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How do I squash these unwanted feelings for boss?


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Not-so-short history:

I am a reasonably attractive young professional in my early twenties that works as a counselor for at-risk teens in an agency. I have been at my job for two years, since I graduated college. I will be leaving in a couple of months to move back to my hometown to be closer with family, where I will pursue a similar job.

 

My boss and I have always gotten along very well; he's not the type that compliments much but he does every so often, and I know he appreciates the job that I do. We have a similar sarcastic sense of humor, and often joke around when we can...which is sometimes rare in how busy we all are, often pulling in 50+ hour weeks, sometimes 60. Intellectually, I have an extreme amount of respect for him- he is very brilliant, a model counselor that I aspire to be someday when I am more experienced, treats all of his employees with respect and dignity (even when they're being difficult), is always understanding if you need a day off or are having a bad day and is willing to listen, yet is firm when the situation warrants it. Really, as far as first post-college bosses go, he's as perfect as you can get. The only drawback to my job is that it doesn't pay well, but no one gets into counseling for the pay.

 

Recently, and very begrudgingly, might I add, I've noticed that over all of this time I have, somehow, developed feelings for him. I found myself thinking about him quite a bit, and working extra hard on a few projects for "extra approval", or something. It's not his looks...he's not hideous by any means for his age (which is twice my own, ugh) but it's most definitely his personality outshining everything else, here. He's married with children in their teens; and this is one of the reasons I am not harboring any delusions about acting on this, as the very idea of impeding on someone's marriage and family is completely and utterly out of the question. I also do not believe that my feelings are mutual- however, the worst part is that the idea of them being mutual is exciting, even though I would rather die than act on them. Anyway, I think he may have some "feelings" for me that are more than a normal supervisor-employee relationship, but that it's strictly platonic or maybe even fatherly, given the age gap. I would actually be extremely surprised if it were anything past that. He has showed some slight favoritism towards me, but once again, I think that's in the aforementioned ways- he's always been extremely professional, never inappropriate.

 

So, I am able to analyze my reasons for my feelings.

1). This probably mostly started as an "intellectual crush", which I have been privy to in the past.

2). I find that I have a hard time relating to men my age, and am therefore turning to a much older man, which is not exactly a healthy solution. I probably should work on why I tend to get bored with men my age and break up with them, first.

3). He's a pretty idealized version of the man I would like to be with in my mid-forties. From talking to him, he is a great husband and father, for the same reasons he is a great boss. So, that's a bit of a no-brainer there.

 

Over the last couple of weeks these feelings have really been affecting me. I feel awkward around my boss, which has never happened. I'm not flirtatious, and never would be, so I'm fairly certain there's not really any outward signs of how I am feeling (hopefully, geez). I don't want this to affect my work, or even the friendly rapport I have with my boss...I don't want to feel awkward or having to "run away" because I can't seem to squash/get rid of these odd, irrational, potentially career-wrecking feelings. Thankfully, from what I have read, my plight is not terribly uncommon. I had a similar crush on a professor once, but thankfully once the class ended, I was able to distance myself from him and it faded.

 

So, how do I deal? Any advice from more experienced people on this?

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You could have been my secretary from ten years ago. My saga ended horribly a few months ago. We no longer speak and she detests me. Please see my thread from earlier:

 

subscribed.gif[COLOR=#990000]I made a mistake with my secretary - but why is this an "unforgiveable sin"?[/COLOR]

 

If you have a bit of a crush on your older boss, especially when one or both are married, please, please do whatever you have to do to suppress it. Transfer. Move your office. Ask for a different supervisor. But don't let him (or her) fall back like I did. Only disaster will result.

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