Co-worker pushed my professionalism to the limit

[JaneInVegas]

I need to rant a little, since I can't do that at work. But also, I would like some input please.

 

I work in a physically small office with 6 other ladies. Unless someone whispers, everyone can hear virtually everything someone else says. We all get along very well as professional co-workers, we have no drama, no issues.

 

So the other day I came into work, and as I walked past everyone's desk I noticed that everyone had a nice, eloquent bouquet of roses. Everyone had different colors, and pretty crystal vases. I had no idea who had done this, but I was looking forward to seeing what colors I was given. My desk was empty. I thought nothing of it, it was only 8am and probably the person wasn't finished giving them out ... or whatever. Dozens of different scenarios.

 

In a short while I discovered who had given out the roses, while she giving out more to people in our same building. She was ecstatically expressing how beautiful her rose garden was in her new home that she moved into a month ago. Now, I'm not the type of person to walk up to someone and say, "Hey. You forgot me. Can I have some of those?" Personally I think that would be tacky and rude. I was raised that if you're going to share, share with everyone, and so it falls on the giver's shoulders to make sure no one is left out. Perhaps she deliberately chose not to give me some, and that would be okay with me. I'm not 3 years old anymore. Throughout the day she endlessly passed out roses (she must have a 10 acre backyard stuffed with rose bushes!) and she never offered me any.

 

Repeat this 5 times. Five days in a row she was the rose peddler, gushing over her roses in a very grandiose manner. She never even mentioned the word "rose" directly to my face. Until the 5th day. It was Friday just before 5:00pm, and she was lamenting that she had leftover roses and didn't know what to do with them. She said, "I don't want to just throw them away!" I heard her footsteps walking down to my cubicle and I braced myself, wondering what I would say.

 

She said, "Would you like to take some roses home with you?" I looked up from my computer and saw her holding 3 limp, wilted roses, the buds bent over so far they were almost touching the stems. I immediately thought of the 1st day's delivery of flowers, beautiful bouquets in crystal vases, all beautifully arranged by color and size. I had an Ally McBeal moment where I imagined her laying on the floor with her butt up in the air, making an eclectic vase. Mentally I had a grim battle between being professional, and letting her know how I felt with total abandonment. I cherish our anti-drama office, and I'm up next for a promotion, so I took the high road. I thanked her nicely with a smile and said 'no thank you'. She looked at me like I was from Mars. "Are you SURE?" I smiled once again and said "No, but thank you."

 

The next Monday she told someone I snubbed her, and she was upset by that.

 

So my question is directed to those who strive hard to keep things professional in the office and avoid drama - what would you have said to her standing there with 3 pathetically wilted roses? Would you have said the same thing I did, or would it have put you over the top and said something snarky?

[january2011]

You did well. It seems obvious that she deliberately left you out and continued her little game by offering you dying roses.

 

I think that you should continue to take the high road and let your professionalism shine through. She doesn't like you and had to make a big scene to show you that she didn't like you. She was hoping to rely on people's tendency not to complain and make you accept her disgusting gift. You did the right thing, in my opinion.

 

I wouldn't get involved in the office gossip but I'd keep my ear to the ground - she sounds like she could be a troublesome sh*t-stirrer.

 

Where is this woman in the organisational structure? Is she competing with you for the same promotion?

[JaneInVegas]

She is on the same exact rung on the corporate ladder that I am. I suspect that she applied for and interviewed for the same promotion, but I do not know for sure.

 

Ever since this happened I've played out a lot of different scenarios in my head, but I agree with you, I think I did exactly the right thing. Sometimes it's really, really hard to overcome anger and resentment, and that awful feeling of being deliberately dissed.

 

Her actions and attitude screamed of a kindergartner. We've shared the same office space for about 6 months, and I've never seen this side of her before.

[RemiHoney]

Her actions sound deliberate. Period.

 

You did the right thing in refusing those flowers, a symbol of her BS. ^_^

 

In fact, I'm going to make the suggestion that the next time she chooses to do something like this that involves the exclusion of you - you pay her no mind. You'll know that will be working when she has to outright come up to you and directly see a reaction.

 

And you'll know what type of reaction she is looking for and the best thing you can give her is the opposite with as much innocence granted. She's probably jealous and her apparent actions are unwarranted if you've done nothing to harm her in any way. Let it crash down on her, it's her problem, not yours.

