How can I deal with a co-worker that keeps on disparaging me ?

[lordbaelish]

I am not someone that usually retaliates, however this guy at work is provoking me, with his juvenile insults and taunts. He's a very deceitful character, at first he came across as a friendly guy, and then all of a sudden he presents his true nature, what he picks on the most is my social awkwardness, and he does it in front of other colleagues as if to assert dominance over me. I could understand if its a few jokes, I mean I enjoy a good banter, however this guy does it in a malicious manner. I cannot report him to the line manager, because the guy being a sycophant is 'friends' with the manager, and it is likely the manager would dismiss my complaints. So, what would you do if you were in a situation like this ? I mean, although I enjoy the prospect of knocking the fcker on the floor, it's a choice that will jeopardise my career.

[d0nnivain]

You can still report it to the manager.

 

Try this: I know you are friends with [bad guy] but his comments are upsetting & I'm afraid they may be effecting my productivity. I came to work, to work. Can you please get him off my case so I can do the job you are paying me to do?

 

Meanwhile start keeping a log with dates, times & witnesses of every rotten thing he says / does. Document your meeting with the manager in there too.

 

If you don't get action -- he doesn't stop -- take it over your manager's head.

[Auspecial]

I would say something back to him. I understand it might feel hard for you, because it may seem petty and trite, but bullies have their own sense of social awkwardness and you would help him out by calling him out.

 

 

Personally in the past, I would try to insult back in a joking manner, then go to a dig in a non-joking manner.

 

 

These days, I would just go directly to "why did you say that? What is your problem?" "Why are you insulting me?"

 

 

Either way I would still mention to the manager, and also tell the manager that you have directly asked the person to stop, but also needed to let manager know what is going on.

 

 

Document.

[badpenny]

Friendship is friendship, and work is work.

 

The sad lot of any manager is that, no matter how much of a friendship they are able or capable of forging with any member or staff under them, the sad fact remains that every now and then, a manager has to carry a metaphorical 'hitting stick' and be able to separate the friendship from the work ethic.

 

It's a sad fact of life a manager may be friends with everyone, but in the end, cannot be friends with anyone. That's par for the course and a weight of the job.

 

Now, if your Manager is incapable, unable, unwilling or hesitant to either tke your complaint seriously, or deal with the matter in a professional and correct way - then you have every right to take it over his head.

 

As others have said, 'document' everything. Whatever this jerk says to you (don't add commentary or opinion - just log the comment, and any response, as factually as possible) write it down.

Record every incident in writing, who was present and when it was said.

 

Log also, your discussion with the manager, and advise him you have been/are keeping records, because the behaviour is unacceptable. The guy is being a bully.

 

If the manager tells you to laugh it off, or it's all a bit of fun, or don't take it personally, you need to gather your courage together and tell him - calmly and dispassionately - that this is not the way YOU see it, and you would appreciate some kind of support. You want him to deal with the matter, because you feel strongly about it and are quite serious.

 

You do NOT see it as 'blokeish banter' but as intimidation, and you are officially requesting it be handled in a mature and professional manner.

 

Keep a record of everything.

Edited March 6, 2015 by badpenny
typos, spelling.