Cupcake Posted November 13, 2005 Share Posted November 13, 2005 At work, I am the youngest and most recently hired employee. My co-workers are all females in their 40s and 50s who have worked for the company 16 to 25 years. I'm 25 years old and I started this job 6 months ago. After I was hired, the company hired another woman who is 54 years old. Her name is Sarah. Our co-workers have welcomed and embraced us. Because of my age, they all treat me like their daughter. I'm okay with that because they also respect the fact that I am mature and obviously capable of having a rather prestegious job. Actually, many of them were my age when they started the job. However, Sarah seems to have a grudge against me. She is always putting me down and reminding me that I'm in the real world and not in high school anymore. Yesturday, she bashed me so much that I couldn't respond to her. I sat at my desk and agreed with everything she said in order to prevent arguing with her. But that made her more upset. She went to the manager crying and requested to have ME relocated to another position. I am frustrated because I never said or did anything disrespectful and rude to her. All I did was continue working and avoid conflict with her by not responding to her horrish words. This has been going on for days now when she would say spiteful things to me and I would just listen and not respond. The manager granted Sarah's request to have me relocated to another area at work. The manager also requested a meeting with me to see why I am causing problems for Sarah. I am soo angry because Sarah is the one who is abusing me. Why am I in trouble? Why did I have to move to another desk? I should have reported Sarah to the manager before. But I was afraid that being a tatle tell would make me look immature, selfish, and mean. Since she cried in front of everyone, she makes it appear as though I've done something terrible to her when actually, I am the one who should be crying. What should I do now. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 13, 2005 Share Posted November 13, 2005 It sounds as if this Sarah woman is extremely insecure. Before we go any further, is Sarah in a position of authority over you? Link to post Share on other sites
Matter Domina Posted November 13, 2005 Share Posted November 13, 2005 I dont understand the situation really. what was the older lady complaining about? What did she say you were doing that made her argue and what reason did she give your boss for wanting to have you transfered if you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted November 13, 2005 Author Share Posted November 13, 2005 It sounds as if this Sarah woman is extremely insecure. Before we go any further, is Sarah in a position of authority over you? By: Matter Domnia I dont understand the situation really. what was the older lady complaining about? What did she say you were doing that made her argue and what reason did she give your boss for wanting to have you transfered if you know? Sarah and I are in equal posistions. In fact, I am equal with all my co-workers. We all have individual responisiblities to do our jobs well. There is no competition for bonuses, ect. Any competition is strictly personal. There is only one manager. Sarah cried and reported that I was being immature by not talking to her. I am surprised the manager didn't even ask for my side of the story. I know the manager respects me and likes me since I was hired by the manager. So I'm assuming the manager granted Sarah's request to relocate me in order to make her stop crying. And the manager knew I wouldn't contest. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 13, 2005 Share Posted November 13, 2005 OK, that helps. I had a similar situation many years ago where I was constantly being berated by a manager. I just kept my mouth shut, but realized soon enough that this manager saw my silence as weakness. So I confronted him, one on one, when no one else was around. "Do you have some sort of problem with me? I don't appreciate you riding my back. If I've done something wrong, then fine, tell me what it is and what needs to be done to correct it. But if it's just personal between you and I, shut the f*ck up because I will not stand for it anymore." It worked. From that day forward, the manager was respectful, clear and forthright in all dealings with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted November 13, 2005 Author Share Posted November 13, 2005 Slubberdegullion, thanks. That helps me a lot. Except, each time she has verbally abused me, we were alone. When we are in front of other people, she doesn't say anything to me at all. It seems that she may have been trying to provoke me into saying or doing something to lose my job. Since I didn't say anything, she really has nothing to report except that I'm immature. And since I'm the youngest person in the entire office, everyone seems to be siding with her, eventhough I've never had problems with anyone else. By crying yesturday, she made it look like I have something against her personally that causes me to be nice to everyone else and mean to her. So they believed her when she went to them crying about me. And now, everyone is treating me differently, like they also don't want to work with me because they are affraid I'll be