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Steps after argument with coworker?


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Old 20th May 2017, 11:14 AM   #1
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Steps after argument with coworker?

When I started my job several months ago, I loved working with my one colleague. However, he started doing things that I felt were disrespectful. For example, when we disagree, instead of us working it out, he always gets a 3rd party involved to take his side. He's also always cancelling meetings at last minute and acting as if my time isn't valuable at all. He doesn't do this to others in the office and I feel his actions are disrespectful. Since he started this, our working relationship has been tense and awkward. We can't even hold a conversation when we run into each other in places like the elevator anymore.

It's been bothering me, so I decided to talk to him about it. Things did not go well at all! I started by apologizing for being standoffish and then went into telling him what's been bothing me. He defended his actions and said he doesn't feel the tension. I told him how he comes across as if he hates working with me and the tension has made me hate working with him lately. I shouldn't have used the word 'hate' and I deeply regret it. I actually loved working with him, but things went downhill and I was just trying to fix it. Now, I feel like I probably made things worse and I'm pretty sure he's going to hate working with me now. Is our working relationship now damaged permanently? Is there anything I can do to rectify the situation?

Last edited by Belle23; 20th May 2017 at 11:22 AM..
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Old 20th May 2017, 2:00 PM   #2
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Isn't there a supervisor you can go to? Everyone, even him, has one. Tell them you feel when you need to resolve something, he weights it towards his side by pulling in an allie, and you never feel the issue is resolved and you need a neutral mediator.
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Old 20th May 2017, 10:44 PM   #3
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I thought it would be best to confront him directly before going to our supervisor.
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Old 21st May 2017, 12:13 AM   #4
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Is our working relationship now damaged permanently?
yes. thats a gonner.

Quote:
Is there anything I can do to rectify the situation?
Not unless the other party approaches you and agrees somehow with what you said to them.

the workplace is not the place where you use strong words (unless you are the supervisor or director).

i would suggest prep your resume and try to get into another department if.when something opens up. it doesnt sound like you two work well together. don't sweat it. this kind of stuff happens. its just a job. not the end of the world.
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Old 21st May 2017, 9:04 AM   #5
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I think it was bad but I don't think this is "prep your resume" worthy.
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Old 21st May 2017, 9:14 AM   #6
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Ignore it. I know that sounds like odd advice. But continue doing your job. Work with him as best you can pretending this never happened.


If this somehow adversely affects your performance, then do polish your resume. Perhaps for your mental health, it wouldn't hurt to look around.
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Old 21st May 2017, 1:33 PM   #7
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I thought it would be best to confront him directly before going to our supervisor.
But you've already done that and it didn't work. So unless regardless of how dismissive he was when you confronted him, he changes in your favor, it will be time to see a boss.
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Old 4th June 2017, 1:47 PM   #8
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Update of some sort. Things are a little better between me and that coworker. However, at a get together outside of the office one of his good friends in the office came up to me and told me that he was a trouble maker and to stay away from him. Mind you, she was drunk, but still. I feel like he clearly said something to her. Should I confront him about it or let it go?
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Old 4th June 2017, 3:34 PM   #9
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Update of some sort. Things are a little better between me and that coworker. However, at a get together outside of the office one of his good friends in the office came up to me and told me that he was a trouble maker and to stay away from him. Mind you, she was drunk, but still. I feel like he clearly said something to her. Should I confront him about it or let it go?


No!

Keep a low profile and observe for behavior in him that backs up what she says. And you stay on your best behavior. No more confrontations.
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Old 4th June 2017, 7:22 PM   #10
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Personally, I wouldn't have confronted him at all. I would never talk to the supervisor as supervisors are busy and hate dealing with this kind of drama. You will only label yourself as difficult to work with.

At work, I am very conflict avoidant. If someone treats me badly, I distance myself from them but am polite and pretend like nothing happened. The only time I would confront/report someone is if there was physical abuse involved or if this person severely affects my performance. If a co-worker is friendly and then acts like he hates working with me - who cares? Don't dwell on it. You are there to work. I also think that "gossiping" with his friends is just unprofessional. Again, ignore and distance. Don't feed the fires of drama.
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Old 4th June 2017, 11:37 PM   #11
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I'm not sure if you work for a big company or not, but typically for the big ones there tends to be an HR person there you can discuss this kind of situation with...or some kind of equivalent person.

My last place I worked at for years and have seen it all. People don't need a reason at all to dislike someone or behave passive-aggressive in a professional environment. Or there may very well be a reason also.

In your shoes I wouldn't know exactly what I'd do as your circumstances can have many factors weighing in. But like others said, it could be a good idea to look at other openings to explore your options. One of the major reasons people leave companies is because of employee discontent in one form or another.

Though if you love your job and your company and you are able to put him with him, in the meantime just play it cool and stay professional. Absolutely no reason to confront each other, most likely it won't do any good if someone already has bad feelings towards you which rarely will change. It'll make you look weak professionally and petty. Let the person play passive-aggressive...I've always believed in karma. And in the end I've always seen it work out.
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Old 5th June 2017, 12:57 AM   #12
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Last time something like this happened to me I took things into my own hands.

I contacted an online recruiter and told her I knew "someone," was perfect for the job she was trying to fill.

Three weeks later that problem coworker gave his resignation and the rest was history.

Looking back I was doing both of us a favor.
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Old 5th June 2017, 1:06 AM   #13
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Last time something like this happened to me I took things into my own hands.

I contacted an online recruiter and told her I knew "someone," was perfect for the job she was trying to fill.

Three weeks later that problem coworker gave his resignation and the rest was history.

Looking back I was doing both of us a favor.

That's brilliant!
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