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Infatuation with co-worker


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Old 9th September 2016, 10:49 PM   #1
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Infatuation with co-worker

I've been working with this attractive young lady for the past 6 years. Over that time we've worked together alot. The supervisor almost always puts us in the same area. We also talked alot and got to know each other good. I can say we're friends. She was married, 'till June of this year. I've never been married or even came close. In June she moved into her own apartment. She's still technically married. When she finally does get divorced, this will be her second one. She says she doesn't want to date anyone, which I don't believe. I believe she wants to date different men casually. 3 weeks ago, I heard she has a male "friend" now. Her neighbor works with us and I overheard him talking to another worker about her and this "friend". I believe they will be more than just friends, unless they already are more than just friends. As soon as I heard this, I got real jealous and heartbroken. For a long while, I had some wishful thinking about her leaving her husband and then dating me. That was a big mistake on my part. It looks like she has something else in mind and I'm not it. How do I forget about her? I still have to work with her. I even told her about what I overheard about her, and said I got jealous. I couldn't hold it in anymore. She didn't like hearing that though. I've been thinking about her nonstop ever since. I came close to asking her out a few weeks ago, but backed-out. This is because we work together. If I had a romantic relationship with her, it would interfere with us working together. We're stuck working together whether we like it or not. I've tried to be moved to another area and will still try to move to another area. Will I ever have the time of day with her? If not, how do I move on?
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Old 10th September 2016, 3:31 AM   #2
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Assumption

Quote:
Originally Posted by ibmclonne View Post
She says she doesn't want to date anyone
Believe her.

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Originally Posted by ibmclonne View Post
which I don't believe. I believe she wants to date different men casually.
You have made this up in your own mind, a fantasy. Stop making assumptions and stop believing the story's you make up.

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Originally Posted by ibmclonne View Post
I had some wishful thinking about her leaving her husband and then dating me. That was a big mistake on my part.
It was, it was a made up fantasy that only existed in our own mind. Stop doing this to yourself, it is delusional.

Stop fixating on this woman just because you work with her. You are doing something very wrong and unfair to her. If you go one step further with this you could be guilty of harassment and liable to be breaking the Law.
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Old 10th September 2016, 1:43 PM   #3
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stay away

Rule number one of dating, dont **** where you eat !
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Old 10th September 2016, 6:47 PM   #4
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Nowty V:

Thanks for your input. I will heed your warnings. I decided to just back-off and forget about her. Johnathanm summed it up in 2 words; stay away. Today at work, I didn't avoid her, however I only interacted with her when I had to and was pleasant about it. We only discuss work.
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Old 10th September 2016, 9:41 PM   #5
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If she is seeing another guy on the side and already had a rapport with you, it could also be a case of not that into you... which, while it sucks, pursuing it further would make it suck a LOT MORE and mess with your work environment.

It will take time, but crushes fade. I wouldn't pursue this one.

Especially if she didn't take well to the jealousy comment.
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Old 10th September 2016, 11:30 PM   #6
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She can't be much of a "catch" if she's already gone through 2 marriages. Try to convince yourself she's damaged goods- which she probably is.
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Old 12th September 2016, 11:20 AM   #7
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Leave it alone, your friend zoned and a coworker.
She doesn't make a move cause she is NOT interested.
Have a social and dating life outside work...it's not professional for one and for two you seem kinda desperate when you already see all the signs she isn't interested. Unrequited love SUCKS but you really need to move on, find a single girl and work too on your self esteem, and your boundaries.
I'm just guessing your one of those guys that will fall hard and fast with any new female attention.
You gotta address your own happiness inside and figure out what your made up of and stop trying so hard to force love.
Get back to work, exercise, get hobbies, focus on your friendships and building your career and being someone who has their own life and interests and is confident and strong not someone who is needy. Women like successful independent men.
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Last edited by privategal; 12th September 2016 at 11:24 AM..
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Old 12th September 2016, 5:59 PM   #8
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She's not at all interested in a romantic relationship with you. She told you she doesn't want to date because she probably knew you were going to try asking her out (women know these things) so she prevented you from embarrassing yourself by telling you she isn't dating. She's just your coworker, so she doesn't owe you anything about her personal life.

Now she's made it clear she was not happy with you persisting even though she told you already. So yes, you have to move on. Why not ask yourself why you still want a woman who has no interest in you. Would you be better off with one who does? And I'm sure there's one out there who does. There's no hope at all there. Tranfer if you can. Otherwise, do what millions of working women have to do every day because men at work are always trying to position themselves to hit on them, and just be mature about it and be polite and professional and stop being personal and do your job and let her do hers. Good luck.
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Old 12th September 2016, 6:34 PM   #9
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OP, the best idea I'm hearing from you is that you'll try to move your work to another area. I assume that means a shift of department or something like that.

Any change would be positive if it means you're no longer working with this woman on a daily basis. Unrequited crushes are hard enough to begin with. Having to see her every day, work with her, and absorb details of her dating life - that's just miserable. It will make for a slow process of getting over it, and it sounds like you've already wasted more than enough time pining for this woman you can't have.

Remove yourself from the situation by all means possible.
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Old 12th September 2016, 10:58 PM   #10
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infatuation with co-worker

Hi everyone:

I thank you for your feedback on my dilemma. It will really help me. As of now, I don't want to receive any more replies on this thread. I'm gonna unsubscribe from this thread.

-ibmclonne
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