem, i feel your pain. keep me posted as to what happens.

[Always Wrong]

johnnyj,

That guy I was talking about that punched me, and I think I broke his jaw... he does exactly the same thing! I haven't answered the phone when I saw his number for years. He did the "I love you man" too. This guy I know is just really lonely, I don't think he's gay. But I know what you mean, it's a little over the limit.