Galaxy1016 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 In need of some major advice... Im 29 years old and married for 4 years, and have been with my husband for 12 years. I've recently developed a huge crush on a younger co-worker who is 24 and recently single. He knows i am married. I have never been in this type of situation before where i think about this person day and night and cannot get him out of my head.. It feels like its more than just a crush. We both do our share of flirting, but it has not gone beyond that. He has this carefree personality that seems to drive me towards him, not to mention his dirty unshaved, haven't had a haircut all winter look which i find extremely hot! I feel like i just want to tell him how i feel and get it off my chest, but ensure nothing progresses though... Another part of this is, i have slept with one man, my husband (12 years with one guy). So part of me is craving this fling...the other part of me knows its wrong.. I am torn... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 You are an adult, if your marriage is not going well or you have fallen for another man, you tell your husband it is over and you split and divorce, and then you can have as many "flings" as you want and so can he. That is how adults and decent human beings behave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 You're on a path to an affair. If you think that you can just tell him what you feel and ensure nothing progresses then you're kidding yourself. A lot of people say that but they ended in an affair anyway. Think, long and hard about the consequences of what you're going to do. You might lose everything. And for what? So you can slake your lust for a younger, hotter, unshaven man? If you're unhappy with your marriage and you feel that it can't be fix then walk away before you get it on with this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 You are on a slippery slope & you think the grass is greener outside of your marriage. Since you didn't say there was anything wrong with your marriage (ie. your husband isn't abusing you or philandering), you are wrong. It's not better, just different. Listen to a song by Reba McEntire called Is There Life Out There. After you do, think long & hard about whether you want to throw away all the good things in your life for the fantasy of this other guy because this is an all or nothing proposition. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Read this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 if you are "married but crushing" then you are not happy in your marriage. there is something - or, maybe, many things - that this guy is showing you that your husband is not. whether it's attention, new experiences, intelligence, ambition. whatever. you have to identify what this guy is showing that your husband isn't. and you either live with what you've got and sort it out, or you tell your husband you are no longer in the marriage and then get out. you are experiencing the grass is always greener syndrome and you know what? it rarely is. but you don't have an affair, you leave your marriage first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Keep going the way you are and you'll find yourself in such hot water that after all the damage is done, you'll realize that is just wasn't worth all the pain you caused. It will be real hard and maybe impossible to make it right. It's not just your life your screwing around with. Just for the hell of it, how would you feel if the table was turned on you. Think a "I'm sorry" or "forgive me" will lessen the pain? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 In need of some major advice... Im 29 years old and married for 4 years, and have been with my husband for 12 years. I've recently developed a huge crush on a younger co-worker who is 24 and recently single. He knows i am married. I have never been in this type of situation before where i think about this person day and night and cannot get him out of my head.. It feels like its more than just a crush. We both do our share of flirting, but it has not gone beyond that. He has this carefree personality that seems to drive me towards him, not to mention his dirty unshaved, haven't had a haircut all winter look which i find extremely hot! I feel like i just want to tell him how i feel and get it off my chest, but ensure nothing progresses though... Another part of this is, i have slept with one man, my husband (12 years with one guy). So part of me is craving this fling...the other part of me knows its wrong.. I am torn... Not wrong enough to make you stop. Reverse the situation, how would you feel if your husband was lusting and flirting with another woman much younger than him? My guess is, you'd feel hurt, feel jealous and wonder why he feels the need to do that. Ruining your marriage for curiosity, craving a fling, IS NOT worth it. You'll destroy everything in your life as you know it. Your comforts of home, you'll devastate your husband and also you'll become someone you probably do not want to be. A liar, a cheater, a betrayer, you'll go against your vows, feel bad and guilty. If you get caught or your husband finds out, you'll have to face him, your own family, your in laws too. Focus on your husband, detach and STOP flirting with this single guy. Tell him (single guy) that it has to stop and to please respect that you're married. You also need to set boundaries and not cross them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Why don't you ask your husband how he feels about this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Marriage is about deciding not to act on impulsive crushes. But you're free to decide to stop being married at any time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) if you are "married but crushing" then you are not happy in your marriage. there is something - or, maybe, many things - that this guy is showing you that your husband is not. whether it's attention, new experiences, intelligence, ambition. whatever. you have to identify what this guy is showing that your husband isn't. and you either live with what you've got and sort it out, or you tell your husband you are no longer in the marriage and then get out. you are experiencing the grass is always greener syndrome and you know what? it rarely is. but you don't have an affair, you leave your marriage first. Very true. It sounds like an issue that you need to address in your marriage. The desire can also come from only being with one man. Think long and hard if this fling and crush is worth ruining your marriage. I had a similar thing happen to me one time with a coworker and a lot of it came from financial stress in my marriage. After a period of time, those feelings I had for that coworker went away and I am glad nothing happened as it would have been a terrible mistake as things are going much better with my husband now that the financial stress is much lower. Ruining what we have would have been a huge mistake. Edited February 2, 2015 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
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