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Major Fallouts ...


GoodGuy177

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The past couple months of my life have been without question the worst.. I've lost so many close people to me and I have no idea what to do with myself. I'll give the abbreviated version so as not to discourage you from responding.. but in that time span I've stopped talking to my best friend, my roommate, and two different girlfriends. The craziest part is not one of these "fallouts" could really be considered my fault! Here's the quick versions:

 

1. My best friend for 8 years and I have a major fight when I found out he was trying to sleep with my younger sister behind my back. Obviously that destroys a friendship, end of story. His fault.

 

2. My roommate of 1.5 years kicked in my door twice, both times to get to the circuit breaker after a fuse blew. The first time was understandable, however the second time I left a key in an envelope outside my door but he never bothered to call me. When I tell him to replace the door, he goes off on me about how he doesn't respect me enough to care and to go **** off. I want to stangle him right now.

 

3. I was dating a girl for about 4 months who lived in pittsburgh but was planning on moving to my city. I decided to take a trip out to pitt to visit her and take her to a steelers game. 1 day into the trip she tells me she's been offered a better job out there and won't be moving anymore. Wouldn't it have been right to tell me this BEFORE I spend the money and effort to come out there? Total slap to the face.

 

4. Not as serious, but another girl I've been dating for a few weeks basically blows me off after promising to spend the weekend down in atlantic city with me. I book the room and drive down, only to find out she has to stay home because "her best friend just broke up with her boyfriend and she needs her help" Do girls not realize these things cost a LOT OF MONEY?

 

What is crazy is that I know myself to be a very open, honest and giving person. I'm always there for my friends, and people always come to ME with THEIR problems hoping I can solve them. I'm a good looking guy who hasn't ever had problems with girls until recently, and I've always had lots of friends up until now. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON??? IS ANY OF THIS MY FAULT???

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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1. How old is your younger sister, and is she old enough to make decisions for herself about who she sleeps with? Was your best friend just trying to score, or to start a relationship with her. I don't know that you need to kick him to the curb for not telling you ahead of time what he was doing...but if he was being a jerk, then you made the right decision.

 

2. Move out or get a new roommate. Better yet, get your own place.

 

3. Maybe she thought it would be kinder to tell you in person rather than over the phone or - like lots of people do these days -with a stupid text message. I wouldn't consider it a slap in the face.

 

4. Maybe planning an expensive trip with someone you've only been dating a few weeks isn't a good idea to begin with.

 

I think some of your choices in women and roommates could be improved. Don't know what's what with your best friend. If he was your friend for 8 years, either he's not all bad, or you've accepted his jerky behavior until it hit home.

 

Change your social circle - get involved with different things than you are now and maybe you'll meet more quality people.

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The past couple months of my life have been without question the worst.. I've lost so many close people to me and I have no idea what to do with myself. I'll give the abbreviated version so as not to discourage you from responding.. but in that time span I've stopped talking to my best friend, my roommate, and two different girlfriends. The craziest part is not one of these "fallouts" could really be considered my fault! Here's the quick versions:

 

1. My best friend for 8 years and I have a major fight when I found out he was trying to sleep with my younger sister behind my back. Obviously that destroys a friendship, end of story. His fault.

 

2. My roommate of 1.5 years kicked in my door twice, both times to get to the circuit breaker after a fuse blew. The first time was understandable, however the second time I left a key in an envelope outside my door but he never bothered to call me. When I tell him to replace the door, he goes off on me about how he doesn't respect me enough to care and to go **** off. I want to stangle him right now.

 

3. I was dating a girl for about 4 months who lived in pittsburgh but was planning on moving to my city. I decided to take a trip out to pitt to visit her and take her to a steelers game. 1 day into the trip she tells me she's been offered a better job out there and won't be moving anymore. Wouldn't it have been right to tell me this BEFORE I spend the money and effort to come out there? Total slap to the face.

 

4. Not as serious, but another girl I've been dating for a few weeks basically blows me off after promising to spend the weekend down in atlantic city with me. I book the room and drive down, only to find out she has to stay home because "her best friend just broke up with her boyfriend and she needs her help" Do girls not realize these things cost a LOT OF MONEY?

 

What is crazy is that I know myself to be a very open, honest and giving person. I'm always there for my friends, and people always come to ME with THEIR problems hoping I can solve them. I'm a good looking guy who hasn't ever had problems with girls until recently, and I've always had lots of friends up until now. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON??? IS ANY OF THIS MY FAULT???

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

 

Ok man, I'm going to give you my honest and unbiased opinions...I hope you consider them and not resent me for saying them.

 

 

1. Ok, unless there is a big age gap or your sister is too young, you're being the bad friend here. Yes, he should have told you, he probably was afraid of your reaction and that's understandable...

 

But why would him being with your sister be the end of the world? Don't you want your sister to be with someone you know and trust rather than a stranger that might turn out to be a jerk?

 

 

2. I'll give you this one, he should've been more considerate..

 

3. Well so what if she wasn't moving anymore? You've been dating her for 4 months, maybe she had this crazy idea you cared about her enough to come visit her no matter if she was moving or not

 

4. If she could have given you advanced notice of not being able to make it but didn't then that was bad on her part...

 

HOWEVER, if the whole thing with her best friend was sudden and she had no time to give you notice, staying to be there for her friend makes her a terrific friend, the kind I want to have.

