Problems working with an older female assistant...

[Star Gazer]

As many of you may recall, I am a fairly young (late 20's) female attorney. I recently joined a new firm, but have found myself encountering the same problems with my assistant as I have previously, and I cannot figure out how to fix it. Thing is, I have had two assistants that were older than me (in their late 30's), including my current assistant/secretary, and two other assistants who were younger than me (in their early 20's). With the younger assistants, I didn't encounter any problems with them "talking back" or bossing ME around, being rude, being self-righteous, etc. If they knew something I didn't (such as about local court rules, admin. procedures, etc.) they were friendly and helpful. Not so with the older secretaries/assistants - they are condescending, demanding, bossy, rude...treat me like I am nothing.

 

I know I shouldn't feel this way, as I try to treat every work environment as a "team," but in the heirarchy of things, I am "above them" (for lack of a better phrase only!!), and feel as though I should be receiving more respect from them. I have noticed my secretary even be rude to one of the partners here, who is also younger than her. But as to the older partners, she is respectful. I just don't get it.

 

By nature, I am a "do it myself" kind of person, but there are things that ARE her responsibility and NOT mine, and yet when I ask her for help I feel as though I am walking on eggshells...I get the feeling she doesn't want to do the "smaller" tasks that I ask her to do, as though those tasks are "below" her, and she doesn't want to take instructions from a youngin' like myself.

 

I am not sure what advice I am seeking, but how can I improve this relationship?? Until I GET older myself, this is going to continually be a problem.....

[SoCalCatman72]

I am a fairly young female attorney.

 

Now don't let me get started on the lawyer jokes.........

 

Seriously though I know how you feel. At 27, I was the Chief Financial Officer of a brokerage firm, and I never got any respect from the older brokers (unless I was cutting their paychecks ) I learned that it's a mixture of jealousy and pride. They can't accept the fact that someone younger is more capable of excelling at a career that they have been working on for the better part of a decade. Just ignore them, but do not let them walk all over you.

 

Written reprimands in the personnel jacket do a lot to remind them who is the boss.

[laRubiaBonita]

well, if she is slacking in her duties, it is your Job and responsibilty to the company to say something to her. not a personal attack, but reenforcement of your expectations of her, and that her actions reflect you and the company.

 

if others have also notice her attitude, maybe a team meeting would be helpful, and less of a weird position for you.

 

assistants are a dime a dozen, a GOOD assistant takes a little patience.

 

maybe try a male next time.... if you can.

[Guest]

Thanks for your input.

 

Thing is, she does do her job - and she does it well. We/I can trust that the work she does is accurate and complete...it's just that she does it so...begrudgingly. And I just don't like the way she talks down to me. Somehow our respective ages came up in conversation about a month ago - that's when I noticed the change in her demeanor towards me. Before she knew how old I was (or really, how much younger), I think she thought we were closer in age...and I didn't face any tension with her.

 

So since she's doing the work - AND the bosses think she's great - do I just keep my mouth shut? Tip toe around her? What?

[Star Gazer]

Thanks for your input.

 

Thing is, she does do her job - and she does it well. We/I can trust that the work she does is accurate and complete...it's just that she does it so...begrudgingly. And I just don't like the way she talks down to me. Somehow our respective ages came up in conversation about a month ago - that's when I noticed the change in her demeanor towards me. Before she knew how old I was (or really, how much younger), I think she thought we were closer in age...and I didn't face any tension with her.

 

So since she's doing the work - AND the bosses think she's great - do I just keep my mouth shut? Tip toe around her? What?

[laRubiaBonita]

well, i would eventually snap and call her old bag with a atick up her butt..... maybe do it tactfully.

[SixthSt.Girl]

I interned for a paralegal who is an older woman, and ran into a similar problem. I was hired because the paralegal had too much to handle (she was working 70 hours a week), but she took it as she was incapable of doing her job and was being phased out. She didn't actually say that, but I know she felt that way. She treated me like an annoyance and wouldn't even give me assigments for a long time. It bothered me because here I am just trying to do my job. I also worked for a female manager in sales, and though she wasn't as difficult, she always made me feel like I was stepping on her territory.

 

I'm sorry, but once someone (man or woman) reaches a certain point in her life, she needs to consider slowing down/retiring. People try to push on and do work they probably shouldn't be doing, and take it out on everyone else when they struggle. It's too bad this economy sucks so badly that people can't retire at a decent age any more.