Experiment with Narcisstic Friends

[Guest]

I have recently done what I call an "experiment" to see who my true friends are. This experiment has been to stop putting forth all the effort in contacting and asking how my friends are, inquiring about what they're doing, how they feel, etc.

 

I'm always the one making contact and putting forth the effort when no one ever seems to say "So, enough about me - how are YOU?". I have stopped emailing and calling because I"m always the one maintaining contact, listening to all their drama, initiating lunch or dinner, etc.

 

What's happened? I haven't heard from any of them! Now I don't have alot of friends - I'm referring to 4 friends whom I've maintained contact in over 6-7 years.

 

I suddenly realized I was the one putting forth all the effort in the friendships while they were never initiating anything (unless of course they were going thru drama and needed someone to listen.......).

 

I'm a great person, a good listener, a loyal and honest friend. I'm amazed that no one has bothered to call or email to see if I'm alive........

 

I need new friends. Where can I meet NEW people? Church? I'm in my mid 40's.....kinda hard dumping all my toxic selfish friends and starting over but I'm at the point where I'm ready to clean house and find friends who are more genuine.

 

Any suggestions?

[lindya]

I have recently done what I call an "experiment" to see who my true friends are. This experiment has been to stop putting forth all the effort in contacting and asking how my friends are, inquiring about what they're doing, how they feel, etc.

 

I'm always the one making contact and putting forth the effort when no one ever seems to say "So, enough about me - how are YOU?". I have stopped emailing and calling because I"m always the one maintaining contact, listening to all their drama, initiating lunch or dinner, etc.

 

What's happened? I haven't heard from any of them! Now I don't have alot of friends - I'm referring to 4 friends whom I've maintained contact in over 6-7 years.

 

How long has it been since you were in contact with any of them?

 

I think you're correct to think about widening your support network, but that doesn't mean you have to write off the friends you have. Some people just require a lot less contact than others when it comes to keeping friendships going.

 

If you're going through a phase where you could really do with a bit of emotional support from your friends, maybe you need to be upfront and just tell them rather than waiting for them to guess something's up.

[tanbark813]

Karaoke bars!

 

[Raleuse]

[

I have recently done what I call an "experiment" to see who my true friends are. This experiment has been to stop putting forth all the effort in contacting and asking how my friends are, inquiring about what they're doing, how they feel, etc...

...I'm a great person, a good listener, a loyal and honest friend. I'm amazed that no one has bothered to call or email to see if I'm alive........

 

I usually make friends with people who have the same interests I do, so if there is a sport or an activity you like doing you should meet like-minded people there. But if you are such a good listener, people will love you for it but also use you for it I'm afraid. That's how most people work. Whatever they're given they will happily take without second thoughts.

 

I have done the same experiment as you with my best friend once. Funnily the people I get along best with are a bit (or a lot) self centered. It's the kind of people I attract. On the other hand I must admit some of my acquaintances get the same treatment from me (I sometimes realise when I hang up that I have spent a whole telephone conversation talking about myself).

 

Anyway, what happened is that my friend did end up calling me - after 3 months of silence - and she'd had a hell of a time with problems. She must have felt abandoned and I asked her why she did not call and she said she didn't want to bother me. Now we call each other regularly but not all the time and it will be either of us calling. She still is someone I really appreciate and like to share things with.