Intimidating, obnoxious, arrogant, condescending coworker...HELP!

[ann nonnimus]

Will try to keep this short.

 

I'm in a relatively new area of my profession, went back to school to do this, and have been doing it for a year. A few months ago, came a new coworker..who is sort of our "team leader" so although she's a coworker, she's also a superior in some respects.

 

She is an a$$-kisser with management and is sickeningly sweet to the clients she deals with, trying to come across so "sweet and kind"....an example: she constantly calls clients "sweetie" or "hun" or "sweetheart" (which I find majorly unprofessional).

 

We have very strict policies and procedures to follow in our department. She is not one for doing this, and she's arrogant about letting everyone know she "uses her own judgement" on most things. The thing is, in her past, she always had jobs in which she was the only person there...so I get the impression that she got away with "doing her own thing" and not having to answer to anyone.

 

Did I mention that she's a very tall, very LARGE person, who's intimidating just based on that.

 

I am still learning a lot in this new area of my career but I am no dummy and I do my job well, and I always ask questions if I'm not sure of something.

 

She has a real condescending way about her, especially when she has an audience...I can't even explain it.

 

One of the bad things is...she's very very good friends with "our" supervisor. She lets it be known that her and our supervisor do things socially outside of work, which frankly I feel is unprofessional on several accounts. First of all, myself and another girl who don't care for her ways, we know it would be pointless to speak to our supervisor about her demeanor and the way she arrogantly breaches policies and "does her own thing" because they're "buddies". I have a problem with this because you should be able to go to your supervisor if you're having a problem with a coworker..but in this case, they are tight, like white on rice. It would be pointless.

 

Secondly, I don't think upper management and lower management should be socializing like this....because to me, it's a conflict of interest....and leads the rest of us to believe that this woman can get away with anything.

 

Today, after this woman (coworker) made me feel stupid about a question I'd asked (which wasn't a stupid question at all), I spoke with her..and explained that I am still learning and while I value her input, I hope she doesn't think I am stupid..this is all a very new area to me and I'm more the type to follow the policies...whereas, she is more the type to "use her discretion" and do whatever she feels is right. She basically admitted to me that yes, in her past jobs, she was (and I quote) "the c*ck of the walk"....so I guess this expression of hers gives you an idea just how arrogant she is.

 

I have very high expectations for myself. She likes to tease me that although I'm great at my job, I need to "relax" and have more confidence. Today as we spoke, I ended up in tears because I am just sensitive that way, and I was explaining to her that changing to a new area of my career, after being in a different area of it for years..and now feeling like I'm starting all over, is rather "humbling".....and it's sometimes tough for me, because I used to be at the top of my game in the other area I worked in. (it was my choice to go into this current area, which is lower management). I tried to explain to her that I may not feel the "freedom" to overlook the policies and "do my own thing" as she does because I'm new at this, and that I believe policies are there for a reason, and as the new person on the block, I want to follow the rules.

 

She'll likely go and tell our upper management supervisor that I'm an overly sensitive suck who cries easily, and who lacks confidence. I don't. But upper management has likely no idea how she just "does her own thing" and doesn't follow the policies a lot of the time. Of course I'm not going to be the one to tell them.

 

Does any of this make sense? Because she is so "tight" with our manager, I'm almost afraid to even consult with her about things (as all of us do in our job, with one another)...because I think she resents me somewhat because I'm a lot younger and in a lot better shape......because I feel that anything I tell her or ask her, she's going to mention to our manager.

 

There have been times when she's mocked me openly for my being so insistent on following the policies....but my fear is that if I don't, how would i ever have a leg to stand on down the road if my not doing so comes into question?

 

Thanks

[dyermaker]

Avoid the manager, and go straight to human resources. Begin documenting the date and time of specific evidence. You *can't* be the only one who gets pissed off at this gal, right?

[reasontosigh]

Dyer's right..HR will have to get involved with this.

 

I do have one question: Does she deal with clients in person or over the phone?

 

she constantly calls clients "sweetie" or "hun" or "sweetheart" (which I find majorly unprofessional).

 

The reason I ask is that if it's by phone, calls are almost always monitored - so I'm sure your QA department (Quality Assurance - most larger companies have them) will find it very unprofessional too. So she can expect to hear from them as well.