immature. Seriously, I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 13, 2005 Share Posted November 13, 2005 Once upon a time, people had to provide evidence to back up their accusations. Managers who truly understood human nature and how to manage would never, ever act upon one employee's accusations without talking to the other employee and getting independent verification, if possible, of both sides' stories. Unfortunately for all humans, people seem to now think that one person's word is sufficient evidence to condemn another person. Your manager absolutely should not have moved you without speaking to you. This may mean you are working under a bad manager and that you may have to eventually leave this place. When it comes time to speak to the manager, calmly and reasonably say that you would have hoped that she would have asked you about your coworker's accusations before assuming that you were in the wrong. Then see how she proceeds. If she seems to already think you're at fault, you will probably never recover from this and may have to leave. It can be very difficult to find people, let alone managers, who still believe it's unfair to believe accusations that are not backed up with evidence. Sometimes you have to suck it up, realize it's an untenable situation, and leave. I hope it doesn't come to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted November 13, 2005 Author Share Posted November 13, 2005 Thanks Outcast. I will do exactly as you have advised. It seems logical and very much in line with my personality. Mainly, I try to keep peace in all situations. I don't like arguing. And I don't want to quit my job because I love it and worked very hard to get it. The job doesn't really require associations with co-workers. But it makes it easier when we all get along and enjoy working for the same company. I can't phathom leaving, or being fired simply because someone doesn't like me. Sarah has no right to abuse me. If anyone should leave, it should be her. The only thing I've done wrong is not respond to her immaturity. Somehow, I'm getting blammed for being immature. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 13, 2005 Share Posted November 13, 2005 Sarah has no right to abuse me. If anyone should leave, it should be her. The only thing I've done wrong is not respond to her immaturity. Somehow, I'm getting blammed for being immature. This may all be true, but don't say any of it. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted November 14, 2005 Share Posted November 14, 2005 Actually if it were me, I would thank the manager for moving me - since it would prevent Sarah from berrating me any further. I would then explain that I really did not understand what the issue was - and did not feel that I had actually participated in it. I am fairly certain that your manager probably knows this already - honest to G-d how can a 54 year old woman go crying to a manager about someone ELSE being immature? Crying to one's manager to fix a personality conflict is the height of immaturity! I am sure you will be fine here - just take the high road. Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 14, 2005 Share Posted November 14, 2005 All I can say is you need to stick up for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
cosmogal Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 wow, sarah does sound insecure! but always stand up for yourself. don't hesitate to tell HR about stuff like that. abusive co-workers are the worst, because they're the most emotional, and the workplace is yet the worst of all places to spill out your emotions. i try not to think so much about people's behavior in general in the workplace anymore, I just want to go to work and do my job---and keep my job! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupcake Posted November 30, 2005 Author Share Posted November 30, 2005 I talked to the manager the next day and told my side of the story. I also wrote a friendly letter to Sarah explaining that I want the two of us to be friends and I really don't know what problem she has with me. In my letter, I basically asked her to please tell me why she hates me so much. And I gave a copy of the letter to the manager. I did all this to show the manager how much the situation with Sarah is NOT my fault. A few days later, the manager had a meeting with Sarah and I to settle the whole thing. The manager felt my letter was a mature way to handle it. Without telling Sarah that I'd given a copy to the manager, the manager asked Sarah if my letter made her feel any better. Sarah boldly said no. She told the manager and me that she simply doesn't like me and really doesn't want to like me. Long story short, I'm totally in the clear with my manager. The manager KNOWS that Sarah is the one with the problem. Sarah was written up and is still going through counseling with the manager to deal with her own personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with me. In the end, the manager apologized to me for having to deal with all the drama. And the manager is very proud and impressed with my maturity. Go figure!!! Link to post Share on other sites
anonymous Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I'm so glad for you that it worked out how it did! Link to post Share on other sites
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