i cant join in the party with friends no more n they resent me for it

[emmaUK]

basically i was always a party animal from a younge teenager up till i fell pregnant 3 n half years ago. i used to be out every weekend at house parties, niteclubs or raves and was always the loud one who was life n soulf of party.... n then my life changed drtasticall over nite.

 

now its a diff story... im a sinlge mum ... i cant afford childcare so i can tdo any work until my daughter goes to pre-school (which is free)... plus alot of employers dont wanna touch me becuase for years b4 i go preg i worked as a dancer and i guess they think i may not cope well in a normal job if i havent had alot of experince. had a good few noses turned up at me.

so i know that as soon as my daugther starts pre-school i should get back to college and learn something ne wthat'l help me to get some decent work.

 

anyway so basically the sotry of my life is ... spending the day with my daughter .. either at home doing cleanign n cookin etc .. or else we go out 2 park, swimming, etc etc.

EVERY evening i sit in alone

i get to go out abotu once every 4-6 weeks... its very hard though and i normaly havta arrange things 3-4 weeks in advance.

i dont have alot of ppl who can help with babysitting and i dont have alot of money to be going on nites out anyway so like i said ... it doesn happen very often.

 

now my friend who dont live near me cant understand this... when they ask me to come out i say i havent got enough money or i cant get babysitter which is true but they get funny with me n start asking what i spend my money on nb cant u ask your mum, cant u ask your sister etc etc etc. they dont understand when i say i cant... i try 2 explain but they really dont beleive me... they think i am making up lies so that i dont go out. 2 of them have children but they have mor emoney then me and have more ppl who will babysit so its easier for them

their offers of nites out have got less and less now and when we do speak they say things liek "you should get out of this bubble your in sitting in on your own on your PC or watchign tv every evenin" DUHHHHHH

DONT U THINK I F-ING WOULD IF I COULD... I DONT PARTICULARLY ENJOY SITTING IN ON MY OWN THE WHOLE F-ING TIME.

but they dont c it that way.... i try to explain that its not that easy for me but they still jsut think im making it up to stay in... they c me as some depressed snti-social twit that enjoy sitting in alone all the time.

 

my mate text me 3 days back n said its her bday next saturday n everyone is gonna be getting the train to brighton...

my heart sunk when i read it... for one i cannot afford train from near london to the coast n back... nor can i afford the money to be going into bars n drinkin all after noon n evening n nor will i be bale to get a babysitter at such short notice ... a week and 3-4 days she gave me which is not long enough at all.

i jsut spoke to her on MSN a min ago n i tried to explain that it was very short notice n i am skint n she was jsut sayint "well i didnt think you would come so i wasnt expeting it to be honest" n then when i tried to explain she jstu said "yea well.... whatever.. im going now bye" n went offline.

im funing n upset.. why cant they understand that my situation is very different from them.

what can i say or do to make them c this... i dont wanna lose these frined as i have known them since i was 12 but my situation is driving them away coz they think im blowing them out on purpous.

 

any ideas

[sb129]

Sounds like they are being really insensitive, but to be honest until they have kids of their own its likely they won't understand your situation until then!!

 

I really do sympathise, could you talk to them and maybe have them round to your place more often? That solves babysitters probs, and is cheaper. Although it depends on how rowdy they want to get.

 

Also, are you friends with any other single mums in your area? They would be more understanding of your situation, as you have something in common! Also, if you were to be friends with a few other women in your situation you could organise a babysitting roster with them, where you help out with eachothers kids.

 

Your friends sound a bit immature- you have had to grow up by being a parent, and they haven't yet.

[emmaUK]

2 of them have got children. the one who sais the things more then the others has a 5-6 year old. so she knows... but she doe shave more money then me coz she lives with her partner who has a decent job and he often stays in with the boy while she goes out with friends or if they out together her family help.

my other friend has a child and her ex BF has her son every other weekend and even if he cant help then her mum or sister help.

my mum is sooo busy n its hard to get her 2 help even once a month... i dont ask my sister much coz for her to do it its alot of hassle (long stories) but she has to get a babysitter for her daughter at the same time.

so they have got kids but my situation is very very different.

i dont have any friends in my area at all... i dont know any1 ... the closest person to me is my mum (10 min drive away)

my other friends are 30 min drive away or longer.. but i havent got a car anyway so i havta rely on public transport so it takes a couple of hours to get to them .. plus i cant afford it.

ye si will ask them round to my place after i have done the decorating which i am in the middle of right now.

but its mainly going out that they moam abnout... when i tried to say i havent got the money she jsut said "thats bollox emma, what about coming round to mine or lucys"

if i went round to hers .. its takes me 2-3 hours then id have abotu 2-3 hours .. then id have a coupld of hours there b4 i havta do journey back.

i would stay over but at the moment my daughter cant sleep in a normal bed... she just keeps getting out the bed all nite so its not really convenient.. and not having a car.. i cant take the travel cot to them.

grrrrrrrrr im so frustrated n angry

[sb129]

Can they come and pick you up then if they have a car? Then drop you off the next morning?

And if your mates BF stays in to look after their kid, how come you can't get him to look after your daughter too?

 

What about your daughters dad? Or should I not go there?

[emmaUK]

to be honest.... at the moment i wouldnt have anyone apart from mum, sister or very clsoe friends to have my daugther coz she is going thru a stage of playing up BIG TIME, so wouldnt subject a poor unsuspecting BF to that. but when she's a little older and past this stage then that would be an idea.

 

there has been a few times when i have been invited round by a friend but she said "if u can get down to me then i will give u lift home... which means id need to carry the car seat all the way with me which would be impossible. i wouldnt even risk my daughter sitting in a car without being properly secure.. plus my frined would get in trouble if she was stopped my the police for having a 2-3 year old in the back not properly belted up

 

daughters dad...........

he's done dissapearing act a few weeks back.. havent heard from him for a while... he doesnt liek it coz i found out a few things that he didnt want me knowing and i had to say something

everytime he cant take the heat then he disspears... im thinkin of cutting him out totaly 2 be honest... he cant keep doing this 2 my daughter every time the backlog of his own lies n stupid mistakes comes to the surface