In a rut

[ThisGuy85]

Well as the title states, I've managed to fall into quite a rut in my life. A few months ago, I lost my job. Before I was laid off, The company I worked for had cut my hours back drastically. My bills had begun to stack up. But I was told that the cut backs were only temporary. Never the less, I was falling behind on all of my bills. Then one day I show up to work, To find out that my job had been cut completely. My savings account was completely drained as it was. So this couldn't have come at a worse time. Never the less, I had to get a new job ASAP. So I searched the papers and online job sites, But couldn't manage to find work. I filed for unemployment, But I barely got enough to cover my rent, Let alone utilities, Truck payments, Groceries, Etc. I had to prioritize, In order to keep a roof over my head. Well needless to say, It wasn't long before the repo man showed up and I was without transportation. I was still actively looking for work, But the job market had dried up. Not to mention, Being without a vehicle didn't help my cause. The next thing to go was my house (I was renting) I had to move Into the lower income part of town. I grew up in the area, so it wasn't a huge shock for me. It does however hurt to live here again. I swore that when I left I would never return. Well months have passed now, And there is still no work. companies in the area have been systematically shutting down. What's worse is my unemployment is drained (got about a month left) So that is my situation.

 

The reason why I'm posting this Is because I've been pretty depressed lately. I have always been the type of person that forges ahead, not wollows in self pity. But honestly I've lost my will to fight. I've stopped talking to my friends, picked up smoking, I haven't worked out in months, I just really don't care anymore. My girlfriend has been great through all of this, Very supportive. But there is only so much she can say or do. I have to want to fix my life. I think she is also giving up on me, Though I can't really blame her. This is all foreign territory for me, It's just confusing. I've developed this hatred, I get over the top angry about the stupidest little things. One of the main reasons I stopped talking to my friends, Is that they haven't been affected by the economy in the slightest bit. Their still out there living it up, Driving their new cars, living in nice houses. I on the other hand, Have lost everything. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I should be happy for them, But i'm not. I believe in karma, what goes around comes around. This is why I can't understand my current situation. what did I do wrong, What did I do to deserve this? I'm surrounded by people who have lied, stolen, And cheated, In their pasts. Yet some how they just keep getting all these lucky brakes, It is completely unfair. But all of these feelings of anomosity, are whats fueling my depression. I've checked around but it seems as though the only guarenteed work in my area are fast food joints. I can't do that, I Won't do that. With the money I would be making, It wouldn't improve my current situation. Only allow me to continue my current lifestyle. Not to mention make me feel ten times worse about who I am, And what Ive lost.

 

It's crunch time now though. I'm running out of time and money. Now more then ever I should be on my "A Game". But I just can't get myself into the groove like I used to. So if anyone has been through this, I would love to hear what you did to get motivated. I could really use some advice.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Blackfrost]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

 

The first thing I would address is your animosity towards your friends. Are these people aware of your current situation? Are they helping you in any way? If not, I would question whether they are friends, or just people you know. If they are just people you know, then F them, they aren't worth your resentment. Worrying about those kinds of people is pointless, as it won't improve your own situation.

 

Secondly, have you considered moving, in order to get work? So many people I know (that are in similar situations as yourself) are unwilling to leave their city, let alone, state in order to secure work. Times are tough man, you do what you need to do, in order to get back on your feet. I've tried to help a couple of my friends with actual jobs they could do, and they pay pretty well, but these people don't want to leave their area, because of family or girlfriend etc. Those people are making a choice, and that choice something they need to live with.

 

Depression is brutal. I've had some pretty intense bouts with it myself, and I understand where you are coming from when you say, I don't want to talk to anyone, or I don't even want to try. It's hard to get yourself out of those deep holes, but it is possible to get out. I've gotten out of them in various ways (other than seeing a doctor - which can cost money you don't have when you are unemployed) the easiest way I've gotten out of them is to start exercising - regardless of how much I don't want to do it. You would be amazed at how much better you'll start feeling, if you would just go for a long walk each day (or night) and do it for a few days in a row. The key you're looking for here is to get yourself motivated again, so you can jump back into the game.