[ann nonnimus]

I would likely lose my job if I didn't follow the proper "chain of command" in reporting this. So no, going to HR without first going to "our manager" would be disasterous. As well, it would make working there more miserable. In addition, I'm in a part time position as that is all that was available. I need full time hours, so I'm able to pick up extra days of work that are usually close to full time. If I stirred waves, I'd likely kiss my chances of getting extra work goodbye.

 

Actually the only other person who sees what I endure and who doesn't have any use for her either, is one of the clerical people. She's just biding her time til she can find another job.

 

The other coworker we have, her and THIS one are best buddies, too.

 

To be truthful, it's an industry I guess where most of the women are older. I get the sense that they look down somewhat on us younger ones and think we're just silly and don't know much.

 

However, if you're going to suggest I find another job, I am definitely looking and have been. Problem is, this is one of the highest paying jobs around and to work elsewhere, I would take a very very significant cut in pay, one I wouldn't be able to survive on.

 

In the past, I have never had a problem speaking up for myself, and if I felt a coworker wasn't cutting the mustard or wasn't doing their job properly or was rude or difficult to work with, I wouldn't have thought twice about going to the next chain of command to discuss it. But in this instance, like I said, the next chain of command is buddies with this coworker. And this coworker takes every opportunity to brag to all of us how great of friends her and our manager are, and such.

 

I feel kind of stuck.

[ann nonnimus]

Originally posted by reasontosigh

Dyer's right..HR will have to get involved with this.

 

I do have one question: Does she deal with clients in person or over the phone?

 

 

 

The reason I ask is that if it's by phone, calls are almost always monitored - so I'm sure your QA department (Quality Assurance - most larger companies have them) will find it very unprofessional too. So she can expect to hear from them as well.

 

It's over the phone and in person, when the clients come to our office. Sometimes it takes all I have not to grab the garbage can and hurl because of all the "sweetie" "honey" talk. I'm sure she means well by using these terms of endearment, but I personally am one who finds such talk unprofessional and in some ways, patronizing.

 

And where we work, no, the calls are definitely not monitored. Hell, if upper management was aware of this, knowing how they are and how they think she's the cat's a$$, they would probably coo and say "aww, isn't she such a caring person."

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by ann nonnimus

I would likely lose my job if I didn't follow the proper "chain of command" in reporting this. So no, going to HR without first going to "our manager" would be disasterous.

That's stupid, look into company policy and see if you're correct. One of the reasons HR departments exist is so that you can report indiscretions of your supervisers. See if you can go to HR--See if you can get other people to go with you. Go with documentation. You can't lose your job for what you've done thus far.

 

If you truly don't want to make waves, you shouldn't. You should see this as the cross you bear for working with disagreeable people. I wouldn't do it, I'd go to HR, but I have no experience, and so my empirical evidence is sorta limiting my advice.

[brashgal]

Okay, remember the cardinal rule - never let them see you cry - it happened once, it won't happen again because this kind of gal feeds on weakness and you are too smart to sabotage yourself by doing so. I wouldn't confide in her that you are feeling humbled, etc. I'd ask for guidance only when necessary and I'd be matter of fact and to the point. Don't use the word stupid or any other word that carries pejorative overtones.

 

Number two - continue to follow procedure, you are correct in assuming that if something goes wrong, you won't have a leg to stand on. Not following proper procedure will likely be her undoing.

 

Either that or calling people sweetie and honey will as it can be construed as sexual harassment. Eventually someone is going to take offense and report her. I'm hoping it's a good powerful client who has some clout to get her fired.

 

You will run into people like this throughout your career. Unless they are doing something that is hurting job performance and can be tied back to them, they continue to be a thorn in your side. I'd try not to take what she does or says too personally unless it somehow becomes a reflection on you. As much as it probably turns your stomach, find things she does do well that can be useful to you. See what you can learn from her. You don't have to become friends but you can get along.

 

Regarding levels of management socializing. This happens everywhere too. Many times people are related to each other (spouses, in-laws, parent/children). Another good reason to keep your personal opinions of folks to yourself or express them only to people in your personal (non-work) life.

 

Keep up the job search for a permanent position. Remember, this too shall pass.