Cheshire Girl Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 I seemed to have developed a crush on someone at work. Background:We've worked in the same building for years and I never gave him a second glance. However, for the past several months we were moved to the same area of the building and I've been working with him a few times a week on minor items. He's very business oriented and is perceived by many as "intense and cold". I'm very "easy going" and I am thought of as "friendly and happy". We constantly make eye contact and although it's unlike his character, he smiles at me at all times. When in meetings, he always looks directly at me when he speaks, regardless of the fact that there are 30 other people in the room. He recently complimented me as " looking very pretty" although such compliments are not freely given in an uptight, sexual harassment trained & ingrained workplace. In non work related conversations we have shared small amounts of personal information and in doing so he included that he's been divorced for a year. I casually let him know that I too am in the same boat. I'm developing such a crush.....and I only hope that the feeling is mutual. I know that some frown on office relationship but keep my emotions in check at work and I'd certainly never let anyone at work know that I was even remotely interested in this gentlemen. As a woman in her mid 30's, I'm not inexperienced in terms of relationships....but this one has turned my feelings inside to that of a 15 year old girl. If I giggle like a teenybopper one more time over something he says to me, I'm going to beat myself with a shoe. LOL... Any advice on what to expect, do or not do? Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 I don't know how alot of workplaces deal with relationships that go on with workers, but if I were you, I think you definitly have a chance with this man. It sounds like he is crunching on you, and making little gestures as far as showing some interest. Now, as far as if you too were to get together, I really don't think it is anyones business at the office to know about the both of you. Just act as if you are now at the office when you work with him, and let things come together for you to a head. I think if people at the office know that something is going on with both of you, it could jepordize stuff with your work and people might look down upon that. Just ask him nonshalantly(sorry for misspelling), if he would like to go out to lunch, or go get a drink or something. Do, it as if your going to talk about business and people should not get the hint. I really feel that it is no ones business to know what the both of you are doign anyways, and that is your business, unless it affects the performance of your work, then you might have to reconsider. I know with my field of work, when I actually do get into my field of work which is GRaphic DEsign (Advertising), they give you a code of conduct which is I believe different for every job. AS for mine, you can't have any relationship with the clients, or other fellow coworkers. If employers find out about that, it could really jepordize your job. Just when you are crunching on this guy and he is crunching on you, play it up like nothing is going on and see how far it gets. Things will definitly arise because of it, could be good could be bad if the people you work with find out. Just be safe with whatever judgement you decide to make. But if I were you, I would definitly pursue something with him. Good luck to you and I hope I helped out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheshire Girl Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 Thank you so much for your reply. It's nice to get another person's point of view on things and as I said, I simply CAN NOT let anyone at work know what I'm thinking or feeling about this situation. Our work policy doesn't forbid dating but highly discourages it between supervisors and staff. He is not my supervisor but does have a position which is much higher than mine. I laughed when you wrote "crunching" because I've never heard that term used with relationships before. I hope "crunching" is a good thing...LOL! I wouldn't mind being "crunched" by him! I think I'm just going to play it cool for a while and keep doing what I'm doing. Hopefully I'll get more signals so I can feel comfortable to do as you suggested. I guess I'm afraid of rejection and the possibility that he's not thinking of me in the way I'm perceiving it. I'll have to get up the courage to just realize that if I put it out there I'll have to deal with the possibility of the rejection and with that, I would still have to see him at work day in, day out. This also ties in with the possibility if, further down the road, we date and it doesn't work out...then we are stuck working in the same building. Thanks again for taking the time to respond. You were very helpful! Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 I love to try to help out. But I agree with you with laying low for abit, until you get more of a response from him. Things will work out. I too understand that you are laying low because you want to make sure he is into you and that you won't be rejected. It seems to be everyones fear, and it needs to be stopped. You don't want to miss out on an opportunity of meeting MR. Right. I feel like I have done that in my wierd little ways. I tend to lay low until I never see the person again, or the person who was once interested in me is no longer interested. Just do what you got to do. Just make sure, that you don't lay low for too long and let this one get away. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Extreme5 Posted October 30, 2003 Share Posted October 30, 2003 Your situation sounds hopeful for the simple reason that the man is giving some signals and no one else appears to be interested in him, therefore the competition factor is not involved. Can you imagine the dynamics of your crush if one of your co-workers started liking this man? Women are very sneaky in the workplace. If they even sense that someone else likes a guy in the office, they will pursue him and do everything in their power to distract "him" away from you. Insidious! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
red-rose-in-winter Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 I say go for it with this guy!!! You obviously have some sort of chemistry with him, and you DO know that he has been divorced for a year. I met my husband at our workplace, and at first I was hesitant about dating him, but now I am SO GLAD that I went out with him. We have been married for over 2 years now, and we are VERY happy!!! One drawback about dating a co-worker is that if things don't work out between you, you will have to see that person every day at work. But on the other hand, if you don't take a chance with this guy, you'll never know how things would've turned out. And that is true what Extreme5 said that women are very sneaky in the workplace. When I first started dating my husband, a girl that worked on the same assembly line as he did asked him one day: "Do you want a kiss?" (she held up a Hershey's chocolate kiss), but she was after something else. I just gave her a dirty look~when a woman finds out that another woman is dating a certain guy, most (not all) women will flirt like crazy with him!!! Link to post Share on other sites
imjustagirl Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 My gut response is to say...go for it. My boyfriend and I work for the same "facility," but not in the same department. Just so happens that our offices are less than 20 steps away from one another. One word of caution tho...it can be hard if you ever fight and/or breakup. I went through this with him awhile back (we got back together, but that's a complety different mess) and I didn't want to be at work, I didn't want to be at home because that's where a large part of his stuff was and where he basically lived for 6 mths. Good luck in whatever you choose. ~justa~ Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Just when you are crunching on this guy Women keep posting this. I picture men crossing their legs tightly, bending over, and wincing. Link to post Share on other sites
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