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I hate being taken advantage of (RANT)


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Old 7th January 2010, 12:43 AM   #1
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I hate being taken advantage of (RANT)

Get ready for a mega rant and I would appreciate comments even though I have no particular questions.

Few months ago, my boss's mobile phone stopped working. I have a mobile plan, where I get a new phone every 12 motnhs on the condition to re-sign the contract with the particular telecommunications company. So I have a couple of old phones around that I am not using. My boss was upset when his phone broke down and I offered to lend him one of my "old" phones for the time being, until he buys a new one. He gladly accepted this.

The phone at the time was not very old at all and retailed at around $300. A week later, boss said that he LOVES my phone and wants to keep it and asks me how much do I want for it. I felt weird taking money from him so I said that he can keep it for free (I said something like it would only sit in my apartment as I didn't plan on selling it so I am not really losing any money by giving it to you). Anyhow, he was very grateful and bought me a small thank you gift and was very nice to me afterwards.

Fast forward to just before christmas. Boss e-mails me on christmas eve, being really nice and wishing me merry christmas, praising my work (even though I have had a really unproductive year) and telling me all about his personal plans over the holidays. Then as an aside he mentions that his son wants a mobile phone and asks if I had another spare and that his son has no money at the moment, but will save up and pay for it.

OK, WTF? I feel like he is expecting me to offer to give his son a phone for free like I did with the first phone. I mean it was very generous of me to not ask for money for the first phone. I do not like being asked for things, directly or indirectly and if I gave him the second phone I would truly feel taken advantage of.

I mean why can't people be grateful for what they get without constanly wanting more? (I am pretty sure that his daughter would need the phone next).

So I replied that I am sorry but I gave a spare that I had to my mother as hers had stopped working (this is a lie and I in fact have another phone sitting around, but he doesn't know that).

He replied to this "no worries at all" and proceded to write more about what he did that day, comments on my plans for holidays and what he plans for NYE etc. (I feel that he is doing this as to not seem like he is being nice to me just so he could get another phone).

To be fair to him, even before the phone business he went above and beyond to make sure that I am comfortable at work, created many opportunities for advancment, was genreous with travel money and short courses, even did my work for me when I basically did nothing for months due to personal issues. He was always extremly patient when I messed up and over-praised me when I did well. He is definetly the most supportive boss that I have ever had. However, this can all be seen as a part of his job description for which he gets salary.

I guess I wonder if he feels "entitled" to some compensation via free mobile phones because he tolerates me being somewhat of a crappy worker?

I don't know what to think and would appreciate other points of view.
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Old 7th January 2010, 7:00 AM   #2
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I don't think he did anything wrong. When you lent him the first phone you said it was "one of my old phones" (meaning you had more spare phones laying around). And the way you explained to him about not expecting payment for the first phone ("I'm not losing money by giving it to you")... well, he probably thought what the heck, nothing wrong with asking again - there may be more where that came from. Human nature.

And he has been going out of his way to be nice to you, even though (I'm assuming from your post) you feel you don't deserve it due to your job performance.

I would let this one go... and in the future maybe be more cognizant of how you're coming across to others in the arena of giving and lending. There are many people out there who will take a mile if you give them an inch, and it's easier if you show them right off the bat that you value your time, your possessions, yourself. They'll value what you value. (This has been something I've strugged with as well.)
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Old 7th January 2010, 7:08 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
I guess I wonder if he feels "entitled" to some compensation via free mobile phones because he tolerates me being somewhat of a crappy worker?
Ack.

But you know, he "loved" the other phone he wanted one the same for the son who probably loved it too.

And nah, just forget about it. It was probably very embarrassing for him to have to ask that also.

At least he was nice about the first phone and Im sure he appreciates it. (And that was so nice of you too).

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Old 7th January 2010, 7:18 AM   #4
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me being somewhat of a crappy worker?
And you are not a crappy worker.

You are the most responsible thing. You work many times on the weekends grading papers etc etc.
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Old 7th January 2010, 1:03 PM   #5
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i think you are kinda over reacting.

you gave him the first phone, he loved and wanted to see if you had any other "extra" phones laying around because his son wants to buy one off of you- eventually.

i would be leary about the son "paying later"... aka- later becomes never..... why wouldn't your boss buy it from you and then have his son pay him back?

he probably is being all pal-like to see if you go ahead and offer up another phone for free.... which is slightly shadey and underhanded, but nothing i would get extremely upset about.
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Old 7th January 2010, 1:09 PM   #6
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And you are not a crappy worker.

You are the most responsible thing. You work many times on the weekends grading papers etc etc.

Awww
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Old 7th January 2010, 1:26 PM   #7
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I do think that my own attitude to money is a problem. Boss knows that my brother has his own business that is doing very well and that I help out with and get lots of extra income from. He also knows about number of properties my family owns and how much they are worth (I stupidly told him). He sees that I buy new ipods every time a new one comes out and do the same with other tachnology and clothes. I guess I give off an impression that I have plenty of money to throw around.

On the other hand, he owns a house in a really bad area of the city, thus it is cheap (he told me how much exactly). He also told me what his salary is (and it is not much at all). His wife is a stay at home mum and they have 4 children. From all that, I get that financially he is barely able to make ends meet (although he never complained about this directly).

However, it's still not my duty or obligation to give him things. In general, I think that it's wise to keep my financial status hidden. When people smell the whiff of money they turn into vultures. I really hate that about humans.
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Old 7th January 2010, 1:33 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by laRubiaBonita View Post

i would be leary about the son "paying later"... aka- later becomes never..... why wouldn't your boss buy it from you and then have his son pay him back?

he probably is being all pal-like to see if you go ahead and offer up another phone for free.... which is slightly shadey and underhanded, but nothing i would get extremely upset about.
As for the son paying later he presented it in such a way that his son will start saving up for my phone now and that I should give him the phone when he has saved up the money. He presented it in such a way that he is doing me a favour as his son can go and look for phones on Ebay

I feel like it's an underhanded bid to get me to offer up another free phone. Especially because we weren't getting along all that well lately so him being overly friendly is kind of manipulative.

But I said no
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Old 7th January 2010, 2:16 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by SadandConfusedWA View Post
As for the son paying later he presented it in such a way that his son will start saving up for my phone now and that I should give him the phone when he has saved up the money. He presented it in such a way that he is doing me a favour as his son can go and look for phones on Ebay

I feel like it's an underhanded bid to get me to offer up another free phone. Especially because we weren't getting along all that well lately so him being overly friendly is kind of manipulative.

But I said no
i agree... he was weasely.

and you were/ are right. it is not your job to pay for your personal phone and be obligated to give away or even sell the phones you rightfully and responsibly attained!

yay for standing your ground! and in hindsight- it is good to let this piss you off... and it helps instill that umph to keep yourself from getting walked on in the future.
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