 

P.S. Best thing is to stay on good footing with the other co workers and not badmouth her in any way. Best to stay away from her jabs and see it as childish.

[Standard-Fare]

This post was truly hilarious. Thank you for that.

 

You did the right thing, and now you have a very funny story to share about your unhinged coworker. And zero wilted roses. So, you win.

[SpiralOut]

I am laughing at how silly your coworker is. You did exactly the right thing. I'm guessing she was pushing to get a reaction out of you so she would have something bad to say about you (which she did anyway when she couldn't make you snap). Anyone who has their head on straight could see what she was doing. Kudos to you for keeping it professional!

[Maleficent]

She is on the same exact rung on the corporate ladder that I am. I suspect that she applied for and interviewed for the same promotion, but I do not know for sure.

 

Ever since this happened I've played out a lot of different scenarios in my head, but I agree with you, I think I did exactly the right thing. Sometimes it's really, really hard to overcome anger and resentment, and that awful feeling of being deliberately dissed.

 

Her actions and attitude screamed of a kindergartner. We've shared the same office space for about 6 months, and I've never seen this side of her before.

 

You were professional. She wasn't.

Don't let that phase you.

[Zapbasket]

Wow, her behavior was...unbelievable. The lengths people go to to communicate their aggression--and the willingness they exhibit to relinquish any and all dignity! You were commendable in your response to her. I wouldn't give any of it another thought; if your other coworkers are as "drama-free" as you believe they are, then they, too, will have quietly noticed her behavior and quietly, and maturely, decided to ignore it as the childish exhibit it was.

[Fugu]

I f*cking hate people like that. I hope she burns in hell. You're more graceful than I would have been, which is good. You really kept it cool. Just be no drama. I think that people can actually see character in the end. The fact that you found out about your 'snub' probably means that they trusted you enough to tell you; it would be more worrisome if you didn't know about it until much later. But someone clearly felt you should know. I bet others see her for who she is, and you for who you are.

[PutARingOnIt]

that was childish and petty of her. you handled it well, though. she was probably astonished and bewildered when you acted in a professional manner. lol

[youdunsay]

chill chill. some co-workers are as such. ignore plainly.

[johan]

By not accepting the roses, you missed the opportunity to leave the flowers sticking out of the gas tank on her car, lit on fire.

[2sure]

Anyone who has worked locked in an office with a bunch of women has experienced a scenerio similar to this. It's just bull shyte. Don't make their petty unprofessional games as important to you as they are to them.

 

Me, I would have asked. Hey Shirley, the flowers you've given everyone are so beautiful! How can I get on that list?

 

Bring it right out in a friendly laughing jokey way. It puts it on her. It makes her look foolish.

 

You did the right thing too.

[HokeyReligions]

I'm afraid I would have snarked. I would say as sweetly as possible " thank you so much but I really do appreciate you remembering that I have allergies. I know the others really loved the attention and I enjoy seeing people share things they love with others. Your roses brightened the whole office this week. Now if you happen to have an orange tree..." and I would chuckle and smile.

 

Of course I would make sure everyone heard. If I could do a good fake sneeze I would have thrown that in too.

 

---I'm throwing virtual roses your way

[green_tea]

Anyone who has worked locked in an office with a bunch of women has experienced a scenerio similar to this. It's just bull shyte.

 

It doesn't even take an office full of women - just one insecure one. I work in a male dominated field, before I started in my current job there was one woman only in the team I joined..she is so sneakily bitchy it's not even funny...things like asking everyone else if they want coffee, except me, basically asking everyone if they want anything, except me. The guys don't even see it because of how friendly and 'sweet' she is to them. I can't wait to leave this job and leave her to enjoy the limelight of once again being the only woman, as I suspect that is what it is.

 

Anyway well done to OP for handling the situation so well. I'm trying to do the same.

[LovesHangover]

Seems to me that you passed the test of your prodessionalism and beat her at her own childish game. Respectfully saying no thank you let her know that she hasn't gotten to you. She may keep trying. Continue to act as if it doesn't bother you. Document her antics:Date, time, location, incident, any witnesses. This may be useful for a workplace bullying claim.

[LovesHangover]

I shared your story with my grandmother.

 

Her response: I would have taken the flowers and said oh thank you so much while throwing the flowers in the trash as she stood there. OMG!

