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Enough is enough -back off


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Old 3rd January 2003, 1:06 PM   #1
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Enough is enough -back off

Hi,
I am currently 26 and not married although dating someone I work with. We do not live together nor does either of us have children. We are not engaged and (and as far as I know, not planning on it anytime soon).
I have a problem though with another guy at work. This other guy is twice my age and is constantly and I mean constantly telling me that I HAVE to have children, that it is my duty to have them. When I told him I don't want any he said that I have to have them, that if I don't I will go to hell. He goes on and on and on. He tells me that God made women to have children and it is our duty to have them, care for them etc etc.
I have politely told him to back off, I have asked him point blank to back off, short of swearing at him, I've told him enough is enough, that it is my decision, not his, he has nothing to do with my life, that anything I want or am doing in my life is my decision not his. He just laughs and keeps bagering away at it.
My boyfriend whom I have told, does nothing about it, I have told two assistant managers, neither of whom have done anything about it, and I am at a loss. The manager is in the hospital, and the "supply manager" I wouldn't even know who he was if he came up and introduced himself to me. I have tried to find out who the "supply manager" is and am told that he's on his days off or he's out of town in meetings etc etc.
I don't want to quit my job as I do enjoy it, but how much longer do I have to put up with this? Anyone have any suggestion on what I can do?
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Old 3rd January 2003, 1:21 PM   #2
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Most companies give you a Policy Manual when you are hired. Find it, or get one. Find the section on harrassment and take that as high up in the company as you can. Put your complaint in writing, be descriptive and use dates and times and full names. Make two originals - you sign both originals, and have the highest up person sign both originals. You keep one and he/she keeps one.

The ball is in their court now and the person harrassing you must be talked to and must cease. If he does not you have a good case for a lawsuit. The company knows this.

You do NOT have to tolerate this. If the manager is in the hospital go to the next highest level.
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Old 3rd January 2003, 2:28 PM   #3
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Just tell him, "OK...I'll have some children. I certainly don't want to go to hell. Thanks for the suggestion and your concern with my salvation."
That ought to make him happy. If he continues after you have agreed with him, then you can file the necessary papers to have him committed for observation at a mental hospital.

Just because you tell him you'll have children as he has suggested does not obligate you to do so.

Then see what other directives he has for your life.
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Old 6th January 2003, 12:00 PM   #4
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confused...

Is he saying that you have to have HIS children, or your boyfriend's?
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Old 6th January 2003, 12:09 PM   #5
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What a nut!

He is being entirely inappropriate. The way I see it, there are three ways to handle it and choose the one that works best for you.

1) Pick something about him to focus on and do it everytime he does it to you. That should shut him up.

2) Just say "Thanks, will do" or something similar.

3) Make an officcial complaint and talk to HR, or as Hokey Religions said, review the policy manual and see what you can do.
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Old 6th January 2003, 12:18 PM   #6
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what is it with people?

my co-worker has gotten to a point where she'll tell people, "okay, I'll consider another kid, but YOU can have it for me." Shuts them up.

in my case, I've been married awhile and haven't gotten pregnant, but not from lack of trying. Depending on who I'm talking to, I'll either tell them that some rednecks are just unable to breed outside their natural habitat (DH is from Alabama), or that we're waiting until God's ready to give us kids. Usually, though, it's the second statement that makes them see that they're getting too personal for our likes.
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Old 6th January 2003, 2:03 PM   #7
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for real....

That dude needs to grow a uterus and learn how to insert a tampon before trying to talk to you about being a female. Good grief!
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Old 6th January 2003, 2:10 PM   #8
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I love the replies. I think I would tell him that "Thanks, I know, but you see my sex-change operation was purely cosmetic and I don't have a uters yet, or ovaries. I'm waiting on donors for those - say! do you know of anyone willing to donate? "
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Old 6th January 2003, 2:17 PM   #9
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LOL

Or tell him that you know the name of a doctor who is experimenting in male child birth...and if its such a huge concern of his that you have a child, he should have it for you.
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Old 10th January 2003, 8:46 PM   #10
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Hehe... That's a good one ^^

But I'm confused too, when I first started reading I was thinking he was trying to hit on you or something, but now if he doesn't see what an ass he is being, I have no idea.

Go with what HR said, that's the best you can do. If you shut him up about this, he will find something else, it needs to be taken to the top.
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Old 18th January 2003, 1:43 PM   #11
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In all due respect..

Threaten him with HR first. There's little worse than someone who goes running to HR everytime there's a problem. Even though he has crossed the line of religious discretion he should still be warned first.

I lost a job once because some bitch misunderstood a conversation I had once and instead of going to me with her concern she went running to the boss and made me look really bad.

If you can't make light of the situation then be stern.

Also, I'm surprised your husband doesn't want to do anything about it.
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