hockey_fan1 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 anything happening??? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Personally, I think that it is a rarity, but it is possible. As long as the two of you are on the same page, then there shouldn't be a problem. I had a best friend for years that was a female and never once did neither of us think about or attempt to take it a step further. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I had a guy best friend for years tho I later found out that he did have a crush on me when he was younger but that passed and nothing came of it. We were just realy close best friends for a long time yea ide say its possible. But more then likely the idea of takeing it further will pop into some ones mind at one point or another.. Link to post Share on other sites
loveratud Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I would say absolutely so. One of my two best friends is a girl that I worked with in high school. We worked together for more than a years, and forged a bond of friendship that has endured for nearly 4 years now, even with us on opposite sides of the country at college. What I do is just mentally condition myself to not feel that they are attractive. Liken them to your sister, your mother, whatever. Again and again, for days on end. Then you can look at them without feeling any attraction at all. Now keep in mind that I'm currently in the middle of the worst break up of my life, because I befriended a girl at college. We established we were just friends, and I "de-sexualized" her in my mind. As our friendship grew, and we trusted each other more and more, she would spend the night with me. She knew that I was something of a womanizer, since we were always totally honest with one another. But I didn't make a move for several nights in a row. Finally she begged me to begin a relationship with her, despite my argument that you should never date your friends. Eventually I conceeded, and she sweetly asked me to "make love to her." I told her that I couldn't, because I didn't see her that way. That I needed time. It took me about 2 days to be able to be aroused from her. And thus began 5 months that were the best of my life, and encompassed my first true love. She recently told me that she's not in love with me anymore, but still loves me. It destroyed me. I suppose what I'm saying to you is, if you feel that you can't remain unattracted, don't do it. Because as you become good friends and share your secrets, you trust one another, and build a certain type of intimacy. If there's even the smallest physical attraction there, you could cave into it and destroy the friendship. Conversely you might create a wonderful relationship. I'm still not certain if I would take it back, if I had it to do all over again. But you know who was there to help me through that terrible breakup? My best friend, who is a girl. We talked through everything, and she made me feel so much better about it all. I love her, and she loves me, and we tell each other that frequently, but as friends. And that's a great thing to have. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Yes, it's decidedly possible. My best friend was a woman I met at work in 1992 for whom I felt no sexual attraction whatsoever. I admired and respected her and enjoyed working with her since we enhanced one another professionally. She felt the same about me. She and I had good conversations that were not work related and she was always easy to talk to. When I was divorcing the ex she was the one available woman about my age (she'd been divorced and single 18 years) who didn't come onto me and she provided me with a lot of moral support, advice and understanding. Two years post divorce after having lived like a monk all that time I asked her to join me for a day trip of about eight hours thinking some company would be pleasant and knowing that we could have some good conversation. After all, we'd known one another for five years by that time and while we no longer worked directly together, we still saw one another regularly in our shared profession. To the shock and dismay of both of us, we fell in love that day (obviously what had been there for quite some time just bubbled up to the surface) and were married two months later. That was 10 years ago and we're still the best of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I guess the thing that gets me about this is that I'm usually not friends with a guy unless I find something about him attractive. Keep in mind when I say friends I mean someone I hang out with regularly and call regularly, outside of just working or class time or whatever. Sure there were guys in classes or at work that I'd say hi to and have lunch with just because we were stuck together for that time. But I made no effort outside of those occurrences to call or see them. The guys I spent time with going out or whatever were guys I could see something with...Not sure how that has been with those guys toward me. Nothing has come of it, but not because I didn't think about it. I just never made any moves in fear of jeopardizing the relationship of friends and being afraid of rejection. =) Also it's like how can you stay best friends with someone of the opposite sex when you get a serious relationship? If I get married, I want my fiance/husband to be my best friend... Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I love Curmudgeon's Story! I have had many male friends, and there was one man who was like a rock for me and I for him. We are out of touch now, but altho he was very attractive and wonderful, we never had that chemistry... when we were both single and forlorn (we were even living in the same apt) we talked about how weird it was that we were not attracted to each other and how grateful we were for each other's friendship. I think that it was a very rare gift, and I don't think it's very common. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Nothing happening? Do you mean physically or emotionally? Physically, its possible. Emotionally, less so. One party nearly always ends up crushing on the other unless they are physically repulsed by one another. Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Sure, I've managed for 16 years without any awkward "I like-like you moments." Link to post Share on other sites
