YellowLioness Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 My boyfriend has been out of town for a week, so to kill time and lonliness, I've been trying to hang out with friends as much as possible. I was at a party last night with some people I really thought I could trust. We were all drinking and having a good time, and sitting out by a roaring bonfire watching a storm roll in. One of the friends had (in the past) a crush on me for a while, but as he had a girlfriend over, I didn't think any thing of it. After all, I have no feelings towards this person and was only trying to have a good time. I went in the kitchen to get another drink, when he walked by me and grabbed my butt! I was really grossed out, because his girlfriend was right there, plus I was trying to have a good time and that was a real buzz killer. Plus (before that) he kept giving me WAY too much attention all night- like, igoring her and talking to me, asking me specifically to ride on the back of his 4 wheeler with him (I refused, beer + riding four wheelers = bad combination). Following me around, etc. If my boyfriend had acted toward another girl the way this guy acted toward me, my boyfriend and I would have had a serious talk about it. I got upset, and no one would believe me that this person would do such a thing. They all tried to say I was too drunk to know what was going on (after two beers? I think not!) I then tried to leave the party after drinking some water and taking a 30 minute walk, but the host refused to let me leave, saying that I was "too drunk" and besides, that his "girlfriend was lonley sitting by the fire, and you need to keep her company, and enjoy the party!" Finally, after about another hour and a half, I pack up my stuff and say my goodbyes against the protests of my friends, and drive home totally sober, and really bothered by the situation. Obviously, I'm not going to hang out with these friends any more (at least for a very long time) and I've decided to go alcohol free for a while (mainly because I don't want anyone to be able to doubt my word, just because I was drinking). My questions are: How much of this is my fault? Was it stupid of me to attend a party with out my boyfriend? And, if so, why shouldn't I be able to have the freedom of safety around people who have declared themselves my friends? Am I over reacting to the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 Honestly, it sounds like NONE of it was your fault. As adult human beings, we CAN go out to socialize without it meaning we want to f*ck. There is no reason you can't go out with out your BF, act appropriately and be treated decently in return by your fellow members of society, If all you had was 2 beers, i'm sure you were fine to drive, and it sounds like you even waited a bit before saying your goodbyes. I don't know anything else about your friends and whether they are " good" or "bad" friends, but you dear, did nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 You can't control what others do around you, but you can control your own actions and reactions...And you did just fine! You didn't flirt back, you didn't do anything wrong. I would just forget it and move on... I do however, feel sorry for his girlfriend! I hope she rips him a new a-hole!! He sounds like a real jerk! Link to post Share on other sites
Karina1974 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Well, first of all, if he had grabbed MY butt, I would backhanded him hard and fast, and woe be to him if I had a bottle in my hand because it would have been busted over his head! Second, IMO far too big a stretch is made of the word "friend", and these people are definitely NOT your friends. A friend would not have doubted your word, or taken the guy's side and tried to downplay your experience by saying you were too drunk to know what was going on. If tis guy was a friend he would have kept his behavior completely above board, whether his GF was there or not, and he certainly doesn't respect your relationship with your BF (which means he isn't your BF's friend either). Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 My questions are: How much of this is my fault? From 0% up to 5%. Your fault would be to understimate the depth of human stupidity. Was it stupid of me to attend a party with out my boyfriend? Unless it broke some rule you had set in your relationship, no. Absolutely not. And, if so, why shouldn't I be able to have the freedom of safety around people who have declared themselves my friends? Rethorical question. You know the answer. Am I over reacting to the situation? No, you are not. But I'd advise you to give your friends a chance - just wait a little time to see whether they either apologize or care to investigate further into what happened. Or ask you anything about it. If you are feeling very forgiving, you might discuss what happened with your friends and see whether they are more prone to believe you when they are sober and not in a laid back partying mode. Drunk people often will often be the ones teeling you you have been drinking too much. It's like children having to wear a sweater because mommy is feeling cold. Remind them what happened (if you used to think they were good friends). They might even not remember theirselves. Repeat your version of things. Check reaction. but the host refused to let me leave, saying that I was "too drunk" and besides, that his "girlfriend was lonley sitting by the fire, and you need to keep her company, and enjoy the party!" Sounds like typical assholish drunk reaction of someone who has had a glass too many and whose sensibility is clouded with the fumes of alcohol. I know some great people who become like that when drunk. I got upset, and no one would believe me that this person would do such a thing. They all tried to say I was too drunk to know what was going on (after two beers? I think not!) Either siding up with him (worried to get him in trouble with his gf), or there has been an episode where you drank too much and started talking nonsense (which I doubt:)), or... well, there are people who are *great* at looking like nice guys. They do something mean, people will just refuse to believe them. Manipulative a**holes, they are. I've met a few, got fooled myself. Does he have a reputation for being a great, caring, respectful guy who would never cheat on his gf? Stating the obvious, I totally feel for you ( I can also relate, having been in similar situations) - I hope your friends will apologize to you or anyway prove themselves to be worthy being friends with. They have been jerks, I hope it is not their real selves you got a peek of. Have you known them for long? What kind of people they usually are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author YellowLioness Posted November 12, 2006 Author Share Posted November 12, 2006 First off, thanks for all of your replies! I was actually feeling rather crazy for a while;) The character of the guy that grabbed my butt is to be frank, shady. He used to hit on his other friend's girlfriends all the time, to the point where it was embarrassing. However, he's good at playing the game. He SEEMS like he COULD be a good guy; he's smart, funny, and successful. However, there's this other part of his personality that's like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. So, while I knew there could be potential for disaster, 1) this shady guy has never been down right disrespectful to me before 2) he had a girlfriend there that is more attractive then I am. (I'm not trying to dog myself, but facing facts I'm not your classic view of beauty, as I'm over weight and have short, dark hair. This other girl was thin and blond, and just generally more of the American ideal). All of this was going through my head, and I really didn't expect this guy to act like an jerk. As for my friends, I haven't really known them that long. Recently, I moved from the east coast to the midwest, so I've had to start all over again and make all new friends. Actually, I used to work with the host of the party and also the guy who grabbed me. I thought they were good people. However, when I tried to open a dialogue with them about what happened at the party, the host argued with me in a beligerant manor until I just backed down and did my best to find a less controversial reason to leave the party. Strangely enough, after the incident, the host remained argumentative with me through out the rest of the evening. I had to bring the puppy with me because it would have been too long of a trip for her to stay in her kennel, and the host made fun of my dog all night long. So it wasn't just the grabbing that made the night bad, it was sort of an all around bad time. Once again, thanks for your replies!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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