LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Business and Professional Relationships

Situation with Doctor


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

Like Tree28Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 25th August 2016, 1:17 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 8
Situation with Doctor

I was treated by a married dr during the course of my pregnancies. During this time the doctor was not shy about letting me know he was interested. The dr has been married 20+ years, he's in his late 40's with two teenage children.

My husband was present at most of the dr visits. I have been married 15 years and am in my late 30s. I kept going to this doctor because he's a specialist and the top dr in my area for the issues I was dealing with.

Whenever he would say something inappropriate or try to find out details about my marriage I would stay quiet. This dr is the 1st male baby dr I have ever seen (and the last). I am not sure if he hits on patients routinely or if he's having a mid-life crisis since he complains about being old and losing his hair. This dr is supposedly a Christian and active in his church which is why I picked him. I feel so sorry for his wife ugh, like I get physically sick thinking of what he's done behind her back.

After a search of his social media accounts, they seem to have a nice relationship, take lavish family vacations ect... Towards the end of my pregnancy I mentioned a religious figure/person that I listen to regularly and he happened to know the person and was very embarrassed about his sustained inappropiate behavior. He thinks I am naive to a certain degree, mainly because he has dumbed me down and I played possum so much just to get through it until the end.

I have a follow up visit, my last visit, with him but I cant pretend he didnt say the things he said just because he's trying to autocorrect after the religious discussion. I dont want to ruin his family by reporting him but what if he is victiming other women. Any thoughts?
Satu likes this.

Last edited by Tigerdawn; 25th August 2016 at 1:22 AM..
Tigerdawn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th August 2016, 1:50 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Lobe's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,044
If a person in a place of public trust is sexually harassing or putting patients at risk this is a breach of the hippocratic oath and is grounds to be barred from practicing medicine. A sexual predator with access to gyno sounds like a f*king nightmare - I am having flashbacks to a movie where the gyno took off his rubber gloves before performing an internal exam... If nothing else, an anonymous report might make his ^@$^&# creeper play it straight. Ruin his family? Thats his problem not yours. If you are 100% sure his advances were fishy, then report him.
__________________
There is no spoon.
Lobe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th August 2016, 9:16 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 495
Report this bastard ! He's abusing his position.


Does your husband know?
Arieswoman and Satu like this.
GoldenR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th August 2016, 9:53 AM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 8
Yes, my husband knows at this point and of course he wants to beat his face in. I can say with 100% certainty that he said and did things that were completely innapropriate. He also used his position to try to discuss my libido when I was not being seen for that purpose. He was interested in seeing me outside of work. Part of me wants to go to the follow-up visit to let him know how horrible its been dealing with perverted ass, I just cant bear the thought of having an exam though now that I have given birth and am no longer pregnant. I do know that not every woman is as strong as I am. He is a true predator, I got to see one up close. He is so manipulative, cunning and of course charming.
Satu likes this.
Tigerdawn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th August 2016, 9:58 AM   #5
Established Member
 
understand50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,239
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerdawn View Post
Yes, my husband knows at this point and of course he wants to beat his face in. I can say with 100% certainty that he said and did things that were completely innapropriate. He also used his position to try to discuss my libido when I was not being seen for that purpose. He was interested in seeing me outside of work. Part of me wants to go to the follow-up visit to let him know how horrible its been dealing with perverted ass, I just cant bear the thought of having an exam though now that I have given birth and am no longer pregnant. I do know that not every woman is as strong as I am. He is a true predator, I got to see one up close. He is so manipulative, cunning and of course charming.
Tigerdawn,

OK time to report him, and if you cannot for what ever reason, then a new doctor. IF this is not possible, have your husband or some other "Close" person (Sister?) go with you. It is good you have brought your husband in, I am sure he has some ideas on how to stop this as well. May be best to let him handle it.

I wish you luck...
__________________
It may not be the most important hole in the world, but I am in it"
understand50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th August 2016, 10:12 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,589
If this is your last visit and you have to go without changing doctors, you need to bring your husband with you. You KNOW you are going to get propositioned in some manner again if you go alone, so why put yourself in that position.

Your husband has to maintain his cool so there is no bailing him out of jail. But a big issue here is if this guy tries to contact you at some time in the future since he has all your contact information.

I think you might want to consult an attorney before you "expose" him to make sure the evidence you have is good enough to withstand a counter complaint against you. Remember, if you are in US, unlike the resto of the civilized world, in civil suits you still have to pay an attorney even if he files to financially harass you.

Good luck whatever you decide.
Friskyone4u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th August 2016, 10:43 AM   #7
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 8
I am not looking to sue him or anything, mainly just report him to the licensing board. I want to make sure he doesnt use his patients as a dating pool. I cant change doctors.before the last exam but going forward I have scheduled an appt with a new female dr.

I dont think the dr will.try to proposition me now after the religious discussion but I have thought of using that visit to tell him how I dont appreciate his behavior. Also, I do have the option to report him anonoumously.