MotherGooze Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I actually only have male friends, with a few exceptions. My best friends are all male, so I see no real problem. Only that if you would step into a relationship your partner could get jealous, happens to me all the time! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Oh sure! I have had a male best friend for 6 years and we've never slept together. We've discussed it during beer 5....but decided to wait until we are sober to discuss it again...and then we never do. I guess the question always would be if one person in the equation feels like it's more than friends when the other person does not. I think that may happen often but no one knows how to fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
vanessabg Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I have also many male friends and we are all best friends to each other for many years.I also like "Curmudgeon's" post. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 i saw this quote yesterday and thought it was great! The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed. Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success.~ANNA GARLIN SPENCER Link to post Share on other sites
chelisgirl Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I've had a best guy friend for over 25 years. We've been thru thick and thin together, but never in bed! We stood up in each other's weddings and still remain great friends. Although he has moved a distance away, when we see each other we are good 'old' buddies. The past 18 months I have found a new guy best friend. We have similar tastes, hobbies and interests. I am still married and he is divorced but is living with his girlfriend of 6 years. Both my spouse and his girlfriend work afternoons which led us to be social companions. With our similar interests we now have a buddy to hang out with when our significant other is unavailable. But before our friendship progressed we had a mutual agreement that this was not going to be a physical relationship, we discussed so that there would be no feelings on the line. We both agreed that having a companionship was much more important than risking a physical relationship that could turn our lives upside down and basically ruin what our true intensions were. If you set the standards up front, you can get control over your emotions. But it is tricky and if you are vulnerable, than that is where this could fail. We always joke when people ask if we are dating, we say No because....SHE'S MARRIED AND HE'S LIVING WITH SOMEONE, and we move on. It can work...I am proof... Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 anything happening??? No. . . . . Link to post Share on other sites
goodfriendeva Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 i think at point one point someone is going to develop feelings for the another person as long as theyre on the same wave length then nothing will happened from it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bestfriends yes -Until you or her get involved with someone else - Then you find out if it's bestfriend material. Plus, usually the boyfriend/girlfriend has a problem with the "bestfriend" situation between male/female... Think of eachother as family, like brother/sister. Link to post Share on other sites
engravefeelthevoid Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 maan..theres always problems in it....if no problems happen then its not an opposite sex friendship....my answer is "no" Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 It can happen... I have had one of the best guy friends for the last 9 years. We met the first day of 7th grade, he was new to the city and was asking me about different things. I never had feelings for him, although some of his girlfriends in high school were really jealous of me. He is now married to another good friend of mine. I was told not to long ago that he liked me back at the beginning of high school but I don't know it at the time. We refer to each other as brother and sister. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I have a guy friend, though we have moved on with our own lives, we talk every once a month or once a year. I had another guy friend, like my best friend...that did not go well at all. after a year and 3 months it was over. I am in touch with another guy who I consider my best friend. We have known each other for about 4 years, comming up to 5 years. The thing is we both have 'strong loving feelings' for one another and are working on something 'more' with each other. In my opinion you can be best friends with a guy or very good friends with a guy, but when he gets a girlfriend expect to not be hanging around with him much any more or expect either one of you having more than friendship feelings for one another. It can get awkuad when one of you don't feel the same way as the other feels or want the same relationship as the other wants. Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Yeah sure, why not? As long as there is no attraction, it can work out. If there is even a little bit of attraction, then I think things can't work out in the long run Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Will and Grace did it. But I that was different. For me it never really works out. I think I am fully capable and onto something really great. Then he has to go and ruin it by telling me he's in love with me, time and time again.... Very disturbing. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Would you like something to happen? I think it can work. Link to post Share on other sites
bklk1227 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Well obviously from the responses this depends on the people involved and the motivation for becoming close in the first place. I think the biggest challenge is suppressing the initial infatuation when an emotional connection is inevitably made. Once you start sharing secrets and feelings - which friends are prone to do - a friend of the opposite sex sometimes starts to feel superhuman. If you can supress that urge to connect at a higher level with the person than you are a better man than me. I can honestly say that I cautiously enter any friendship with the opposite sex, because I do not think can fight the urge. Plus it creates massive conflict when you do get a boyfriend/girlfriend. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Kittiecat Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 anything happening??? Hee hee... I like Curmudgeon's response the best. It's not a question if IF something will happen, but when. Personally I don't think for a second men and women can be friends without that little something extra entering the equation eventually. There's always a bit of ego stroking, or a secret crush, etc. How many posts appear on LS entitled "I'm in love with my best friend?!" Please! Link to post Share on other sites
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