Annoying EX co-worker is getting married

[snaptoit]

Recently, I transferred from one job to another within the same company, but at a different location. I left my old job for many reasons, such as the position I was in lacked growth opportunities, and I wanted more of a challenge. Besides these important reasons, lower on my list was leaving due to another co-worker on my team, who made the job more and more unlikeable each day. I've worked many jobs and met many people in my life, but this girl was the epitome of poor co-workers. She would do ANYTHING to make herself look good, and promote herself, except for do actual work, she would constantly leave tons of work for me, and push things off on other people, while she was busy kissin gup to all the bosses. If you told someone about it, they would go super lenient on her, and she would go back to her old ways in a day.

 

Anyway, while I worked with her, I remained very civil with her and tried to ignore the fact she was one of the most annoying human beings on the planet. We would talk, and occassionally go to lunch as a group, but that was the extent of it. When I got this new position, she was extremely jealous, and kept prying me for information, such as how much of a raise is it, how much of a promotion is it, etc. I would not reveal, and just tried to keep the peace and encourage her that she will have an opportunity for a promotion soon. Truth of the matter is, it was an excellent promotion with an excellent raise, and people among the office I used to work with found out through my supervisor (BIG MOUTH). I heard from one of my ex co-workers that she is telling everyone I am making tons of money now.

 

I have not ever been really close to this girl, and she is getting married this year. All of the sudden, I get an invitation to her wedding shower, and most likely will get one to her wedding. I feel bad because it is her wedding and all, but I DO NOT feel like going to her wedding, or wasting my money getting her a gift (when I have a bunch of family events coming up this year that I would rather use the money on). I think it is one of these deals where her parents are paying for it, and she is inviting everyone imaginable...EVERYONE FROM MY OLD OFFICE, and their mother!

 

I don't even feel like calling and RSVPing in case I have to talk to her. What would be the right thing to do. My sister said just send a card for the shower, and say I am not attending, and for the wedding as well. I do not feel right about giving money for a wedding, or a present for a wedding of a person I don't like! BTW- I got married two years ago, and I did not invite her to my wedding because I wasn't close to her. I remember getting just a card from those who couldn't attend, without any presents, and I didn't mind at all(at least they gave me a card, and remembered me, that is the way I look at it). But, since we still offically work for the same company, would this be bad???? If I just sent her a card and present, and did not talk to her personally, would this be bad? What should I do?

[quankanne]

I'm not sure, but I think shower gifts are optional, as are wedding gifts. My rule of thumb is that if it's not close family or friends, I'll just send a nice card with a polite note wishing the couple/graduate/birthday person well, period.

 

If I'm not able to attend the wedding for whatever reasons, I'll RSVP (mail, phone, however requested on the invite) and say "I'm unable to attend." Period. You don't owe her any special courtesy than a polite card since she's someone you're close to.

 

As for the past incidents, put them out of your mind, it's not worth driving yourself nuts over. Be well-mannered, yes, but don't make yourself do something you normally wouldn't do just because it's the office gossip/backstabber who's the main character in this scenario. If she has a problem with it, then let HER worry about it -- you did your part according to Dear Abby and Miss Manners ... and The Quank, too!

[A Thought]

Whew! That's a dilemma.

 

I think that kindly and politely replying that you will be unable to make the bridal shower is perfectly acceptable. Is it a surprise? Because if it is, chances are that you will not have to talk to her if you call to RSVP. However, I DO think you should RSVP one way or the other. It comes down to manners, whether you like the person or not.

 

Secondly, have you actually received an invitation to the wedding? I know what custom used to be, however, it seems that is not being followed as much in the modern weddings of today. So, it is highly possible that she is not inviting you. (That is not meant to be ignorant, just something I have observed.) I don't think you should feel obliged to go, especially if you never had any "close" connections with this co-worker. Merely RSVP and kindly express your regrets. If you do so in an appropriate time frame, they will not have to spend money on your meal etc.

 

With regard to the gift, if you are not going...it seems to me that sending a nice congratulatory card with a brief note saying "best wishes" (or something of that nature) is highly acceptable. However, do not refuse to RSVP completely, that is in bad taste. Plus, if you have to continue working with this woman on any level you may want to try to keep relationships civil, even if you do not feel overly friendly towards her.

 

My suggestion basically is that you should not feel obliged to attend any of the functions in relation to her wedding. Especially if you do not feel like you have a close friendship with her. HOWEVER, do not be rude because in the long run that may reflect more on you then it does on her. Also, she may be the type of person that will spread it around (just from what you said). So, don't give her opportunity to do that.

 

Those are obviously just my opinions, but I'd be as diplomatic as possible!

AT

 

P.S. Quank said it well also!

[SoleMate]

Just decline politely, in writing, any event which you are invited to and do not wish to attend. You can add, "Best wishes on your marriage", if you want to be gracious. That's ALL you need to do. Then quit thinking about this person.

 

What an easy question!