 

Thank God she's retired! She would keep up the drama...

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I'm afraid I would have snarked. I would say as sweetly as possible " thank you so much but I really do appreciate you remembering that I have allergies. I know the others really loved the attention and I enjoy seeing people share things they love with others. Your roses brightened the whole office this week. Now if you happen to have an orange tree..." and I would chuckle and smile.

 

Of course I would make sure everyone heard. If I could do a good fake sneeze I would have thrown that in too.

 

---I'm throwing virtual roses your way

 

This was exactly my thought went I read your post!

[Radu]

She is on the same exact rung on the corporate ladder that I am. I suspect that she applied for and interviewed for the same promotion, but I do not know for sure.

 

Ever since this happened I've played out a lot of different scenarios in my head, but I agree with you, I think I did exactly the right thing. Sometimes it's really, really hard to overcome anger and resentment, and that awful feeling of being deliberately dissed.

 

Her actions and attitude screamed of a kindergartner. We've shared the same office space for about 6 months, and I've never seen this side of her before.

 

I don't think she's even aware of what she did fully.

More something done out of instinct than out of conscious spite.

 

That being said, she doesn't like you, and i agree with the one who said she is an office bully.

If she gets the promotion, and becomes your boss, i would deffinitely start sending resumes.

[Fugu]

By not accepting the roses, you missed the opportunity to leave the flowers sticking out of the gas tank on her car, lit on fire.

 

Dude, you're totally the Michael Corleone of Loveshack. I'm afraid I'm Sonny. Too hot-headed for my own good. :laugh:

[denxnis]

I would go out and buy myself the biggest bouquet of flowers and the largest vase possible and put it on my desk. Then when she brings up her flowers, which I'm sure she will, I would say something along the lines of, "oh you were passing out flowers? I didn't even notice."

[Fugu]

It just wouldn't be America if you weren't working in an office full of sharks. I swear, corporate America f*cking sucks - doesn't matter what product is being pimped. I am hoping to go mostly out on my own by year's end, and with any luck, I'll be only marginally dependent on others for my income in a year's time.

[Wellington]

Isn't she just a little treasure. You handled it with class. I would have been super nice and complimented everyone else's flowers and when they ask what kind you received, I would have let them know I didn't receive any, followed by a "oh well, she must not like me" followed by a lighthearted laugh.

 

Seriously though, people who stir the s*#t pot should be made to lick the spoon!!!

[Follower]

Honestly i believe people struggle with what being professional means.

 

I think you handled yourself very reservedly, so congratulations.

 

On the other hand i am a very open and honest professional in that i would of happily said as you did "no thank you"

 

On the flip side of the coin i would of also had a quiet word with her once i heard about the "snubbing comment" laying out exactly to her what the meaning of professionalism is, and its not bitching or making assumptions about peoples actions.

 

You did the right thing, don't let her childish behavior do anything but elate yourself in your own ability to carry yourself in a professional manner, that gets noticed trust me, and her actions will have been noticed as well.

[will1988]

Anyone who has worked locked in an office with a bunch of women has experienced a scenerio similar to this. It's just bull shyte. Don't make their petty unprofessional games as important to you as they are to them.

 

Me, I would have asked. Hey Shirley, the flowers you've given everyone are so beautiful! How can I get on that list?

 

Bring it right out in a friendly laughing jokey way. It puts it on her. It makes her look foolish.

 

You did the right thing too.

 

Being a 25 year old, polite and professional caucasian male surrounded by middleaged african american women (I am by no means the only male in the office, just my little corner of my floor) i agree with what you are saying. They are all always so nice to me, they love me... they will tell me all of their drama about the other coworkers... real catty stuff. I'm here to work (or be on LS as of late) not to get involved in work drama. So I just sit there and nod my head. sigh.

 

OP

 

I agree with the other commenters, what you did was correct. My office does not hold parties for holidays or birthdays etc... the only time we get anything remotely close to that is lots of free food the last week or two of the fiscal year when we work 60+ hour weeks. However, every christmas this group of co-workers holds a f*ing banquet, that they cater etc... but they never ask anyone else if they want to join in. It ticks me off, because the food looks amazing, but I was not invited and do not have food to contribute (although I guess next year i could make something and bring it, but that would be awkward). So I just learned to let it roll off of my back like water off of a duck and keep it to myself.