The Doctor/Patient Relationship

[SixthSt.Girl]

Since I'm not in the medical profession, I'm not sure what is considered to be appropriate behavior from a physician, and what is not. I know that it is a little different than some professional relationships, but is still a professional relationship. I'm looking for some input on my situation, and maybe there are some people here employed in the medical field that can offer insight.

 

 

I started going to my current doctor a few years ago. I had only gone to two other doctors at that point, a pediatrition, and a doctor who treated me in late teens. I was 20 years old at the time. I rarely went to the doctor until this time, but I became slightly underweight and have seemed to get sick more easily since then. The first time I went to him was for mono. I later had complications from that, so I had a few repeat visits. He made a couple comments that I didn't think much of at the time. When he asked if I was in a relationship, I said no, not currently. He said, well, that's surprising... and later he made some comment about me being too attractive to get mono from a drinking fountain. He's not the only doctor in the clinic I go to - most have fewer patients than he does, so I can get in to see them easier. So, in the past couple of years, I've only been in to see him once or twice.

 

I've recently gone through a tough time - several bad events have happened that have left me stressed and anxious. I went in to my doctor for this. We talked about what's been going on, and also talked about anti-depressants. He mentioned he was going through a divorce, it's been rough, and he's been taking anti-depressants for it. I got a little teary through part of the conversation because it's tough to go over this stuff, and I rarely discuss it with anyone. He says I'll get through it, I'm young and attractive, and have a lot to be happy about, etc. Near the end of the appt., he told me to give him a hug. I did, though I felt a little awkward about it. It wasn't a quick hug, either - we held each other for a long time - but, I have been seeking affection lately, I guess. Normally, I'd have pulled away after a few seconds. It's not that I felt uncomfortable with it, but I'm a little... confused. I could feel him looking down at me after the hug, I guess trying to guage my reaction, but I was a little overwhelmed and didn't look up. Granted I'm not really a warm and affectionate person, and he is my doctor, but I haven't been going to him for a long time and it's not like we had built any kind of relationship. I went to him when I felt depressed this time last year, and was upset then too, but no hugging or anything happened. He was pretty distant at that time. I'm also not sure how the doctor/patient relationship works, and this is the only doctor I've gone to for depression type issues. I mentioned to my mom that he'd said he was divorced because she was talking about how he's always at the clinic. She thought it was strange that he'd bring that up. I said given the context, I don't think it was weird. Plus, I know from working in the legal field that malpractice suits are something doctors are increasingly aware of, and I doubt my doctor would do anything intentionally to cross the line. But, I don't know, when I was leaving the office, it was awkward. He was acting sorta bothered, like he was afraid he'd done something wrong. It all just makes me a little uncomfortable, but maybe that's because I'm in a vulnerable state lately. I'm supposed to go back in to see him soon. What do you think? How would you feel in this situation?

[tinktronik]

If he brought up his D in a manner of " well Im getting a D and having a rough time so I can understand dewpression and am taking meds " way , it is probably nothing to be worried about .Some Dr.'s are just the kind that give hugs too . It does not sound as though he has done anything untoward.

[SixthSt.Girl]

He was asking if I was in a relationship, and I told him I recently broke up with someone. He then asked are you not seeing anyone then, and went on to say that he's taking anti-depressants for a divorce he's going through and talked about how difficult break-ups can be.

 

It's not that I'm worried over it, but I went through something with a professor that started out much like this situation. He made some questionable comments to me, started giving me more attention than other students. He'd also recently divorced and brought it up in passing. Other students were like oh, he's interested, he's going to try something. I said, "No he wouldn't risk his reputation like that." I was wrong. I guess it's taught me to be more wary. Not that every person I meet who gives me a second look is going to move in - I just want to be prepared for anything. I've always been naive when it comes to men and I'm not good at reading people.

[Guest]

If he left you feeling uncomfortable, then there is something to worry about. And no, doctors are not supposed to give hugs except maybe to little kids with their moms right there. His behaviour is very unprofessional.

[SixthSt.Girl]

If he left you feeling uncomfortable, then there is something to worry about. And no, doctors are not supposed to give hugs except maybe to little kids with their moms right there. His behaviour is very unprofessional.

 

That is what I wasn't sure about - if hugging is a common practice for most doctors. I know that pyschotherapists do it at times (this is just what I've heard - I've never been to one), but didn't know about regular physicians. My pediatrician and the doctor I went to b/w him and this clinic were always really professional. None of the other doctors in this clinic or my gyno have done or said anything that I'd consider to be unprofessional, either. I know that some doctors are more hands-on than others, but it's just a little strange to me since last time I was going through a similar situation, he reacted completely different.

[Ripples]

Guest is right. It's completely unethical for any medical professional (including psychotherapists) to exhibit any behaviour like this.

[SixthSt.Girl]

I don't know if this makes any difference in your opinions, but I did feel some attraction to him initially - I immediately put it out of my mind because he was married and my doctor. I hope that I didn't unconsciously convey any feelings toward him, worse, am still doing it. I'm not really seeking to get into a relationship right now (romantic or otherwise) - I've got other things going on that are occupying my attention. I still want to go to my doctor because I'm doing well with the medication he prescribed, and I don't want to switch doctors in the middle of treatment. My instincts just told me that something was up at that last appt. I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for at this board - I guess, I'm just trying to sort out what went on (if anything). It's not something I feel comfortable talking about with anyone (in person)... Thanks for your input thus far. Keep it coming!