 

Really, I can't believe you'd put money and a trip above staying there for your best friend whose suffering, sorry to be blunt but that's not being a giving person as you claim to be. Giving is about way more than giving money and holidays.

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Ok man, I'm going to give you my honest and unbiased opinions...I hope you consider them and not resent me for saying them.

 

 

1. Ok, unless there is a big age gap or your sister is too young, you're being the bad friend here. Yes, he should have told you, he probably was afraid of your reaction and that's understandable...

 

But why would him being with your sister be the end of the world? Don't you want your sister to be with someone you know and trust rather than a stranger that might turn out to be a jerk?

 

 

2. I'll give you this one, he should've been more considerate..

 

3. Well so what if she wasn't moving anymore? You've been dating her for 4 months, maybe she had this crazy idea you cared about her enough to come visit her no matter if she was moving or not

 

4. If she could have given you advanced notice of not being able to make it but didn't then that was bad on her part...

 

HOWEVER, if the whole thing with her best friend was sudden and she had no time to give you notice, staying to be there for her friend makes her a terrific friend, the kind I want to have.

 

Really, I can't believe you'd put money and a trip above staying there for your best friend whose suffering, sorry to be blunt but that's not being a giving person as you claim to be. Giving is about way more than giving money and holidays.

 

Thanks for your responses... I'll follow up a bit to give you a clearer picture:

 

1. She is 19, he is 24. I know him well enough to know I don't want him anywhere near her. He is a player and sleeps with a different girl every week. If he had feelings for my sister, he should have made them very clear to me. Obviously, I don't think that's the case, and he's just trying to use her. I told her this to protect her, and now me and her don't speak to him anymore.

 

2. This is the worst situation because I have to deal with it on a daily basis. He replaced the door but didn't do a good job... it scrapes the ground and has to be forced hard to open. He continues to talk bad about me behind my back. I don't want a confrontation so I'll probably fix it myself.

 

3. No... it was obvious she knew that she wasn't moving well before I ever made it out there. She took the time apart to get over me, but I was taking that time to fall for her. She led me along and she knew it, and admitted to feeling bad after she told me. I broke it off immediately; I won't date a girl that doesn't respect my feelings enough to tell me the truth until its too late.

 

4. The money thing doesn't bother me that much.. it's the principle. I understand her friend needed her, but at the time that's how I felt too (considering everything else I'm going through). Obviously I can't tell her that but still it's just another letdown to add to the list. Like I said, it's not as serious, but as far as I'm concerned it's up to her to make it up to me.

 

Thanks again for your responses, I've been wearing my emotions on my sleeve lately and its definitely getting the best of me. People keep saying it'll get better, but all I can see is tomorrow and the day after and there's no sign of redemption on the horizon.

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Hi again...glad you added some insight to the situation. Just a few points I'd like to make :

 

1. Well then you're right of course you don't want your sis to be used, but the question is why did you stay best friends with this jerk for years when you knew he was hurting other girls...you need to choose your friends better in the first place

 

3. Oh well ok...complicated situation there I guess she could have told you beforehand

 

4. I still disagree completely on this one...her friend needed her more than you, she must've been an emotional wreck...and I'm sure she would have preferred to go on a fun weekend than stay home listening to someone cry for hours...but she stuck with her friend true loyalty is not what many people have, if I were you I would have a whole new level of respect for her after that

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1. Well then you're right of course you don't want your sis to be used, but the question is why did you stay best friends with this jerk for years when you knew he was hurting other girls...you need to choose your friends better in the first place

 

OK I see your point, but that's because between friends, these things go overlooked and are okay. However, when you bring that history on my sibling it completely changes the situation. He was obviously blind to his own faults and thought I would accept it wholeheartedly. We subscribed to different moral standards, which I had spoken to him about and had accepted up until this happened. I'm proud of my decision, but I still can't shake that awful feeling you get when you lose someone you've known for so long.

 

 

4. I still disagree completely on this one...her friend needed her more than you, she must've been an emotional wreck...and I'm sure she would have preferred to go on a fun weekend than stay home listening to someone cry for hours...but she stuck with her friend true loyalty is not what many people have, if I were you I would have a whole new level of respect for her after that

 

I respect your opinion on this, but I should probably tell the whole story so I don't look like a complete jerk. First off, it wasn't just me and her, it was me and my friends and her and her friends. My friend and I were planning a trip for the future anyway, but she told me it was her friend's birthday and they were all going down together and we should all spend the weekend together. So we changed our plans to meet theirs.

 

A few hours into the trip she sends a text saying they can't make it because one of the girls (who she later told me she didnt know THAT well) broke up with her boyfriend and was too upset to drive. I understand girls like to be there for each other, but she had a whole group of them to console her, and wouldn't a trip to AC be a great way to take her mind off it? The point is, her excuse was relatively weak and she could have made more of an effort to come, considering it was her idea and she has her own car and her own group of friends (plus it was one of their birthdays! Talk about ruining the mood!) All in all it was a major letdown on her part.

 

I hope I put that into context for you, and I may be wrong but I'm allowed to be disappointed. Thanks again for all your insight, though.

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