Last edited by Tigerdawn; 25th August 2016 at 10:51 AM..
Tigerdawn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th August 2016, 11:29 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,053
You wouldn't be ruining anything for him; he made the repeated choice to harass and intimidate patients. I would document all of his inappropriate comments and behavior and the dates when they occurred. You can file a complaint with both your state's licensing board and with the medical director at the facility where he practices. Hard to say if he will face a censure or any other disciplinary measures but at least there will be a record of his behavior and it might prevent him from harassing other patients.
Satu and Tigerdawn like this.

Last edited by O'Malley; 25th August 2016 at 11:33 AM..
O'Malley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th August 2016, 2:57 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Arieswoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Cheshire, England
Posts: 3,318
Tigerdawn,
This is a very serious matter.

The Dr in question is probably breaking some ethical rules by not having another female (chaperone) in the room during any examination.

However, only you can decide if you want to report him overtly or not because the fallout will be considerable.

If you have the option to do it anonymously, then that might be an option.
Satu likes this.
Arieswoman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th August 2016, 4:31 AM   #10
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 4
The first moment you notice this behaviour from him, you should have told him rigth away that you dont like what he is doing and want to keep things professionly.

By just being quiet you are enabaling him.

Beside i think there are sure many other dr in your area that you can go to.

If he ddnt stop you should have end the service and seek a new one. And report him.
By keep going to a dr. some one that you have to trust at that level with your body also that is being inappropriate , sound weird to me.

I dont think you should have go talk to others that seem to know him about it while you could have told himself rigth away and it could have end maybe right away.
It could be that this went so far because you ddnt speak up first time. Even thou he shouldn't have done that atall.
Satu likes this.
shinycheek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th August 2016, 4:35 AM   #11
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerdawn View Post
Yes, my husband knows at this point and of course he wants to beat his face in. I can say with 100% certainty that he said and did things that were completely innapropriate. He also used his position to try to discuss my libido when I was not being seen for that purpose. He was interested in seeing me outside of work. Part of me wants to go to the follow-up visit to let him know how horrible its been dealing with perverted ass, I just cant bear the thought of having an exam though now that I have given birth and am no longer pregnant. I do know that not every woman is as strong as I am. He is a true predator, I got to see one up close. He is so manipulative, cunning and of course charming.
If so, you should have report him asap. If you gonna use that last visit for that go with someone else. A friend or so.

And next time dont stay and wait till the 100th time that it happen.
Adress it rigth away!
Satu likes this.
shinycheek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th August 2016, 6:35 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Satu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: LV-426
Posts: 9,466
Journal Entries: 124
His behaviour is highly unethical, and he knows it.

His fitness to practice is compromised.

You should report him.


Take care.
__________________


"We fly to get high."
Satu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th August 2016, 7:35 AM   #13
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by shinycheek View Post
The first moment you notice this behaviour from him, you should have told him rigth away that you dont like what he is doing and want to keep things professionly.

By just being quiet you are enabaling him.

Beside i think there are sure many other dr in your area that you can go to.

If he ddnt stop you should have end the service and seek a new one. And report him.
By keep going to a dr. some one that you have to trust at that level with your body also that is being inappropriate , sound weird to me.

I dont think you should have go talk to others that seem to know him about it while you could have told himself rigth away and it could have end maybe right away.
It could be that this went so far because you ddnt speak up first time. Even thou he shouldn't have done that atall.
I agree with you, I thought that by just ignoring him it would stop. Once we had the discussion about the religious person,towards the end, he did stop.

I was a high risk pregnancy, therefore I was a high liability as well. I transferred to him from someone that had a difficult time managing my health issues. After giving birth I can see things differently, more clearly, without all the hormones. I honestly dont know how I tolerated him, i was just concerned for my health. Going forward, I am scheduled to be treated by a female dr. I just wondered if I should report his behavior so he doesnt do this to other women.
Satu likes this.
Tigerdawn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th August 2016, 7:37 AM   #14
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arieswoman View Post
Tigerdawn,
This is a very serious matter.

The Dr in question is probably breaking some ethical rules by not having another female (chaperone) in the room during any examination.

However, only you can decide if you want to report him overtly or not because the fallout will be considerable.

If you have the option to do it anonymously, then that might be an option.
He does have a nurse present during exams, it's after they leave the room or during routine visits that he's inappropriate.
Arieswoman and Satu like this.
Tigerdawn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th August 2016, 7:40 AM   #15
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by shinycheek View Post
If so, you should have report him asap. If you gonna use that last visit for that go with someone else. A friend or so.

And next time dont stay and wait till the 100th time that it happen.
Adress it rigth away!

I am taking my husband to the visit. I agree with you. There wont be a next time though, no more male providers for me ever.
Tigerdawn is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How to handle situation with doctor's office KikiW Business and Professional Relationships 9 22nd January 2010 7:15 AM
Doctor, doctor give me the news......... basscatcher Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 34 9th June 2006 8:09 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:45 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.