Poonam Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 Hi All, I am 27yrs old female happily married for 2 yrs now. There is this guy at my work , who everybody hated due to his arrogant and rude behavior. But in the last 6-8 months he has made efforts to change his attitude towards everybody and no one ever accepted him in the work place. We have to work really close together on a day to day basis. So I had to give him a chance work with him and things just changed I started falling for him , liking him, wanting to spend more time with him.... He was isolated by the whole office and I supported him like crazy... He started taking me out on coffee, lunchs, dropping me home, caring for me and even listening to me. We text each other all day in office , talk all day but only on work related stuff. We never touched each other or even crossed our professional limits. The problem now is I like him, i want him, i like all the attention and the time I spend with him. But then when i compare it to my hubby who loves me like crazy and his world revolves around me I don't think its worth going down that path. I love my husband and I like this person. Lately people in our office people have noticed our chemistry and have rumors have started about us. I was upset over it but he was really a gentleman and said that if it causes any problems in your personal life he would stop doing anything that hurts me. But he did mention he doesn't have a girlfriend..... I just have two question - Does this guy really like me or just being nice to me? How to overcome a strong crush like this? thanks heaps... never knew a crush could make you crazee... Link to post Share on other sites
grassisorisntgreener Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 Hi All, I am 27yrs old female happily married for 2 yrs now. There is this guy at my work , who everybody hated due to his arrogant and rude behavior. But in the last 6-8 months he has made efforts to change his attitude towards everybody and no one ever accepted him in the work place. We have to work really close together on a day to day basis. So I had to give him a chance work with him and things just changed I started falling for him , liking him, wanting to spend more time with him.... He was isolated by the whole office and I supported him like crazy... He started taking me out on coffee, lunchs, dropping me home, caring for me and even listening to me. We text each other all day in office , talk all day but only on work related stuff. We never touched each other or even crossed our professional limits. The problem now is I like him, i want him, i like all the attention and the time I spend with him. But then when i compare it to my hubby who loves me like crazy and his world revolves around me I don't think its worth going down that path. I love my husband and I like this person. Lately people in our office people have noticed our chemistry and have rumors have started about us. I was upset over it but he was really a gentleman and said that if it causes any problems in your personal life he would stop doing anything that hurts me. But he did mention he doesn't have a girlfriend..... I just have two question - Does this guy really like me or just being nice to me? How to overcome a strong crush like this? thanks heaps... never knew a crush could make you crazee... I am in the midst of an affair at work. Don't do it. Especially if you really like him. My life is spiraling out of control. What I used to think was so fun and even "funny" has turned so completely sour. I am head over heels in love with this other man...and I live in fear my husband will find out everything. I think he probably does really like you, you could be everything he is looking for and more... try to think of your husband first. I didn't... and it's just so bad right now. My other man has a gf who found out, and as of this week knows who I am. I am in knots waiting for the day she tells my husband (I haven't gotten the courage to)... I'd love to say "try it out! maybe it will be awesome!" but I just can't Link to post Share on other sites
steppero Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 I am on the other side. I really like this married woman at work, and from all indications she really likes me too. I'm not sure if it's on the same level but she gives me all the signs. We get on really well, when we always talk she stares deeply into my eyes curling her hair ect ect. I think she just likes the attention from another guy. She might be bored with her husband, and that's probably what you feel. If you start anything i would say break up with the husband first. Better to do that then go out and cheat and have him find out, it will make it 1000 times worse Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 You are treading on some very dangerous ground. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 you have to stop seeing him and go no contact....remember how your husband feels about you envision your husbands face when you are tempted envision him standing next to you looking at you with love.........and simply walk away from who you are tempted with because no other man is worth ruining what you already have.....rejoice in the fact your husband loves you so much ...his world has you as its center......best wishes for a long and happy marriage....an erternal one for you..........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 Stories like yours are very common in this forum and appear from time to time. Those who came here before it's too late and listened to the 'No, never' found solace and saved themselves from great pain. I have nothing different from other posters to tell you. When it comes to love, relationships, sex, we are not as immune as we think, no matter how happy your marriage is. When I (married) developed feelings for a married co-worker I decided to 'feed the fantasy' without crossing any limit. No emotional or physical cheating happened, yet the end and break up was painful. I lost a very good friend and thankfully not my family. If you continue feeding this I can warrant you one thing. "Pain" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 If it helps, try to remember how rude and arrogant this guy "used to be". Leopards don't change their spots. Maybe you're attracted to that bad boy part of him. Go home and find out what is lacking there, or do your husband the favor of divorcing him before you go down this slippery slope. Ironic that this is posted under "Business and Professional Relationships". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poonam Posted June 29, 2013 Author Share Posted June 29, 2013 Ok firstly thanks all for your reply and useful advice. Some more background on my story I am an Indian girl settle in Australia and this is guy is an American settled in Australia .... Yes I don't want to go down the path of divorce or even feed my emotional feelings in a wrong way.... All I wanted was to know if he likes me and just that all you know I cant imagine leaving my husband. I owe everything in my life to him, he is awesum in every way .. v r happily married and he has given me everything I ever wanted. He this is guy is adamant , a bit rude, possessive but that's just his personality he has a soft side where he cares for people, talks and also an emotional side which I have seen when people outcast him. I am trying to actually avoid , ignore him and be really professional to him for the last few days and he commented over a coffee break so u r trying to ignore me.... and guess what you are doing it well..... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Why worry if he even likes you or not? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poonam Posted June 29, 2013 Author Share Posted June 29, 2013 Being married for 2 years now and being with my husband for almost 6 years, It was just feeling like -Stuck in a Rut... Suddnely this guy started giving me attention, we became friends starting talking about stuff... The best part was our ideologies which were so similar and it just clicked..... We both are very ambitious, hardworking , smart, talented and have so similar ideas.... I just wanted to know what he was thinking.... Anyways I think after reading so many posts in this forum I have calmed down , my drive to c him, meet him, talk to him is suddenly decreasing.... I am also planning to take a holiday with my husband and spend more time with him.... Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Be away from the collegue at least for some time. Once you start contacting him without your husband knowing and once you discuss stuff that you are not comfortable if your husband hears it, emotional cheating begins. So don't be that woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Col1 Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 (edited) Agree. Emotional affairs can be very damaging to a marriage. just feeling like -Stuck in a Rut... Couples counseling is a way to work on the marriage. Edited June 29, 2013 by Col1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Being married for 2 years now and being with my husband for almost 6 years, It was just feeling like -Stuck in a Rut... Suddnely this guy started giving me attention, we became friends starting talking about stuff... The best part was our ideologies which were so similar and it just clicked..... We both are very ambitious, hardworking , smart, talented and have so similar ideas.... I just wanted to know what he was thinking.... Anyways I think after reading so many posts in this forum I have calmed down , my drive to c him, meet him, talk to him is suddenly decreasing.... I am also planning to take a holiday with my husband and spend more time with him.... I think if you feel stuck in a rut with your spouse what can you do to shake things up (in a good way)? I highly recommend reading: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love Amir Levine (Author), Rachel Heller (Author) Link to post Share on other sites
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