 

If that doesn't work for you - then you are going to need to consider the hard road. As I grew up in a pretty poor area, I knew peoples Dad's who worked 2 and 3 jobs just to make ends meet, and some of those were fast food, taxi drivers, or convenience store work. I think it's such an elitest attitude to say that you will not accept work that is availble - while you are waiting to get the work back that you want. If you're too good for that kind of work, and you cannot reduce yourself to accept it, then your situation is really depending alot on luck.

 

I hope you can turn it around man. Believe me, I've been there a couple times, and had to dig myself out of some of the deepest holes. You can do it, you just need to DO IT.

[Lucky_One]

I really don't have a lot of advice, having never been in this sort of situation.

 

And it sounds lame, but at a minimum, I would start making an effort to work out again. Hormones released from exercise do a huge amount towards negating depression; add in that exercise makes you healthier and happier about yourself, and you can network for odd jobs at the gym.

 

What is the relationship status? Not at a living together stage? That would have saved a pile of money from rent and utilities, plus help with the depression.

 

Know how to refinish furniture AND do a good job at it? Do you have a lawn mower? Start advertising in your area for mowing and on CL for refinishing, and start doing some things to bring in some temporary income. (Although the guy I know who does furniture does very well at that full-time; he has my coffee table now.)

[ThisGuy85]

Thanks for the replies.

 

 

BlackFrost- I really wish that I could get a grip on my anomosity. It is just hard when your surrounded by people who's lives are going great. It is a constant reminder of how bad things are going for me right now. They do know my situation, but really aren't in a position to help.

 

I have been considering moving, I've got familly in other states I could stay with. The problem is that from what They've told me thier towns are going through the same thing right now. I'm hesitent to leave my current area, because I know that there is a very real chance that I may not be able to find work in other states either.

 

About working in the fast food, convienence stores, etc. I should have been a little more clear on that. I don't feel that I'm to good to work at those places. It is just that I remember what it was like, working at those places. I didn't start out making the big bucks, I started out working crap jobs. over time I changed jobs, got experience, moved up the payscale. So for me going back to something like that, Would make me feel like a failure. Kind of like being in highschool for four years and right before you graduate, you have to start all over as a freshmen again. I worked very hard to get where I was at, many trials and tribulations. That is why I can't accept starting all over again.

 

Lucky_One-

 

I really do need to start working out again, It been a downward spiral. I stopped working out, therefore started gaining weight. the more weight I gained the worse I felt about myself. The smoking doesn't help, I tried to quite, but the addiction kicked in alot faster then I thought. The bad part is the worse things get the more I want to smoke. the more I smoke the more I don't feel like doing anything. It really does come your nerves, but It calms you down way to much, to the point of lazyness.

 

My girlfriend and I where doing pretty good until all of this went down. We where living together, but when I moved she started living with a friend of hers. she works and goes to school, so It would have been to far of a drive for her, living where I'm at now. This has also been hard on me. I had gotten used to her being around all of the time. so with her gone, it makes me feel even more alone.

 

About the side jobs, I have been trying to stir up work. The problem is Companies in my area have lowered their prices so much that Even I can't compete with them. Being large companies, they get discounts on all of there parts/materials. Not to mention there're only charging enough to stay a float, Not really enough to pull a profit. Given the choice most people would rather spend just a little bit more, and have a well known and respected company do their work. This is not even mentioning the fact that people don't really have alot of money to spend right now. So side work for me has been few and far between.

[Blackfrost]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I have been considering moving, I've got familly in other states I could stay with. The problem is that from what They've told me thier towns are going through the same thing right now. I'm hesitent to leave my current area, because I know that there is a very real chance that I may not be able to find work in other states either.

 

 

Dude: You have to fight through this. It doesn't matter how down you feel, you have you push forward everyday, no matter how much everything around you hurts. Take heart man, some of (myself included) have had to pull up out of situations like this - I was even homeless for a brief period of time in my twenties. No one can do this for you - you have to push through it - and believe me, when the day comes that your on top again, you know more about yourself then 90% of the mouth breathers on this planet. This kind of cr@p definitely sucks, but a few years from now, you will have an inner strength and confidence in yourself like you have never had before - because you've been at the bottom and you know how to get back up. This is one of those life changing moments - and I really do encourage you to go for it. What's gone right now is gone. Work on what you can do, with the resources you have, and try to put the previous incarnation of yourself behind you and make a newer and better version of who you are now. People who succeed, are people who do whatever it takes to make it.

 

Good luck !